Why do disrespectful, disruptive high school students never apologize for their actions?

Question

I work in a high school and I deal with the worst of the worst behavioral students. All of them lie, cheat, and call me names. When I write them up, the parents tell their kids to apologize but they never do. Today the mother told her son several times to apologize to me but he never did. Why is it so hard for these kids to apologize when they know they have behaved so badly?

Yes and the students that tell me they "hate me" is because I make them responsible and accountable for their actions. The teachers they like are the ones that they run over and walk all over because they let them get away with bad behavior.

Answer 1

An apology is an admittance of guilt. They can't do that because they feel like they would lose face. Think if you were caught in a lie, would you back pedal and apologize, or would you try to stick to the lie as long as you could or try to justify the lie first? The vast majority of people would initially do one of the latter two before doing the first. It's the same kind of thing. It's embarrassing. If they apologize, they not only feel like they are losing part of their identity of being tough and independent, but they also have to internalize their own fallibility, which may be even harder. And the "face" they're losing isn't necessarily in anyone else's view, so much as in their own. They assume their self esteem would suffer if they admit guilt, even though the opposite is true. So instead they rationalize their wrong as being not their fault, and therefore, nothing to apologize for.

You can blame their parents, you can blame tv, you can blame past teachers, you can blame their peers, but in the end, they'd probably do the same thing even if all those others were positive influences, because it's really more of a lack of emotional maturity than anything else. Put the blame where it belongs -- on the student. You've already found out that you can't make someone apologize. But, you can hold them accountable and hope that in doing so, they'll eventually grow up and be better for it.

For the record, in high school, it was never the push-over teachers I respected. It was the tough ones who insisted respect but who also encouraged us that we could be better and believed that we could succeed whom I liked the most. If you can balance the two, your tough love approach may not be the most popular on the kids, but it will have the longest lasting, most positive effect. It isn't enough to tell kids to behave or to tell them to be better, but you have to tell them why they should and how to get there. You have to give them a reason to care.

Answer 2

Look at the world we're in -- particularly in the USA - where people sue over spilling hot coffee on themselves. So many people place responsibility on everyone and everything but themselves. This isn't an excuse - just a possible explanation. You're they're teacher - why not find an interesting way to teach the curriculum while incorporating the idea of taking responsibility for your actions?

Also, unfortunately, you're in a position of having to enforce what the parents should be enforcing. Call that mother and let her know he didn't apologize. That mother should be marching into the school WITH her son to make SURE he apologizes.

And so what if they say they "hate" you? As a teacher, it behooves you to grow a thicker skin and not let their bad attitudes get to you. Much easier said than done, I know, but your job is to help them learn and learn how to learn. The kids who know better will RESPECT you for teaching and expecting respect and responsibility.

There's so much more to discuss here, but, sadly, this isn't set up as a discussion forum.

Answer 3

It's interesting that when the parents tell their children to apologize, the kids ignore them. That speaks volumes about how they were brought up and what the level of discipline (and respect) was in the home.
It's a sad thing, but a very general condition. These kids think the world owes them something, but they have yet to give anything to the world.
I'm sorry for you -- it must be very difficult to work with them, especially as so many teachers are concerned with being popular, rather than being professional.

Answer 4

It's not just you. In high school they think they know everything. As a student i was not one of them but i remember friends that were. The thing was, i was taught to respect teachers. I was also a teachers aide and i can recall how disrespectful others would be to my assigned teacher. She would let them walk all over her. When i would grade a paper and someone would complain she would change it for them. The answer was wrong and they knew it but that didn't matter.
So you just have to remember that in the long run they are hurting themselves. All of these disrespectful brats are going to get to college and try to pull this. Well, i know my friends that pulled this in high school never made it past the first round of weed out classes at the University.
So stick with what you are doing. Don't go out of your way to aggravate them but don't back down either. Force them to get a taste of college. They'll need it later.

Answer 5

Because their parents never punish them for not apologizing! Why should the kid act any different than what he's been taught through the years? I bet most of the parents get out to their car after picking them up and question why you made such a "big deal" out of "nothing". I have a neighbor with a problem child. Oh, she's good at telling you what you want to hear in front of your face, but when you walk away, she tells her kid that everyone is just out to get him. And jokes about her, "demon child that no one likes" right in front of him! Parents these days. Hrmmph. I don't know how you teachers do it. Much respect to you.

Answer 6

Teenagers rebel. It is really hard to force them to do anything they don't want to do, and you may believe they are behaving badly but they don't see it that way. They feel like they're just being misunderstood and forced to be in a place they don't want to be. It really sucks that they can be so disrespectful and rude, but it starts at home. Parents send their kids to school and expect teachers to raise them. Just be strong and try to stay positive because if you have a negative view of them they will see that in your actions.

Answer 7

In their minds they are the ones in the right! The rest of us are in the wrong. They have this mind set that the world owes them their due. And they have every right to take it. That's why they have the behavioural problems. Getting thru to them is a long, sometimes difficult process. Some of them don't figure it out till they end up in jail or prison. Some of them never figure it out. Call in Dr. Phill. I'm sure he has a solution!

Answer 8

i'm a intense college instructor so I have some journey the following. initially maximum intense college scholars at the prompt are not disruptive and opt to study. yet, convinced, there are some scholars who do no longer opt to study or do not imagine they could study who would seek for to objective to deliver the classification all the way down to their aspect. There are also scholars who're immature or who've ADHD and do not take Their drugs who're consistently looking for the instructor's or different scholar's interest. it really is likewise disruptive. There are also some scholars who've actually in worry-free words discovered a thanks to "beat the gadget" of their earlier years in college and performance no longer positioned any ability into getting to entice close the concern of the direction. they could, yet no longer continually, be disruptive. yet I discourage non performers from staying in my instructions. maximum scholars paintings those themes out once they end the 9th grade. there is an significant drop interior the probabilities of disruptive scholars once you move from the 9th to the tenth grade. for this reason i will not coach 9th graders as i opt to coach and under no circumstances toddler sit down or entertain scholars even as they're bouncing off the walls. i do not supply my scholars a call as to in the journey that they study or no longer or are disruptive or no longer. I coach sciences and mathematics and don't have the time to entertain malcontents. I fail any scholars who do not carry out as a lot not less than favourite. in the journey that they are disruptive, and a be certain instructor convention doesn't be certain the concern, i'm getting them out of the classification once plausible and move them into different a lot less complicated classes with different scholars in instructions the position they couldn't intervene with scholars who opt to study. training councilors do not opt to attempt this even if that's the in worry-free words ingredient it really is wise. If instructors at the prompt are not complicated nosed about disruptive scholars they're going to spoil the classification. that's the duty of a instructor to dodge that from happening.

Answer 9

They are never forced to apologize because political correctness and perceived self esteem take precedence over responsibility and respect! It's sad, but this is the state our society is in!!

Answer 10

Because their mommies and daddies never made them apologize for their disruptive, disrespectful behavior BEFORE they became high school students.