my girlfiend of 3 years always act as if we are not together in public and around her family. but everyone who knows us knows that we are together. she always makes these comments that make me feel that our relationship is wrong. but then at home she is affectionate and we have the best sex. and this is not her first lesbian relationship so why does she act this way?
2006-10-04 16:51:19 · 11 answers · asked by psychologistnovelist 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
but i am like her third relationship, this is not new to her. she told me about all her relationships with women
2006-10-04 16:56:00 · update #1
you guys dont understand. she has never been ashamed of anything. this is not characteristic of her personallity. she really doesnt care what people think about her, it just doesnt make sense
2006-10-04 17:07:21 · update #2
Sometimes the way we are raised can creep up on us from time to time. Especialy around our family. You should talk to her and let her know that she hurts your feelings and makes you feel like your relationship is wrong. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing these things.
Honestly thou hon... It is like my grandmother always used to tell me "if it isn't down in the well it wont come up in the bucket" meaning if it wasnt in her someplace it wouldnt come out her mouth and actions. So someplace in her she is ashamed of her actions and her own skin, and yes gay people can be homophobic. It is something that is taught from childhood and we have to unlearn it. Give her time and talk to her about it. it is probably family influence. also you may want to keep an eye on when she acts this way in public is it in a place that she may be afraid of being seen by certain people? did she just start a new job that she may be getting flack from the people she works with?
There are many factors that may be at play here.
You need to have a conversation with your girl.
Wife (the femme half of a butch/femme duo of advice columnists named Hersband and Wife)
2006-10-04 17:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by hersbandandwife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In light of the fact that she's out and you're not the first, I really don't know what to tell you. Could she perhaps be getting static from her family or somebody at work? It seems to me like you need to talk to her about this. The fact that she's affectionate and having sex with you at home is a good sign.
2006-10-05 00:34:27 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through that for awhile myself. It sounds like she enjoys having you as a girlfriend, but may be feeling ashamed and embarassed about being gay. She probably sees how general society is towards gays and is fearful of the negativity that can come with being gay. Just be understanding of why she acts like this in public and around her family. Try your best to be supportive and comforting to her. That you are there for her.
2006-10-04 23:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by palebeachbum 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has she always acted this way? It does sound like she might be ashamed of being seen with you in more than a friend way. You should talk to her and tell her how you feel.
2006-10-05 16:42:22 · answer #4 · answered by Scully 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anyway somebody from here can answer your question. We can not tell if it is a problem with being uncomfortable demonstrating a lesbian relationship in public, that she simply does not like being demonstrative in public, or if there is some kind of problem in your relationship.
There is only one solution: Ask her.
2006-10-05 01:45:45 · answer #5 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Talk about great and caring answers and I can only add that I agree with all of them.
Have seen way too much of gals going through what your partner is going through and the first few answers you have recieved hit the nail on the head.
Good luck to you and your partner
2006-10-05 00:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by dragon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she probably thinks it makes her family uncomfortable, so she does it to avoid a confrontation w/ family, or an uncomfortable time w/ them.
maybe she is private about her relationships; some people are and don't like public displays of affection.
or maybe she was ridiculed as a child for being gay (or for other reasons) and it's a self-protection thing. why don't you ask her
2006-10-05 00:26:38 · answer #7 · answered by Becky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not comfortable with it, like what a lot of people above said. She knows the social stigma that comes with being a homosexual. I know someone who's like that because she doesn't want to be ostracized by her coworkers. Try to come to terms with it and don't feel hurt.
2006-10-05 08:07:29 · answer #8 · answered by very_very_confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
societal pressures can cause a person to deny who they are not only to the public but also to him/herself. it seems like your gf is expressing internalized homophobia. on some level, she still feels like what she is doing is wrong and she is struggling with her own sexual orientation. i think that you should tell her that it bothers you so that she can get some help or talk to someone about it. it's not fair to the relationship and definitely not to you.
2006-10-04 23:57:08 · answer #9 · answered by uvachic1215 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's not completely comfortable in her own skin.
2006-10-04 23:54:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋