I am making my wife go without in order for her to learn how to budget and people are telling me that is wrong

Question

In order to stay on top of our bills I set up an account for my wife with a certain amount put in weekly and made her responsible for certain items. She has yet to stay in budget and half way through the week needs more money to buy items for the whole family such as bread, milk and other things. I used to give in but since it is not changing I have had to say there is no money and make her figure something out.
Basically I am using the techniques that parents use on kids to get them to learn through experience, but people here think I am nuts for "punishing her this way" and that we should talk about it more.
Am I so wrong?

She was getting $200.00 a week which includes all food (including fast food!). I am trying to get her to understand that she can't blow her budget on ordering out every time she doesn't feel like cooking (or eating what was planned) and then hit me up for money on the things we need.
I just bumped her up to $250.00 a week and included any babysitting she requires. I am trying there to get her to do timeshare babysitting with her friends instead of paying a babysitter any time she wants to take off during the day.

It is funny how many people are assuming what I require her to pay for.I never said anything about clothes, doctor bills, etc. The only things she is responsible for is food, and now babysitting and gifts for her friends kids (which she seems to have a birthday party a weekend for some kid in her Moms for Moms group). Everything else comes from the main account!
I know people who have to buy EVERYTHING with less then $250.00 a week!

Answer 1

you are not necessarily wrong.... it IS a problem...but for you to take a "dictator" approach will teach her nothing and only cause resentment. She should be willing to learn this from you since she obviously lacks the knowledge you have in this area. Just change your approach, is all. Sit down together and discuss where the problem lies and possible solutions. Ask her to commit to this since it is so important to you. Go over the spending for the day everyday until she gets the idea. If all else fails, tell her you love her for trying, then confiscate the checkbook and handle it all yourself!
Good luck!

Answer 2

When I first read your question I was ready to blast you! After reading more details I am agreeing with you. I have a heck of a lot less than that and do just fine. She needs to realize that needs have to come before wants. If she is running out of basics like milk, bread ect. that her kids need then she is not putting the right priorities first. I also think that getting a babysitter constanly isn't great for her of the kids. She can still get out of the house by taking the kids to the park and stuff like that or trading kids with friends for a day. My neighbor and I used to do that every week so that we each had a day to ourselves without the added expense of a sitter. I do think you two need to talk about it more though. Have her keep a journal of everything she spends for one week. She may be amazed at how much is really spent on stupid things. You could do the same thing. If she sees that you have to live on a budget too she may be more willing to give it a try. Give her some incentive too. If she can stay on her budget for X amount of weeks then reward her with something special. It is almost like treating her like a child but when you have never had to do somehting you have to learn how. Don't be too hard on her though, she may be using the money on things to boost her self esteem or what ever. That is why deeping a journal can be helpful. Good luck and stick with it. If you spend everything you make now you end up with nothing for the future.

Answer 3

What century are you living in?
You expect your wife to budget on ONLY $250.00 a week for groceries,clothing,and fast food. You are dreaming if you think that will accomodate all of the necessities for a family. Have you tried doing what she does on that little amount of money? How about you do it to the quality and degree that she does and see if you can. OMG! We spend about $700 every 2 weeks for a family of 5 and that's just on groceries. That doesn't include medicine,clothing, extra-curricular activities, entertainment, and what I coin as "ASK-A-dentals". We still have to buy milk every 2 -3 days because the guys go thru 5-6 gallons a week. It is impossible to keep all of that on hand at one time without it spoiling. I am an excellent cook and can cook international cuisines so I save alot of money because I don't buy ready-made products such as t.v. dinners etc...
If I spend that much just on groceries you are by far being unreasonable.
I say put your money where your mouth is. You do all of the grocery shopping, clothing etc... on that chincy amount and feed you and your family as well as your wife does.
God Bless the woman. She would be better off divorcing you and getting child support. The judge would allow much more than you do.
Keep the points you can't afford to lose them.

Answer 4

I see that you are trying to help this woman. Try another approach sit down with her and go over a budget(all the bills in hand). You have tried letting her do it her way it hasnt worked. Ask her what givers he the most problem? If you are giving her just enough I see why she fails. Things are not the same price each month.I had to learn the hard way also. I now budget my money. I thought this man was being crazy. When it was time to pay the bills he wanted them paid. He has excellent credit and wanted to keep it that way. When our relationship ended(this wasnt the reason) I thanked him for the lesson he thought me on being more responsible. I am a single parent and having learned how to budget was the best thing that happened for my family.Dont give up just work on your tactics.

Answer 5

If you have kids in the equation then bread, milk and other staples can go very quickly. My partner and I, plus a 2 and a half year old daughter go through a loaf of bread a day, 3 litres of milk lasts approx. a day and a half and cheese is pretty much all my girl likes to eat apart from honey toast. I buy only the house brands to stretch the budget for pretty much everything. I have found some house brands appalling and will return them as they do have a gaurantee the product is up to scratch but some things can't be compromised and I will buy a more trusted brand. I have to rely on my partner to give me money and sometimes I have had to raid the kids money box so I can buy a litre of milk only because I think no we don't need anything today, so my partner doesn't leave any money. If it's just the 2 of you look at your other expenses and see where you can shave a few dollars off other expenses. if you have a computer it should have a basic budget sheet with or without kids budgets are needed.
For goodness sake a loaf of bread averages 16 slices of bread once i've taken out the 2 my partner, daughter and I have at breakfast that's 6 gone, then 4 slices for my partners lunch, that's 10 then our lunch another 4 slices, that's 14. You both really need to sit down and work out your expenses and another suggestion, I have a list of the groceries i prefer to buy with approx. cost, that way I know roughly what i will be spending each week and sometimes i'm under sometimes i'm over depends if the product i want is available.depending on how everyone eats perhaps looking at how much is being eaten, i sometimes can have 6 slices of toast for breakfast when we're out of weetbix.
I provide my partner with the receipts just so he can see where the money goes and the change goes into a change jar which adds up and then i'm not short for money if i do need bread or milk and not raid the kids money box. My partner's family were absolutely disgusted and when I told my daughter to go ask dad for some milk money in jest, he got upset.
Look my partner's had moments of insanity when he thinks i've spent too much money but i always provide receipts and even with clothes and shoes I rarely buy full price items everythings always on sale. My own family have commented on how i manage to get most from my money but you have to be a places at the right time and I only buy what we NEED not what we WANT. Something my parents instilled on me as a child. I'm sure your old enough to have heard that saying. Go easy on your wife, work as a team, you have your wonderful children to raise set them a good example as far as how to use your money wisely. my parents struggled most of my life with money and i've learnt the hard way at times with money. Good Luck.

Answer 6

She is your wife, not your child. Everything in your marriage should be mutual, including the money. Being a stay at home mom, is the same thing as having up to 3 full time jobs. You may think she is sitting on her *** all day, but maybe you should try doing everything she does for a couple weeks, and then tell her she is only entitled to $250 a week. If i were your wife, i would have left your sorry *** years ago.

Answer 7

I think you could both have better communication, after all she is your wife, an equal, not a child. It would be very hurtful to be treated in this way. I understand your frustration but this is not the way to go about fixing things. If my husband treated me in this way it would be the end for us. We share the financial burdens, he is the money maker at the moment but we decide together what gets paid and what doesn't. My husband also understands that there are days when I just don't want to cook. And I have to say that my familys food expenses all up per week run up to probably the total of what you give her, don't discount how expensive things are at the shop especially if shopping is done sporadically and not in one big swoop. Just start treating her like an adult not another mouth to feed and things will get better.

Answer 8

1st off...I find this treatment a bit ridiculous!!! Your wife is not your child she is your WIFE your PARTNER and YOUR EQUAL!!! Who died and made you the budget police?

Some spouses are just not good at budgeting and some spouses can be jerkoffs (YOU)!

Have you really considered how much it takes to run a household in today's inflation of pricing at the grocery store not to mention the prices at the gas pumps. Also the costs for school supplies, and the extras the schools charge for this lab, this field trip, and the price of school hot lunches is insane.

Maybe...just maybe you're being unrealistic and have set up your wife to fail! You know....if my husband did that to me...I would tell him...I HAVE A BUDGET TOO....it's to pay for my divorce when I"M done skimming off what you've put into that ridiculous account!!!....

Accounting and Budgets in a household should be a joint effort! I manage my households accounts, 2 check books, 2 savings accounts and balance all to the penny. I juggle money to pay for extras.....and all bills and items to be paid out of paychecks are listed in a weekly summary....so that there are no surprizes as to where the $$$$ went.

We also keep receipts for everything. This is bulked together on a monthly basis so that we can see exactly where the $$$$ went.

YES...i'm sorry to say you are Definitly WRONG !!!

Answer 9

If she is going without- so are you- right?? better be- anyway-is she buying stuff she shouldn't or is she not getting enough money from you- does she have some to spend on herself?? that should be in the budget too- check out Crown financial- or money matters- apparently you two are not on the same page-and how many in the whole family?? Do you have a buget for everything- and is she aware?? withholding sex is strange- she could do the same to you- that is odd- get help-please- D

Answer 10

I think you are absolutely right in the way you are doing things. Especially if you are the main breadwinner and your wife is not working. Why don't you help her out by doing a budget on a spreadsheet and start off with the amount of money that you are giving her each week and get her to figure out how much money she spends on household items such as food etc then she will see exactly how much money she has left over to spend on herself. This way you too can see exactly how much money she has to spend on household things and if you need to you can increase her budget.
Your wife needs to understand that while you maybe well off/comfortable now, things may not always be like this and you are just doing this so you two and your kids can have a better future.

Answer 11

a budget is a guideline ... if the amount you give her is arbitrary, then you are wrong

if the amount you give her is based on you BOTH sitting down and determining what she usually spends each week plus what can be curtailed without being punitive, then its fair and reasonable.

Tying someone to an arbitrary budget without showing them the complete cash flow cycle, how much money comes in, what expenses or bills MUST be paid, what investments NEED to be apportioned, emergency funds(and what IS an emergency), planned savings for seasonal and reoccurring long term expenses(school clothes/supplies, vacations, holidays,etc.), savings for major expenditures(new car, home improvements, plastic surgery[jk]) is not likely to have any great impact ... she needs to be educated WHY she must try to stay within budget and how that will benefit her and the family.

Your purpose is right, but your methodology may be lacking ... perhaps she should be sent to school to take an accounting course.