How to Control my Bro-in-law?

Question

Please help me with this problem. My husband is in the middle east for quite some time now (work). He will be back only after 6-7 months(annual leave).

My brother in law is living with us. He is 14 and was like a brother to me. But lately I feel he is trying to discreetly make physical contact and touch me. He repeatedly brushes against my backside in the corridor and snuggles close to me watching TV & touches my breas*t/stomach. Touching my pallu/stomach casually, watching me when I apply oil to my body/hair or wash clothes etc is becoming a problem. When no one else is at home, he walks around in front of me in his undergarments.

How do i control him? Please advise.

I have tried speaking to his mom and sister in law (they simply says "he is a guy - he will grow up in time"). When i try to speak to my bro in law, he denies everything.

I wanted to add that I HAVE SPOKEN to him and told him strictly that I dont like this type of behaviour. But that does not seem to affect him.

He sometimes rubs/piches himself (through his underwear) right in front of me - WHEN i am shouting at him!

He is not at all scared of me as he feels his family will always support him over me. And THEY DO!!!

Wanted to know: If he piches/rubs his testi*cles or pe*nis in front of me, does that show sexual interest? Or is it something all guys do?

Answer 1

This situation is escalating because you are not sounding firm enough.
This behaviour is disgusting and should be stopped right away. He cannot be allowed to disrespect the sanctity of his relationship with you. It could influence his perspective of women and what he can get away with.
Speak directly to your brother-in-law, speak firmly and LET him know you are serious.
Show shock at his behaviour at the moment (walking in underpants, brushing against you etc) and admonish him VERY strictly. Use your facial expression and eyes to convey the gravity of the message. At the end, tell him, 'If you EVER do that again, I may have to tell you older brother about your behaviour, do you understand?'
There is no 'nice' way of getting the message across if that is what you were aiming for. If you are afraid of spoiling your relations with your bro-in-law or his mom, its too late because he took the first step of spoiling it himself.

Answer 2

SEXUAL HARASSMENT OF WOMEN appears to be more blatant and endemic in India than in Western countries, probably because of the very low status of Indian women, the high dominance of Indian men, and the relative lack of free interaction between the sexes. Given the sex-linked nature of this form of harassment, one would expect men, compared with women, to be more lenient toward the harasser and less sympathetic toward the victim

What you are facing is a very common problem and lot of women face this problem especially in joint families in India.
I also understand that if the matter is reported it will be laughed at and you will not be taken seriously.
How do u avoid this situation ?
1. Give him one more warning and tell him u do not appreciate such nonsense.

2. See if you can confide in some one in the family like elder sister in law, aunt or some one sympathetic to u.

3. Next time go out with him for a walk and stop in front of the police station and tell him next time you will come and report the matter to the police and then he will face the consequences.

4. Make sure u bring up this issue when ur husband comes back home.

Answer 3

Dear Devika, Many would say it's normal for boys at this age, but the boys that do such disgusting things at this age are very much likely to get good people like u into a great mess. If u don't confront this in front of ur hubby, then there are more chances that everyone and especially ur hubby is going to point fingers at u regarding infidelity rather than at that bastard as he has age factor on his side.
Take care of the situation as early as possible. Good luck... Take care. Bye...

Answer 4

First main thing I understand about this guy is that he is mentally retarded. the next time if he tries to do anything of that sort dont see left or right just give him a tight slap on his face automatically things will go right. later on you can make your inlaws unserstand.what is his age that he should have sexual interest towards his own sister in law so cheappppppp.....

Answer 5

Well.. this is his age..... Kids get attarcted toward dirty stuff at this age,,, when his inner feelings are growing..

You need to tackle to situation very Carefully.. As His parents might not consider his fact.. coz he is only 14. Eventually problem may lead toward you. So take all precautions..

So... What to do... ?

Most of the time.. he will do this with Sub-Consious mind pretenting as its happening normal... Just start Ignoring him... When he sees toward you... Start coverying yourself.. with clothes.. Let him feel... that you are not interested.

Now this gona prove... either Good... or Bad... if good.. then things are ok... If Bad..

Then he will turn to Consious mind... and Show you off... He really Eager.... In That case.... Slap HIM.

Truely... No one is bad is the world.. One Slap.. will make him Think ... What he been doing....

Hope this helps.. If you need more... Feel free to ask further...

Answer 6

Your brother-in-law might be doing this because he knows it make you uncomfortable. So for some do not pay any attention to what he is doing. If this does not work then speak to your husband tell him that this situation is making you uncomfortable. You have spoken to your in-laws and they have dismissed your thought as “it is common for kids his age”. Ask your husband to talk to your brother-In-law and explain what he is doing is wrong.

If none of these work then slap the crap out of him.

Answer 7

You have tried to speak and his mother or your sister in Law doesn't listen. Show no leniency.
He is 14, so he should be in class VIII or IX.
Try to take an appointment with his teachers or principal and discuss the matter with them. They would be able to deal with him appropriately. Don't hesitate that the internal family matter will be out. You alone will be held responsible for holding your honour. Also the boy needs to be controlled lest things go out of the way.

Answer 8

This is a very serious situation.Try and make him understand that what he is doing is wrong and unethical.If he doesnt pay attention to that and continues bothering you go ahead and give him a tight slap across his face.
Dont take this nonsense from his side.
Also try talking to your husband about this issue and also speak to your parents about it.
But in any case dont be soft to him.Embarras and insult him every now and then.This might help.
You can also go to Women's Right's Organisation.
Best of luck.

Answer 9

First of all, why is he even living with u and not with his parents? And your inlaws are such idiots for blowing it off as if it's nothing. I suggest u be firm (to his parents) not to him, about this issue and in order for u to resolve this once and for all, u need to kick him out of your house. I don't think that slapping him or screaming at him is going to do the trick. U can do the explaining later on to your husband when he returns.

Answer 10

have u spoken to ur husband..
maybe he can intervene an help..!!
and if u think u cant control the situation and ur inlaws willl be on his side..
move out..!!
or try and get ur bro in a law a real ***** girlfriend..
he wants sex...
if its not from u then from someone else..
i dun believe this non sense of this age being such and all...

if i were u..i wud have given him a piece of my mind..if u can accumalate proof and show it to ppl..make them think against him...if u can buy sympathy even that will help..!!

all the best..
i'm sorry u have to go thru this..

its really nasty..