I am married to a muslim not from my homeland but I am staying with him for the past 12 years ofcourse it was a love marrige after a 7 year long affair, but after the marrige he changed completely, b4 marrige i was working and used to travel alone to other countries and he knew that but now i have to take permission to go out with my kids for a stroll. Also they are the only reason I have been in this marrige 4 soo long as one of my kids has a terminal illness a genetic disorder which has no cure. He is very attached to his father(my son) & I feel guilty also that if I take him away from his father he will never forgive me for that. Although it was a love marrige after the marrige the love went out of the window. Please give me answers which are possible & helpful for me and the kids in a long run.
2006-10-04 22:14:37 · 14 answers · asked by Sharon S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am also very scared of him now. As I hate fights so if I try to talk it starts with a talk and ends up in a fight????? I have never been scared of anyone or anything b4 all this. I have to literally take an appointment to talk with him. Its true I love him but DOES HE???
2006-10-04 22:28:05 · update #1
There is little chance that my son will grow up to be like his father as he is ten and mentally retarted and has maybe by the grace of God just a few more years to live. I am a Christian.
2006-10-04 22:51:32 · update #2
i live in a muslim country, & i know the attitudes of muslim men, although i'm not married to a muslim. i have a lot of friends who are christians but were married to muslim men, & they all have the same problem. you're not alone in this situation. muslim men have the mentality that when they marry you, they have the power over you. coz that's how their life is. their muslim women are of course used to these kind of attitude that they have no problems dealing with it. but with you being a christian...of course you're not used to it. as long as you're not married, you're still free. you can do anything you want...& you will never hear a word from them. they will be this perfect man that you would want to live with for the rest of your life. but once you marry, your life is his. but it will never be the other way around. well, since you have kids, & 1 is really attached to his father, it would really break your son's heart if you chose to seperate him from your husband. it's really hard to decide between this...if you love your children more than yourself, you have to think about their welfare. just try not to think about your husband, ignore him. as long as he doesn't hurt you, just mind your own business. at least your children are happy. now, when they get older & they start to understand the situation, then you decide of you still want to leave. i'm hoping for the best for you. good luck!
2006-10-04 23:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by kevkatz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to understand that Islam is a very disciplined CULTURE.It is a way of living.Before entering into marriage of this sort an understanding should have already been established.Since it seems that this is not the case let me say this,any person who feels that their life or the the lives of those they love are in any type of danger it is the responsibility of that person to do what is necessary in order to protect thier seeds(children).When the King is away from the kingdom the Queen is the ruler and it seemes that he is not acting like the king he is supposed to be.So be the Queen you are and do what you know is going to help in the long run.I
2006-10-05 05:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i am not sure why you married a muslim becuase that religion is very unjust to women becuase it looks down on women and does not allow them to pursue certain things, lest they be persecuted... other than that, no you should take the kids and stay away from him, no man that is very very controlling and possessive deserves to have a woman to control. I understand your son is very attached to him and that can be detrimental becuase he will take after him and that is not a good thing for him to learn at a young age. Your son will grow up not respecting you just like his father. You need to have your son around a husband that is caring of his wife and not controlling, so that he will take after those good examples. You need to explain to your son that the way your husband acts is not the right way and that you don't want him to grow up to be controlling and possessive like your husband. I know you may not like my answer but no child should have to grow up in a household with that kind of environment.
2006-10-05 05:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by justanormalguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iam very sorry you are going through this. But, Marriage is not just what you talk about that way. though you didn't include in your question if you are Muslim or other religion but, as you said the relationship and marriage was based on love which actually made you tie the knot. I think you should try everything possible to make the marriage work for your children's sake and do check yourself too and above all 'it takes two to fight or quarrel' love him more and trust me, he will come back to you. Don't leave him - Good luck.
2006-10-05 05:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
very difficult situation for which you have my sympathy and I am sorry to hear about our Son. I am guessing that talking to your husband about this is out of the question? People do change after marriage sometimes, regardless of faith, religion or gender, it happens. The key is not to let it get this bad in the first place, but it has so how to deal with it now. you have a very tough choice to make, have you the means to leave and support yourself and your children , especially your sons medical expenses etc?. You have to think about all the practical issues here as yours is an unusual situation. There is lots to suggest that kids do so much better when out of a bad relationship between parents. Why do you not consider going to see a councilor, or talk to your DR to see if he knows of any organizations he can put you in touch with, to help you get out and still look out for your children especially your Son, One important thing to remember if you leave its going to be very traumatic for all concerned especially your son, but you do have another child too, so my last bit of advice is........ its going to be just as traumatic for the other children so please do not in your efforts to console your son forget that the other child will need just as much of your love and attention..kids do adjust and they may resent you for a little while but they soon get back on track and kids never really hate their parents and they forgive very easily. so hang in there and try to go and see someone that might be able to help you out of this,
2006-10-05 05:24:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not give up your right to control your own life. Freedom is what America is supposed to stand for. Don't be petty over the stuff. You want out, not the stuff. That will help you stay freindly terms. Enableing you to remainn civil to one another. Whatever you do, don't say bad things aboug his daddy, He is half hes half of his dad, and Half yours. no sense in making your son feel bad.
2006-10-05 05:41:46 · answer #6 · answered by nik named mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship has no love, & you have no freedom..Then think of yourself, do you want to be unhappy & miserable?? As for your kids, They could still see there dad.. It's better for them to grow in a happy home then to grow in a house that is filled with anger & resentment. If your kids see u unhappy it affects them. U need to do whatever it is that makes u happy, your kids will see the difference & it will have a positive affect on all of u
2006-10-05 05:25:55 · answer #7 · answered by lori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should be controlled. I was a total control FREAK! I had to control every situation in everyone's life at ALL times! Until some one came into my life that refused to let me control him. It opened my eyes and made me realize what a monster I truly was. Everyone should have the right to make their own decisions.
2006-10-05 05:21:14 · answer #8 · answered by Cricket 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never now them till you get married to them (that's what they say) and yes that's true.
See legal advice on this and divorce this one, love can go away, otherwise you have life time trouble with this one.Don't stay with him because of the children, they will understand when ther older .Good luck.
2006-10-05 05:38:30 · answer #9 · answered by Chantal D. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk t u r in laws if u hav a good relationship with them...u should also talk 2 u r parents...its hightime u take decision u r husband might b havin an affair??? pls excuse me if that had hurt u...god bless u.....
2006-10-05 05:44:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋