Ok I already ask this last week I just need some more opinions, its a hard decision. I have been married for 2 years and me and my wife still has not had sex yet. I don't understand what the problem is. We had tried before but everytime she stops me telling me it hurts or her legs are too short, she can't spread them open all the way. I think that's a lame excuse if you ask me. I had spoken with her about this and it ends up in an argument and her just turning over and going to sleep and she acts like nothings wrong the next day. I have asked her has she been molested as a child and she says no, and I have asked her was she raped and she said no. What else could it be. I have been with her for 5 years now and I love her with all my heart and I would die for her but how much longer can I go without sex? Am I just being a typical guy who just wants sex? Should I wait longer for her? Someone please give me some insight on this, what would you do in a situation like this?
2006-10-04 16:16:36 · 29 answers · asked by ads23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing wrong with you wanting sex. There's got to be some reason she's scared to do it. Is she a virgin and just really scared? Maybe you can start off with just fingering her and letting her hold your hand as you do it so she feels in control and knows whats going on. Actually, start with clitoral stuff so she gets wet, then let her touch herself, so she feels it and let her play with herself with you helping. Then let her wet finger go inside herself like a centimeter or two, just to get her used to it. Your could put her hand on her clit and rub it with her so she feels the stimulation from herself. If this is the problem, the together thing may help a lot, and it could be fun and sensual. Just be patient and gentle with her. And just because she said that she was not molested or raped, doesn't mean she wasn't. She could have been threatened by her dad about telling someone and she's still controlled by this fear. Otherwise, you need to go to a counselor to find out the more deeply rooted problem. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!!
2006-10-04 16:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by afafae25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not being a typical guy you have every right to ask your married wife that you married to make love to you. Its natural and you love her and want to share that with her. I also feel that your getting a raw deal here. I mean you married her expecting you would live like man and wife do and she's denying you sex.
Good you are kind and patient but I think its time to move to the next step. You need for her to go see a doctor or a therapist and this will take even more time dont' expect her to change over night she is very scared about something. and they will dig down and try to find out what is holding her back. you have done everything as a huband you can. Best all you can do now for her is to get her help with this situation. this isnt' healthy . And you can't expect to live another 20 years this way. Its also not fair to you.
Good luck
2006-10-04 16:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her legs are too short? That's the strangest excuse. NEVER had sex together? Holy cow! You are the most caring, patient husband EVER to walk the earth. I wonder if she had sex before with someone who was not (uhum) gentle, and she thinks sex may be that painful or unenjoyable. There is something definitely unhealthy about this situation, though. Good OBGYN's typically ask their patients if they're enjoying sex to find out if there are any issues there. She needs to get over her tantrums and talk to you and a doctor calmly about the situation. You've waited 5 years already, and she's completely disregarded your feelings. Maybe you can recommend a date night with a special, romantic surprise that will include lubricant and a slow introduction. Good luck!
2006-10-04 16:27:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has a problem. I don't know what it is but, it's a problem. How have you been as far as romancing her goes? Done any of that or has it been let me at you and get me some???? It seems like she is afraid of something, pain maybe or pregnancy, have you discussed that part. Have you been with a lot of women before her? She may feel inadequate. Try romance, dinner, some wine, doing fun things like when you dated. If it doesn't work get her to see a therapist. She does need to figure out why she is this way. You are married and sex is a part of that union.
good Luck.
2006-10-04 16:25:00 · answer #4 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Youre not a monster for wanting to have sex with your wife. But there is something definitely wrong.
Ask her to go to a doctor with you. She might have an extremely painful condition where the vagina constricts severely during sex, making it pretty impossible for you to enter. After ensuring whether or not she has this condition, treatment and counselling should be happening. She has been attempting to have sex with you for two years and because it has failed every other time, there must be some psychiatric blockage happening, telling her that next time will be painful. When you think something is going to be painful, you automatically tense up. Not good when attempting to have sex.
When it is safe to attempt intercourse again, make sure you take your time, don't allow her to feel pressured, and do whatever she needs to feel relaxed and to feel pleasure before the intercourse. Experiment. Try having her on top or in another position that gives her control of the angle and depth. Missionary style is not very first-time-user friendly.
Also, make sure you make her feel loved and admired and desirable outside of the bedroom as well. Flowers, notes of love and encouragement, candlelit home-cooked dinners. Out-do yourself in showing her that you love her.
2006-10-04 16:48:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this same problem early on in my marriage. I talked with my mother about it she told me to ask my father. He told women sometimes just don't want to, just be patient and bare with her. I did and my patience was rewarded. 4 years ago I was getting the same excuses, I thought the exact same thing you did. I became patient I did not bother with it I found spending time with the kids and occasionally going out for a beer. I did not bring it up I tried and tried to show I wasn't upset but I really was. I would try flirting telling her how good she looked and how much I wanted her. Eventually she gave in I got it a little more frequently, we are no bunnies but it is better than not at all. Patience my friend that is your life partner she is worth the wait.
2006-10-04 16:32:54 · answer #6 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do no longer have some thing further to do with this woman till her divorce is very last. she will be able to prefer to how you could stand on her own 2 ft earlier she has some thing to furnish you. And undergo in recommendations that there are continually 2 aspects to each and each tale. what is going on in her marriage will be better her fault than you already recognize. supply her a at the same time as and area to get her life together, and if she does, then take it slowly. do no longer rush in to rescue this woman. She is an man or woman, and he or she does no longer want a guy to attempt to make each little thing all better suited.
2016-11-26 03:24:15 · answer #7 · answered by Erika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously are a very understandable person .
It is hard for me to understand what is going on with your wife and probably it will be hard for anyone trying to answer this question as i am sure your wife if a complex person and has a good reason that stands behind this.
From my experience as a relationship coach the base for it is fear ( it can be fear that you might not like it, fear that she won't be the woman that she wants to be...and so on....but some sort of fear) I would try to suggest some couples counseling or relationship coaching ...
Best of luck to you,
Alexa
2006-10-04 16:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by ilfecoach 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she really has more going on then she telling you. You need to sit her down and tell her exactly what you are telling us. Tell her that you just can not live without being intimate with the one that you love. If she still can not come clean with her feelings then you need to push her into talking by letting her know that you will start to seek your needs elsewhere if she can not understand your feelings. Being married means being in a partnership and that is having to understand each others wants and needs as well as respecting each others decisions and feelings. She needs to be more loving and understanding on her part for your situation and try to correct it on her side instead of just rolling over and going to sleep. Did you ever cheat on her? If you hurt her over something stupid action then you really know why she is acting this way and just need to let her go and heal on her own. good luck to you and wish you the best.
2006-10-04 16:39:34 · answer #9 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when people are in love sex is a big part. Its not everything but it does mean alot. its something that can bring two people alot closer so dont think that its your fault for wanting it. i dont know what is wrong expect for what she is telling you, maybe it really does hurt her, try doing alot of different positions where she doesnt really have to open her legs and see how that works, try lubeicant to make it easier, and just explain to her that if it really hurts her she should find out why. Ask her if she likes it, and that its a really specail thing to exerpence. You are a really good man seeing as you are willing to wait for her after all of these years. maybe theres somthing wrong with her and she should get it check out and maybe too scared to go get it looked at. Ask her if she is willing to go and find out ways it could be easier for yous, and go find out why its hurting so much and what the doctor can do.
2006-10-04 16:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋