My husband is having a serious affair with a married & pregnant collegue for more than 6 mths. They meet each other almost daily, exchange as many as 50 smses daily. When he was not having the affair, he hook up with girls on the intenet and try to be intimate with them n/or go for special massages. We have not been intimate for almost 2 years, ever since we conceive our 1 yr old son. He complaint of work stress and refuses me n says sex is not important.
He says he wants a divorce after I told him I knew. He claims that it is because whenever he look at me it reaminds him of my mother whom he had a serious clash with.
So he should be happy I want to split, right? But he gets angry when I try to discuss going about the divorce/ abt his affairs and give me this pain look when I do things that suggest I am going ahead with it. He continue to tell me elaborate lies to cover up his affair even though I know. I am going ahead to file, but what's up with this guy? Is this normal?
2006-10-04 19:18:05 · 32 answers · asked by peaceful 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The reason he gets angry is because if you file for divorce.... he'll be screwed. He'll have to give you half of everything and pay you alimony and child support. He's angry cause he'll have to live in a cardboard box and have no money to spend on his ho.
He's selfish. You need to kick him to the curb. And by the way, he's had two years to hide the money. Good luck.
2006-10-04 20:09:16 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One possiblity is that he might be having some problems either at work or personal ones ie: mid-life crisis.
One suggestion that everyone has made is that you should go ahead and seek a divorce. You've been keeping quiet about this for far too long. You knew about his affair and now you should reassert your rights.
He might be afraid of having to pay a high amount of maintainence, which is why he is reacting in such manner. Also, by using the excuse that he reminds you of his mother is also ridiculous. He's using that excuse to make you feel guilty.
I say, go ahead and file a divorce even if he tries to blackmail you with that 'pained' look of his.
2006-10-05 05:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by mfirdaus89 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't split too soon. You need to stock your 'war chest'. Compile as much info as possible. You're going to need it. Get cell phone records, correspondence, etc... Install Spector Pro on your computer. This will provide you a wealth of information. You need as much info as possible about his affairs. This'll sound corny, but got to http://www.cheaters.com/ or hire a PI. Get photos. When you present your evidence in court, he won't have a leg to stand on. (DO NOT keep any records/evidence at home)
And yes he's mad. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You as well as I know that sex is very important to him. He can't give you any loving, but he can play 'hide the salami' with these other women with no problem. Liar liar! Stress my @$$. He doesn't seem too stressed out when he's banging these other women.
I would find a way to slip an anonymous note to the pregnant collegue's husband, telling him to keep an eye on his Dear Sweet Wife. Don't go into too much detail, be somewhat cryptic. You want to plant the seed of doubt. Stick the note in his car window at his job. Don't use your own handwriting. Elicit help from a trusted friend or use the computer. Things should get quite interesting. Make him squirm.
You do need to split, but you also have to be smart about it. With enough rope, anyone can hang themselves.
2006-10-04 20:43:56 · answer #3 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is he? Could be a mid life crisis. Then again he could just be trying to have his cake and eat it too. You provide security and stability-the old familiar. This other woman is probably providing the excitement (it always is in the beginning) and possibly quite different from you, which he may find to be very challenging. At either rate, if you really love him try to get him into counseling. (if it is a mid life crisis, maybe a professional can help). Otherwise, pack up and move on. Once they think you will tolerate a cheater, they are bound to do it again! Good luck, and I wish you the best in whatever you choose.
2006-10-04 19:30:29 · answer #4 · answered by blackdiamondsandroses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need an answer to that question. How he thinks or acts should no longer be your concern. Simply put, his life is a mess and it is out of control. Yours need not be. Nothing will shift unless you start creating a life for yourself. You need not judge him or ask for his cooperation. He is not the type of man you will admire. Move on with your life with greater positivity and look forward to the next chapter in your life. Engaging him for discussion will prove painful and useless. When you say less, he is likely to think more. Move on, woman, your time has come. Don't look back. You best days are ahead of you, not behind you.
2006-10-05 02:50:06 · answer #5 · answered by Greymatter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once is a cheater, always is a cheater. He's just holding a personal grudge about ur mom as an excuse. He's not man enough to admit that he's wrong on having an affair. Why don't u just dump him just like what ur doing every morning "Trying to flush it down the toilet but it keeps popping back up, then u have to flush it down again until it goes away"...Sorry, I have to use such a harsh analogy, but it apparently fit to ur hubby's characteristic.
2006-10-04 19:31:15 · answer #6 · answered by Infinite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad to hear yr story. I believe your husband is a man who is very proud and if his friends is going to know that you divorced with him due to his affair, he may lost his face. This is quite normal behaviour in some of the guys coz of their ego or pride.
Remember you can make this move yourself and not dependant on him. So do what you think is right
2006-10-05 04:26:59 · answer #7 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like he does not want to get in a legal situation, he probably doesn't love you anymore, and he doesn not want to go through court and just wants to have you around to watch his baby. I would suggest that if you have the money for it, you should file for divorce before things start to get ugly. It's really a pain to go through court and get a divorce, it feels like you waste a lot of your time, you go through child support establishments and a lot of paper work to fill out and proof of so many expenses. So maybe that's what he's afraid of.
2006-10-04 19:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by nelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Just because he is having an affair doesn't mean he doesnt need you, he wants to be able to keep you around for his wife, a mistress is not the same as a wife. A wife is supportive and caring, and puts his dinner on his table, and he can trust you. Things like that, it sucks but i think it is true
2006-10-04 19:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can see 2 possibilities
1. He doesn't want you - but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
or
2. He is worried about how much money/ child maintenance you will get out of the divorce.
2006-10-04 19:22:14 · answer #10 · answered by d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋