Obsessing about my newborn baby?

Question

I am obsessing about the health and well being of my newborn baby girl. I'm a first time mother and I must admit I had a tough pregnancy and labour.

Other mothers in my mothers group seem to be holding it together. I've been pretending all is well but I worry about every germ and illness in the world and my baby contracting it. I don't even allow my family to hold my baby incase they have germs on their hands or that they may accidentally drop her.

I think I've gone mental with anxiety. I don't have the same symptoms for Post Natal Depression (I'm very happy and excited about being a mother). I'm anxious about everything and I'm scared.

Please other mums out there, help me. I'm not sure what to do. I'm frightened my Dr will put me on anti depressant drugs and my baby will consume it through the breastmilk. Otherwise my happiness and joy for this baby is overwhelming.

Answer 1

The following article helped me immensely understand my behaviour. I hope it helps you realise that it's all natural.

Many parents look back and wonder what came over them in the first few weeks after they had a baby.

Other parents report pinching and poking sleeping babies every few minutes to make sure they're still alive, or compulsively scrubbing their children's faces and adjusting their clothes. Friends notice their inability to talk about anything else.

It's not their fault. If they seem fixated and obsessive, it's because, clinically, they are. Their brains have been rewired by parenthood.

A researcher has found the brain activity of new parents is strikingly similar to what is seen in patients who have been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

James Swain of Yale University's Child Study Center says the brain activity he observed in new parents likely led to the kind of behavior many new mothers reported in the study, including the compulsive need to check on infants.

Swain and a team of Yale researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to look at the brain activity of 25 couples shortly after they had a baby. They took brain images of the new moms and dads when they heard a tape of their infant crying or viewed their newborn's picture.

The data analysis is preliminary, Swain says. But he found the brain areas activated were those vital for motivation, reward, anxiety and the learning and refinement of habits.

Some of the same circuitry is widely believed to be overactive in the brains of patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder - people who can't rid their minds of intrusive worries, Swain says. They tend to wash their hands repeatedly or worry constantly about being hit by a car or other disasters.

Not that new parents are mentally ill. "No reasonable person would say it is an actual mental illness to be worrying about your baby," Swain says. Some bits of the brain that have evolved to help us become good parents may be overly active in those who suffer from certain mental illnesses.

Answer 2

Congratulations new mommy. Welcome to new parenthood, when everything becomes a potential eye-poker! Seriously, you just have a good case of new parent nerves. I felt a lot like that when my first arrived. We've gone on the have 5 more, and you do learn to relax about things and see them in a more normal perspective. Take a deep breath and relax- it will all be okay.
We kid around now that with the first, we sterilized everything but ourselves. We boiled, sprayed, and scrubbed everything imaginable. Then we started slipping, because it was just too exausting to keep up. We realized that no matter how much you clean, they will find the one piece of dirt that escaped. They find the cat food makes a great snack, and poo makes great finger paint for walls and other surfaces.
Germs are everywhere- can't eliminate them. Your mom and dad managed to raise you sucessfully, so it's a good bet they are okay to trust with baby. Ditto for the father's parents. People who already have children are fair bets too. If the kids make you nervous, have them sit down and stay close by.
Keep in mind that as tiny and fragile as the baby looks, babies are really pretty tough creatures. They survive being born, which is a pretty risky business, and even manage to survive a parent without a guidebook.
Call your mother when in doubt. Talk to other moms, especially moms with other older children. They can all tell you this is a really normal stage. Reality just struck home- you are now the one who is supposed to have all the answers, and you just realized you might just not have. And it's too late to back out. Once you get a little experience under your belt, and baby gets older, you will be able to relax more and worry less. Eventually, like me, you'll be able to look back and have a little laugh. You will learn to evaluate things and see what is really a threat and what is not. And by the way- kitty kibble is okay, if not exactly your prefered toddler snack, and poo washes off walls and kids pretty well. Smells, but it washes.

Answer 3

This is so normal sounding.
I still am picky about my son (6) and daughter (17).
I panick when they go in the car with someone, that the car's brakes will fail or they will get in an accident, or go over a bridge that collapses.
I am terrified of my son playing outside without constant supervision. We live in the country, beautiful setting with a lake across the road...the other kids all play in our yard, but I am constantly checking out the window, making my husband check, if I dont hear him or see him for 2 minutes I am ready to dial 911.
Being a mother is being anxious, scared, controlling, protective and nurturing.
See your OB/GYN, if he feels it is a little more than you can handle ask for some Lorazapam, it helps with nerves tremendously, but not sure about breast feeding on them.

Answer 4

How long have you been feeling this way? Did you just give birth or is your baby a few months along now? I don't think it is that strange and I think over time you will realize your fears are a little unfounded. Better to be safe than sorry, at the beginning, I think. My mom was really paranoid with me, but by the time my sisters came along she was practically letting them eat off the floor. :-)

Answer 5

Do not feel out of place. You are acting completely normal. This will all wear off, after the inital shock of a new little one is over. Everyone is like that, especially with their first, and I thnk your family and friends will understand that. Anxiety is normal, I would tell you md, but ask him to tell you alternatives to mecdications, that you may try for your anxiety. Good luck with your new little one,

Answer 6

You are having normal concerns. Your family will not drop the baby (they held you when you were a baby, right) and as long as they are not sick and have washed their hands it is fine for them to hold the baby. They wouldn't want to do something to harm this baby either, so don't deny them the joy of holding their new relative!

Answer 7

I had my first baby last year. It took me awhile to figure out that he wasn't made of porcelain. You're under more stress than you know. Even good stress is stress and it effects your body and mind the same way negative stress does. The lack of sleep doesn't help much either. The best stress relief that I found was just rocking my baby.

Answer 8

YOu need to chill out and relax. Yes it is normal to feel over protective in the beginning but then you start to come back to real life. You can't put your baby in a plastic bubble her whole life.

Answer 9

Don't worry this is completely normal for a new mom,Your Dr. will not put you on anything for anxiety or depression,because you are breastfeeding.Besides there is no reason for him or her to treat you for a disorder that doesn't exist. You're a happy, health,normal mom.Congratulations and welcome to motherhood:)

Answer 10

its normal but realise that babies are very resilient little people, she will not break easily. you need to trust others especially your family as this is your support structure and without them you will very easily feel overwhelmed.

congrats