what should i say to my husband?

Question

my husband is overweight but it has never bothered me hes at risk medically for the typical heartattack and diabetis this worries me i have never said anything to him about his weight.i like big guys . my problem is we watched the celeb weigh in show . my husband said i dont look that bad do i ; i paused and said do you want me to be honest and he said yes. i said ok then.how tall is he-and what does he weigh? i said we are the same body type but do i look like that? first of all i have always told him his wieght never bothered me only if it became a medical problem. i kept saying you do the math and finally after 10 min. of do i really i said fine you and he are the same body type and you weigh the same. what should i have said ? I have never judged anyone on their weight. should i have lied to him and said no honey you dont. this is a double -edged sword quesiton help me didnt know what to say. caught off guard.

thank you all soooooo much man i thought i said the wrong thing i was nervous about your responses thanks soooo much, hes had his tyroid out he works 2 full time jobs and one on the side in the summer, my words to him' I didnt marry you to bury you' i cant get him to walk the dog' even. hes been at the hospital with chest pains but so far nothing serious- i mean as far as hes concered i told him this is just signs before a real heartattack, i cried the last time we went to the emergency room over this i dont know what else to do he's 6ft tall and weighs 340.i tell him if not for me for our son. i even went so far as to say ok since you wont take care of yourself think who you want to take care of your son- your sons not going to have a father that hasnt got him motivated. what will get him to wake up and see hes at risk?

Answer 1

GREAT JOB! I really don't see how you could have handled it any better.

You didn't do anything wrong at all!

He wouldn't have asked the question if he didn't, pretty much, already know the answer. It has obviously been on his mind. Weight is a sensitive issue for peeps, even dudes...even the most manly dudes. No one really wants to be fat, right?

Check this out:

My dad (quick disclaimer, I am 28...not some kid) is an iron worker. The most manly of men around, right? Well, he has never been fat fat, like jiggly fat, but he has never been thin either. Well, 6 years ago my grampa had 2 heart attacks and a quadruple bipass...was on life support/in a coma for 3 weeks. At this time, my dad was staring down the barrel of 50 also. Long story short, this was a huge wake up call for him. Him and my mom, who has always been in pretty good shape, started eating right and, my dad especially, started working out...nothing too crazy, just walking a few miles on the treadmill before and after work. In just a few months, he lost like 40 lbs. He has kept it off ever since. Matter of fact, now he is in even better shape.

I tell you all that to tell you this. My dad was the way he was his entire life, until he was 48 years old. Now, he has redefined his body, and not like those people on tv...just doing little things. Also, he is much happier now as well. He has more energy; is in a better mood; goes out and has more fun; him and my mom do alot more fun stuff like hiking in colorado, biking along tropical island beaches, anything you can think of...stuff they would have never done before. His knees and back feel better; he just feels better. He is better. He hangs out with me and my friends more.

Its never too late. Start buying better food; eating better; walking; whatever...take the lead, even if you are as skinny as a rail...Do it. It will be better for both of you.

Answer 2

It was probably hard for you to say just as hard for him to hear it. However now thats its been said this could be good. You need to elaborate on it more though with him. just don't leave it like that. he'll feel like crap and im sure he'll feel depressed..

You mentioned some key notes up above he's very over weight and that you love him to pieces and he is a candidate for diabetes heart attack etc..

Explain to him how very much you love him and that he means everything to you and you don't want to lose him to a heart attack or any other complications he could have with being overweight.

And that this is a wake up call. you want to be able to help him lose this weight. You will do your part by cooking better meals for him his doctor will tell you what he is suppose to eat. and you and him both can get more active and do things together. this will also be good for both of you not only in weight but this will be more quality time for you.

But really stress how much you love him and he's the light of your life and you don't want to lose him. You want him for as long as possible god will let you have him for.

So this is why he needs to lose some weight for his health and cause you love him and want him around alot longer.

Good luck

Answer 3

if you really care for you man you need to tell him the truth tell him that you are really worried about his weight problem and he needs to try to get help. Its no joke people do get bad health problems by over weight. Join a gym with him and work out together three times a week or more. Make it a time to spend with each other. Pick up more healthier food, and cook healthier food. Keep the sweets out of the house and go for walks, and enjoy more activities together. Tell him you want to get into shape as well and think it would be best for the two of yous to get into shape and be more healthier. Tell him that this means alot to you.

Answer 4

If you really care about him, tell him that maybe it is time that he starts watching what he eats. If he is really sensitive about it... then just start fixing all of his meals for him and make sure they are healthy. And you could also do some fun and romantic stuff like go for a moon lit walk or go to the zoo... you know, out doors stuff... it is just as good as exercising without the formal gym stuff...And just be sure to make health the issue, not his weight. And work on it together, you have no idea how hard it is to do this stuff alone...

Answer 5

If you don’t have a habit of commenting on your husband’s weight, he already knows you are not focused there. Perhaps he has been thinking about loosing weight and he wanted your opinion… you are his wife and best friend. He knew you would be honest with him. So… let him reflect on it for awhile and be gracious as you always are. He will come back to you and want to talk about it more. Try and steer the conversation in the direction of “how he feels” about it verses “what you think about it.” It looks like this “honey, I noticed you asked me a few times about this… what are your thoughts?” just listen, repeat back what he says, validate his concerns and affirm him. If he wants to do something about it… offer to join a gym with him and to “be part of” his choice but stay away from “running” the show for him :) You are doing good… hang in there.

Answer 6

When he brings up the subject again, and he will! Be honest with him. Ignoring the issue only makes him feel worse! My husband was overweight and I use to tell him he looked fine to me! When I finally told him I was worried about his weight because of his health, he asked my why I had never spoken up before! Be honest with him and offer to go and work out with him! It really helps your relationship! My husband now trains me and is helping me with losing my weight! We love the time we have together away from the children!

Good luck!

Answer 7

I understand completely . My hubby does and says the same exact things , and God bless him , he has already had a quadruple bypass 8 years ago . He quit smoking but that was as far as changing habits went . I just don't know how they can't see it . We do have mirrors , even full length ones . It is hard to know what to say . I just tell him that he is pushing his luck .
Then when we see someone else who is really bad I'll say things like "I wonder if she knows how bad she is getting ?
Good luck with yours ! Oh yes I have asked our Doctor to do the dirty work for me a few times , that works for a time .

Answer 8

Well this is the case of they want u to be honest but don't want to hear the honest answer. The truth hurts sometimes and hopefully this is enough motivation for him to lose some weight, if not for looks but for his health. Just remember that whenever u mention his weight, come from a "health" standpoint and refrain from criticizing him.

Answer 9

I would take the honest approach and have spoken up many years ago. As a nurse, I cannot tell you how many diseases are brought on by obesity. Sweetie, you don't wait until there is a problem, you do something to prevent it. He needs to first go to the doctor and have a physical and then do something in the weigh loss department with your support. Remember, it is not what you say.....it is how you say it!

Answer 10

You did not judge him by answering him honestly, you probably saved his life if he took your answer to heart and resolves to do something about his weight. Go thru the process w/ him don't make him go it alone, we can all use to loose some weight. The Dr.s say that if you are over a 40" waist you are at a substancialy higher risk for heart disease than if under. Go to the Celeb. fit club web site at VH1.com and look at the stat.s