I broke up with my first love and I am married now. Why do I still dream about my first love?

Question

I broke up with my first love because he was immature and married someone else. It has been two years and I am still thinking, dreaming, and wishing to see my first love again. What is my problem? He literally haunts my dreams (he is still alive though). The dreams are always negative but I still feel this extreme love toward him. Someone diagnose me!

Answer 1

This is dangerous territory. Is your present marriage missing some things that you miss about your 1st love?

I am struggling with a situation with a "special person" from my early college years. After 29 years apart, I looked him up; I'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was getting my affairs in order (wonders of the networking and the web.) We live 1500 miles apart. We WERE faithfully married, each of us for over 25 years, to other people (still are). We fell head over heals in love with each other for real this time, and we met on three occasions. A year ago, Oct. 5th, on bended knee, he asked me to marry him. It all fell apart two weeks later.

I will think I am over him and then bam, the loss of his love hits me full force. I loved this man. I was going to leave my family for him. He was not ready for his wife's reaction to splitting up. She said to "break all contact" with me, and so did their marriage counselor. On Dec. 20th, he did just that. It was on the eve of my finding out if my cancer had recurred. He couldn't wait until I found out; until HE found out. He said he still loved me but could not have me in small amounts. He felt obligated to mend his marriage and apparently has been true to that end.

When I have these spells, where I just miss him in my life, and the feelings overwhelm me, I have tried to contact him. I told him I could never agree to that. But it takes two to communicate. I receive NO response. If I try again, I find I've been blocked. E-mails, and even his cell phone have their blocks. When he just ignored my calls and I left a voice mail, he bought a special phone that screens his calls. No expense is too high it would appear. And this is the man who wanted to marry me a year ago.

I suffer alone. No one wants to sympathize with "the other woman." I heard a song on my drive home tonight in the car and I was sobbing in the dark. I've heard all the advice, read the advice, and agree with the advice, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it's a crap game.

I read one source that said in cases such as mine, a sudden "no contact" can create a deep depression and time of mourning for 4-7 years. When you mourn someone's loss, there's no control over when the sadness will come. So I may die with this broken heart. I still love him in spite of his ignoring me. He's dead to me, yet he's alive for another woman. What an old fool I was... I AM... for love.

Don't do what I did. You can't control your dreams but you DO control when you are awake and daydreaming the "what if" game. Don't look the guy up unless the two of you are free and clear first. It's just not worth the pain. It's just not.

I'm still married to the greatest guy who has been very patient. I am trying to throw myself back into my marriage. But I will never be the same. I lost my marriage virginity. I lost my innocence. It robbed both of us of that. My DH is in the next room, with his snoring/breathing machine. I'll join him soon and still feel the emptiness. I was so happy just a year ago. I miss the feeling.

I'll be thinking and praying for you, that your 1st love stops haunting your dreams. Good luck, luv!

Mars

Answer 2

I don't think there are anything wrong with you. I am in your shoes as well... I've talked to some of my friends and they do have the same situation as us. They still have dreams and feel bitter towards their exes. I believe the reason you still think and have dreams about him is b/c he's your first love. your first love with be with you forever in your heart. You guys may of broken up in a bad way...where can't understand why the break even happened. you can love someone and not be w/ that person. Think about it do you think you would be happy if you and him got back together? Like you said, you are now a married woman. You should focus on your husband and your life together. Your ex was your past and your husband is your future.

Answer 3

Okay, i am speaking from experience. The reason you are having these dreams is this, things always looks brighter on the other side. He was your first love and that love you will never forget. You aren't with him because
"because he was immature"
so you moved on and you shouldn't sabotage your marriage about a love that isn't in the moment. If you got back with him he could be just the immature person you broke up with.

I do feel your pain and love isn't easy!

Good luck.

Answer 4

you said it already....the first love!!! We will never forget our first love no matter how old we are or how long it has been and no matter what the reason was it didn't last. we can never again have the feeling of the first time we fell in love. my first love was over 10 years ago and it ended badly, but i always say that if he ever came back into my life i would drop everything to be with him, and i am married too! I still have dreams about him to this day too. Nothing can compare to that special time in our lives. you are not alone, and it will always be special. just know that you are with the love of your LIFE.

Answer 5

We will always remember our first loves, personally I wouldn't have it any other way. To this day everytime I hear the name "Anne" it brings me back to my first. What you have to do is turn the memories, thoughts, dreams, wishes you have of him into a positive.

I know alot of people try to forget bad or unfortunate events in the past. I am the opposite. I want to remember everyday so that it comes to a point where I say "Yes thats a part of my past, it defines who I am today, my being".

You may think your thoughts of your first are extreme love, that may be your mind overanalyzing things because he was your first. Just think of the good things, and put in your mind that those good things help you define who you are that they'll help you with your current relationship.

My door right now has 2 things on it that I need to remember everyday. The first are 4 chinese characters that say "Love at first sight". This is for the girl I fell inlove with 3 years ago but nothing ever came to fruition. I want to remember that every single day so I remember what I went thru in the past. The highs the lows. So now when I meet people i'm a better person that what I was 3 years ago.

3 years ago I could barely mutter a word to her. Now when I see her we enjoy lengthy and meaningful conversations. I put it down to seeing those chinese characters every day (yes she was chinese).

The other image is a picture of me missing the penalty kick that would've sent my team to the finals of a futsal tournament a couple years back. We all know those hollywood stories the star goes last steps up takes the shot and wins it for the team. It was just that up until I made contact with the ball, then in slow motion I saw it coming back after the keeper saved it. Yes I took the shot and yes I missed it, and now I want to remember it everyday.

That made me stronger. Now im the first one to step of for penalties. Sure ill miss a few, but at least I step up with confidence everytime.

Going back to your ex. Remembering him is a good thing. Use those memories. Better yourself because of him. Write him a thank you note.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

is yr huby not loving or goodlooking or successful enough for you? what is it that u r lacking in yr huby? is it that yr lover took yr virginity ? if so its normal to feel the way u do. is sex wi yr huby not as good as it was wi yr lover?
and dreams r -ve? and yet? it wont work dahling. be true to yr mate, only this is going to bring u peace not hankering for some1 else's husband. i m sure u wud find yr huby more appealing if u knew there were other women after him but he chooses u all the time.
and marraiges grow as u grow. its a vry strong bond. OR, do u thk its in you to go to yr lover, break his marriage n yrs? and he has moved on, when will u?
find comfirt in what u have or get out of this marriage and rethink about what u really want. think long term ALWAYS.
LOVE has to happen fr both sides for it to have a happy ending. anyway now its too late. Stick to yr marriage and make that work and see good things in yr hubby. or does he have none? I feel sorry for yr huby.
say u were in yr huby's shoes, what wud u have felt? how can u say NEGATIVE and LOVE in the same sentence?

Answer 7

I think everyone will always have a place in their heart (and mind) for their first love. I think the negativity of the dream comes from you feeling like you're not supposed to think about him.

Answer 8

That's just being human; my mom who is 88, still remembers her first love. I think the romantic in us maintains the memories real or imagined of that special someone, I think its natures way of keeping us warm when those cold storms of life pass; but the trick is to put those memories back in your memory box so that you can be in the here and now for your family.

Answer 9

i'd say in simple terms dangle in there till you get performed with college and may want to leave him. both that, or attempt chatting with him about the way you sense. i guess that once you've the favor to make him chuffed, and not in any respect be in touch about YOU having time for YOU, then fairly of observing television at nighttime, sparkling homestead. i understand i'd not even with the actuality that. adult males might want to be completely insensitive. He might want to no longer even understand he's performing the way he's. I regularly locate that giving him what he's giving seems after it. and then say you've been in simple terms attempting to act like him.

Answer 10

Maybe there is an aspect of your current relationship that you are unsatisfied with.

You need to try and make a conscious effort not to think of him. We often forget what hurt it is that made us break up in the first place. Remember why it is that he is an ex.