How do i deal with my husband?

Question

I just wanna cry... I have a husband that constantly cuts me out of decisions that should be made together. Such as, we got a cash advance on one of our credit cards to take a trip to Disney with my family in February?
When I started about the hotel we would be staying in last night, he said " We can't afford that right now, I put the money towards a larger payment on blah, blah, blah." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our bills are fine, he just doesn't want to go.
He wasn't going to tell me until it was too late!! Our 4 yr old is SO psyched for this trip and then he pulls this sh*t??? Then he says "If your parents can pay for you and her, you two can go, that would be ok with me".
I don't even know how to deal with this!!
This is a larger scale version of what is ALWAYS going on. Anything financial? We have been married over a year and still hasnt put my name on OUR bank account! I've threatened to keep my checks, he does whatever he wants anyway. This is how his family treats women. HELP?!

I have tried to get him to counseling too and he says everything is fine. He won't go and i'm seriously about to lose it, I was happier when I was single.

I want to make things work but I have tried so many times only to get the same answer. He sticks his head in the sand and figures if he waits long enough i'll just accept things.

another detail, I work part time doing home hospice care so I bring in nearly the same pay as he does AND I do everything in the house and take care of our child.

Cara, I can totally see him getting all pumped for something like that... thanks for the image, it made me laugh:)

Answer 1

seriously a lot of good answers in here today they r all correct when telling you to open your own acct. Figure out your bills and just pay your half of the bills put the rest in your own acct then your covered for when and if that day comes you want to leave. Or even have the money put away to take a vacation with you and your child just the two of you and tell him if he wants to go he will pay for himself and half of your childs stuff also. However one important thing to remember is marriage is not all about money and if your not happy do you really want to raise your daughter like that to have her grow and learn to just accept things like that and be treated that way by men? Be a good example for her because with a child in your life it is no longer just about you or him it is about your child and if your not happy she can pick up on it and learn from your actions. In a way it is good that you do not have a big support group because then whatever decisions you make you were not influenced by anyone you did it on your own and live with that decision. If you do leave I am sure you will make friends and there is always groups out there you can go to. Lots of people have gone through what you are going through and it may hurt but in time you will heal. I could go on but I won't if you want to chat you can email me I will chat with you. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Well by sticking around you are accepting it. You need to stand your ground firmly. I don't know if you do not work but in case you are a stay at home mom do not feel guilty about not bringing in any money. What you do is so much more than what he could ever work for. You should let him know that you will not accept this behavior anymore and that you find it unjust and humiliating to not be a part of the decision making. Start getting yourself situated with someone who can help you out from the start and move out and start doing it back on your own. By controlling everything he feels very powerful and more than likely feels that you will never leave since he controls everything in your family's life. You can do it on your own, you've done it before you just have one more responsibility to take care of. Ultimately he will end up having to part with his money due to child support and will not have a say so over what you do or how you do it. good luck to you in what ever you decide to do and hopefully you find some answers that you are looking for. Be careful and stay strong, you deserve only the best always remember that.

Answer 3

A marriage is a partnership and your husband is not letting you be his partner. I too have a husband that makes all the financial decisions without my concent. I don't exist when money is involved. So I know exactly how you feel. Yeah, single IS better, I agree totally. My husband didn't put me on his account until after a year. I was totally hurt, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. Then when I got a little money from a car accident I was in, I opened my own account. He told me he was hurt because I didn't put his name on my account. I said, yeah, well, now you know how it feels. I still haven't put his name on MY account. I even went an bought a used car and didnt' put his name on anything. Two can play that game. But really, it's not a game. I'm bitter and hurt and it has ruined our marriage. No matter how much I fight back, he ends up winning in the end. I think it's total bullsh*t when men do this. I'm making my plan to excape this way of life................. I hope things will change for you. I really feel for your son, he is the one that is being hurt by your husband this time and that is not fair. He is only a child, with tiny dreams.

Answer 4

I've just gotta ask: If you knew this was how the men treated their women in his family, what made you think he would possibly be any different?

Sounds like you 2 are living totally seperate lives, and he's a jerk on top of that. This may be hard for you to do, but you'd better put your foot down and say it's counseling or else, and stick to the ultimatum, because frankly, I think he'll pick "or else". If that's the deal, then go. And then realize, when he finally goes after you, that it will always take a divorce threat (and you physically going through with it) to get his attention, and nothing else.

I suspect if he hasn't hit you already, that will start somewhere down the road. Get counseling, or get out. No alternatives!

Answer 5

I realize this sound insensitive, but subtract your age from an arbitrary figure like 80 (you'll probably live that long), then whatever answer you get, add 2 years (that's about how long a divorce is going to take from front to finish)....and then the number you now have left is the number of years you can be much happier than you are now. Even being single is better than the demeaning role you now have, but you probably won't remain single, because you have a good head on your shoulders, but no one to share it with.

Answer 6

This is a rather well query! Yes, my husband does have it rather good. I do all of the cooking, and the cleansing for essentially the most side. I am the principal choice maker relating to the kids, no longer given that he cant, he simply trusts my judgment extra. But, actually, i assume i might say I have it greater. I imply, he is going to paintings daily, I keep dwelling (and keep rather busy as good) If for a few intent I couldnt prepare dinner that day, my husband thinks its no biggie, if he comes dwelling and sees the youngsters are being tricky that day, he does the only factor he recognize i might admire! He is going instantly to the dishwasher to emtpy or load it. He by no means tells me no. He NEVER raised his voice, I do regardless that, im very well at it! His persistence is one among an angel! The proven fact that he places up with me is a miracle! I am rather obnoxious and i've the average loud and opinionated coonass mouth! And while that "time of the month" comes round, OMG!!!! He NEVER blames my erratic habits on it, and is available in armed with a enormous mac and snickers!! AND, no ladies, that is very unusual and that i nonetheless dont realize this, but if he's ill, like jogging fever ill, he does no longer inform me! He is going to paintings via it, is helping with the youngsters via it, the whole thing. He says if he tells me then unwell make him keep dwelling and he doesnt wish me to have got to move out of my approach to care for him! Talk approximately make me consider like **** while i uncover out he used to be ill all that point and that i by no means knew! I bet with each have it beautiful well. He has me to do the whole thing for him and the youngsters, however he is there to support if I want him too. He's very quiet so the truth that he loves my loud mouth his hilarious!!!

Answer 7

Sounds as if your husband may be trying to control you with money. Obviously there are trust issues. Since his upbringing was this way, it can kind of be expected. You should take a stand against your husband, letting him know that trust is a basis for marriage, and that you want your name on that checking account. And let him know that there IS A PROBLEM, and that he NEEDS to go to counceling with you. If he again refuses, let him know you marriage could be in really big trouble down the road. You should be included in household money decisions, and all family decisions for that. Maybe you could write down all the time you have felt/feel controlled by him, and present them to him. He may be oblivious that hes being an Old fashioned pig.

Answer 8

If this is how he wants to do sh!t, then the next time his birthday comes around, or the holidays, get him all pumped up for it like you've got something in mind like a nice steak dinner cooked by you romantically without the kid around and then let him have it, "I'm sorry, I used the money to get the oil changed at 2000 miles instead of 3000, Happy Birthday!!!". I wish I had more for you but I at least wanted to get that in. Sometimes I have to force my husband into my shoes so he knows how it feels to be let down. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 9

Open an account and put your checks in it. Use (if possible) his money to pay the bills and start saving for a divorce. Any joint cc ya'll have, take your name off of them. This guy isn't going to change and do you really want your child to think that this is how a marriage works??

Answer 10

All the counseling in the world won't help if he doesn't see any problem with his attitude. I suggest u open your own bank acct under your name only and u tell him straight up that unless he learns to compromise and be a partner in your marriage, that from now on, u are going to keep your own money separate from his just in case of emergency.