It's slightly an emotionally abusive relationship. Husband is insecure and sometimes thinks I'm unfaithful--even though I never have been. We constantly argue and I find myself growing very intolerant of him. Tonight we had another one of our disagreements---I talked to the neighbor for a few minutes and my husband thought my speaking to him was inappropriate. Ironically the conversation was about the neighbor's dogs escaping their backyard. I came inside, and my husband packed up his gym bag and when I asked him where he was going, he responded, "somewhere that you won't be going". I don't think I should apologize for talking to the neighbor!
2006-10-04 18:13:21 · 21 answers · asked by justwondering 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As long as you both can mutually keep it secret from the kids, then there's no problem with it. These are decisions and sacrifices we, as adults, have to make when it comes to our kids and their psychological development and future. My Godparents stayed together for the kids and no one knew until their kids grew up and moved out and they announced they were getting a divorce, stating that they stayed together so they could raise their children with what they believed was important role models an morals. GOOD LUCK!!
2006-10-04 18:40:53 · answer #1 · answered by afafae25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a long complicated answer that you would have to do a lot of research on. Anyway, here is a short answer:
It's not necessarily wrong, but it certainly isn't right. If you are in a bad relationship, your children will see that and it will only cause them pain. Most people don't realize it, but when children are witnessing abuse, it is really abuse towards them as well. Also, children model their own behavior after their parents behavior. Do you really want your kids to watch and learn from how your husband treats you? No.
There has been some research about this lately. Some research shows that a divorce from a bad relationship can actually help the children.
I would try counseling first, to see if the relationship is salvageable. If you have done all you can, don't feel bad about leaving a bad relationship, especially if it is abusive!
Remember, children are very resilient. Many women remain in relationships because they are afraid that a divorce will have a negative impact on the children, but that is not necessarily true. Just try to make the transition for them as easy as possible. Also, note that the older the children get, the more difficult a divorce will be for them, especially right after divorce. Some research suggests that disciplinary problems increase initially after divorce.
2006-10-04 18:31:54 · answer #2 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something inside of your husband has to change before this will get better. Through my past experience, people that are insecure really hardly ever grow out of it. As far as staying with him for the sake of the kids, I always say that it is easier on the kids to have two happy parents apart rather than two miserable parents together. If he is being emotionally abusive, I would leave. He is the one who needs help and, trust me, you are in no position to provide that to him. You deserve better than someone who constantly thinks that you are sneaking around his back. Do yourself a favor and move on and somewhere down the road you will meet someone who is confident in the fact that you are with them for a reason!
2006-10-04 18:21:25 · answer #3 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of it. Everyone will give you the same answer. The kids will be hurt either way. Stay in a abusive relationship and allow them to see the problems and get hurt all the time evertime OR get out right now, have the kids cry for a while, but eventually they will realize it may have been for the best. You know the answer. You just want some backup and here it is. Please, be safe. :) There's nothing worse than a partner who cannot trust. Your life with him will be the same and it won't change, I can promise you that.
2006-10-04 18:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by usc2sw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is wrong to stay in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage for the kids. You shouldn't have to apologize for talking to the neighbor. Your husband has a lot of insecurities and he needs to work on them, and best he work on them without you. You should / need to leave. Don't be with someone whom mistreats you. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and understands you. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that can give you all the love in the world, all the trust in the world, all the honesty and loyalty he can give you. Being with someone who is emotionally abusive is unhealthy. You shouldn't cower to his words, you shouldn't be fighting constantly, he shouldn't question your faithfulness to him. Sure we all have our insecurities and sure we carry jealousy around and I've known many men to be like that, but there has to come to a point where he's either gonna trust you or he's not. Smothering a person because of his insecurities, isn't healthy, and he's proving it, because you're becoming intolerant of him, and sooner you're gonna push him farther and farther apart. A marriage is based on trust, love and honesty. If he can't hold that end of the bargain, than he isn't worth being with, because you are a princess and deserve to be treated so much better. Having small children around his emotionally abusive behavior isn't healthy neither. There is too much negativity. Your children should grow up in a happy environment with good role models around. Don't let your children grow up with two people who obviously aren't happy and are constantly fighting, because they may grow up thinking they are always doing something wrong or they could grow up with some complex issue. They don't wanna see their mom getting pushed around. You all deserve better. So, please sweetie, get out of the relationship and do for yourself and your children. Any man who does this doesn't deserve you and your kids as a family. He should love his family and provide more than money for his family. He should provide love, respect and admiration and amongst other important things in life. GL sweetie.
2006-10-04 18:47:26 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Sweetness572♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is wrong to stay in a relationship just for the kids. If your differences can't be resolved then get out and stay out. If you stay just for the kids it makes everyone miserable...especially the kids. Plus it teaches them to do the same when they grow up. Both parents can be an active part the the kids lives without being together, and in the end you both will find some one who truly makes you happy, which in turn will make the kids happier too.
2006-10-04 18:20:12 · answer #6 · answered by Cricket 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't beleive you are asking ....what to do ...when you are saying what you are saying.....can't you see that he was looking for an excuse so he could be out of the house, my intuition he has someone else....specially when men are doing it they always feel guilty and for not feel that way they make you feel guilty ...they start to complain for things that you do or things that you shouldn't....you are asking this questions because you think that he might change and you will keep the marriage ....well wake up this is reality and he will not change maybe change girlfriends but not change attitude an abusive person can be abusive with your kids as well ...he is already by treating you like that ....if you love yourself but more than anything love your kids you are mother before than a wife.....he will not give you any value until you give it to yourself...respect yourself so he can respect you too
2006-10-04 18:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by Yami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your life too. All of this is bad for the kids in the long run as well. You can raise normal healthy kids separated. Maybe you two need to split on a trial basis. See how it goes. Emotional abusive relationships in marriages have more vistims than you think. In the end the kids shouldnt be the glue. Dont include them in that manner.
2006-10-04 18:20:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not WRONG. But no solution works for everyone.
You got yourself in a committed relationship w/ 2 small kids. Regardless of all who say just up and leave, think long and hard. First, its not as easy to do as they put it. Second, divorce is hard on everyone, specially the kids. True, a bad relationship isn't good for the kids, but divorce can be just as traumatic.
Marriage counseling is an option.
2006-10-04 18:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by xoxo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you 'constantly argue' then you aren't doing your kids any favors. You're setting a bad example as far as relationships go, and you're also keeping them in an unfriendly and emotionally tense environment.
Either seek couples counseling to work on your husband's emotional insecurity problems, or end the relationship.
2006-10-04 18:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by sueflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋