I am gay and have told a few friends. I am at the point where I really want to tell my parents because I feel myself distancing myself from them because I feel like I'm hiding who I am. The more I think about it the more I worry about it. My biggest fear is not rejection, because I know they will not hate me for it, but it is that I will have disappointed them somehow. Mom wants grandkids ya know, and keeps buggin me about why I haven't found a nice girlfriend yet. Sometimes I think she's doing it because she already knows and just wants me to tell her. Seriously, I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years and have shown no interest in any woman whatsoever.
Anyway, any advice from someone who has dealt with similar situation or feelings. I plan on telling them soon, maybe even on national coming out day, which is next week right? I'm hoping for the best and planning on the worst, I don't think they will kick me out the house but I have a place to go if they do.
Thanks in advance!
2006-10-04 16:04:13 · 15 answers · asked by JR 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You will be surprised at how many parents actually know. They just do not want to come to grips with it. In my situation, my mom found out after my ex's suicide attempt. Like you wanted SO bad to tell her myself. I thought for MONTHS about how to tell her. I sort of came up with a way. However, I did not make it that point.
She did not take the news VERY well at first. She really freaked out. It took some time and everything. She came to the point of acceptance. She even went to Pride with me. She watched me carry the huge rainbow flag. This happened for a few year straight. She even went to a gay club to celebrate my birthday. Back to back nights. She had a wonderful time at both events. She became VERY supportive of me. As far as anyone else. My sister claimed to be OK with it. My brother was highly supportive of it. My "dad" claimed he knew all a long. (I think he is a closet case.) Each person found it in themselves to tell another person. Until everyone knew. I was never really ever rejected from the family.
I had an ex once. He REALLY looked like a FEMALE. He was ALWAYS cross dressing. He usually had something on his person that was a girl's item. (like something in his hair, booty shorts, you name it.) Can you believe he ACTUALLY had to tell his parents? I did not understand that at all.
Each and every case is different I believe. You just have to prepare yourself for any outcome. Not saying that if it is a negative outcome that it won't become positive later in life. If you have a very strong family bond. I hope everything work out for you. I just do not like the religion brought into the coming out process. Yes, you mother would probably be VERY happy to be a grandmother some day. That is STILL possible with you being gay. I look at it this way. Just say you were completely STRAIGHT. You and your girlfriend get together. Later got married. Decide to start a family. Then you get the news that you cannot reproduce. THEN WHAT. Is your mother supposed to hate you because of that. I seriously HOPE not. So this situation oh I want(ed) grandchildren but now I can't because there is no chance. Because you are gay. I wished people did not say that. Also it seem slightly selfish. Because she wants grandchildren. But she won't be supportive in the fact of you being happy.
My situation is ironic. Just a short time ago. My life changed very much. I just so happen to fall in love with a female. The fact of telling the family. It seemed like it was harder for them to understand now that I am straight. Then it was for them to find out that I was gay. I just don't understand it.
OK, he is gay now. The supporting factor built up. Everyone was comfortable with it. Then I told them that I found a new love. That I was straight now. It was like everyone was disappointed to a degree.
2006-10-04 16:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by Dwayne 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you only know when the best time is for you to bring the subject up, don't do what I did and tell them on Xmas day(I thought it was a good time because the whole Family was together!!) On a more serious note you must know which of your Parents is more likely to be best approached and you can then do this delicate task in stages. I think you are very brave to ask your question and I suggest you isolate a gay group that can give advice on this subject matter,is there not a Gay switchboard or something in your area,whatever your choice take it slowly,and dont go in like a Bull in a China shop,you will find a time, but dont let them go to their Graves without telling them or it will bother more than telling them. Also inform your Gay friends and make sure you have a good back up system if all goes Pear shaped.
My thoughts are with you
2006-10-04 16:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by alantreloar1955 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-08-29 07:43:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So my girlfriend and I are going through the exact same thing. Her parents have been in denial for the last 7 years of her life. We have been in a relationship for the last 3 years and she felt like that she could no longer hold our relationship in the are they/aren’t they phase any longer. Her mom acted totally surprised-denial is VERY strong-said she didn’t expect it and that she doesn’t think it's okay AT ALL. However, she didn’t get as crazy as we thought she would but she definitely isn’t at the point where she accepts it. In your case, I would first assess how much you are dependent on your parents for your livelihood. If it is to the extent that if they kicked you out on the street then I would maybe hold off unless you have secured a place to go. If you absolutely ready to tell them, then I would suggest you make sure to express that it wasn’t a result of their parenting (they will think it’s their fault), that you love them very much and you are not doing this to hurt them, that you are not shortchanging yourself or taking away from your opportunities because you are gay. If you want to give them some info to help them deal then that would be great, you can probably contact your local PFLAG chapter to get some advice on coming out and also for your family, and also just remind them that they love you because you’re they’re child and you are a whole person, they don’t love you because they think that you’re “straight”. No one says, Oh I love ____ he’s so straight. If you are in a relationship I personally suggest that you not reveal this to them in the same conversation. I would say to give them everything in little doses in order to give them some time to adjust…..lastly, I would say that you have to stay true to yourself, express that this is who you are not what you chose. You will feel so much better for telling them and it will be like taking the world off of your shoulders and giving it back to atlas. Good luck and I hope things turn out great.
2006-10-04 16:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by uvachic1215 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest to your Mom no matter what. And who says you cannot conceive a child if you so desire? But Moms must be told. Avctually they usually know but want to hear it from the source. I have an 'unmarried' friend in his fifties who still thinks his Mother does not know even after she made it a point to let him know that she watched 'Brokeback Mountain.'
Best advice I can give is to treat her to lunch or dinner at a swank resteraunt and tell her that you are Gay in both senses of the word; sexuality & happiness.
Peace...
2006-10-05 00:08:52 · answer #5 · answered by JVHawai'i 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mom is pretty understanding, I am sure she will be fine with it. National Coming Out Day is Sunday October 8th, but I wouldnt worry about trying to come out by that day. Do it when you feel comfy about it. I actually have an older bro who is gay too and I didnt want to disappoint my mom either for the same reasons you are talking about. I am out now, she is great about it. Coming out is a real relief and nothing to worry about.
2006-10-04 16:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I didn't come out to my parents until after my divorce...yes, I was married and have three beautiful kids...I do not ever have any regrets because of my kids, however I was living the life others wanted and not necessarily the life I wanted. Just remember its YOUR life not anyone else's and you only get one chance at it. Be strong and I assure you you will never regret doing the things YOU want to do and live the life that makes you happy. Feel free to mail me through my blog. Best of luck.
2006-10-04 19:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 47 and not out to my mom. My dad knew but didnt want to be told. I have lived a life that was not me for more than I can remember and regret many many lost loves. Do yourself a favor, your parents would rather you were happy than playing a game to keep them happy. Growing up is about taking responsibility for your actions. Tell them lovingly and gently.
Dont live a life you will regret.
2006-10-04 16:27:37 · answer #8 · answered by Daniel M 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Im 20 years old and bisexual. I went throught the same stuff when i was 16. I just came right out and told them. I figured it was better for me to tell them then someone else. And it went by okay. It wasnt mentioned much after that and I respect them and dont do anything or say anything in front of them. If I where u I would sit them down and just talk to them and tell them. You will feel better and they will look at you more maturily for it.
2006-10-04 16:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. I started being very anti-social at the age of 21 and it got worse as time went by. My grandmother used to talk about me having children, I really felt bad because I knew I was gay. I was really nervous about telling her but once I came out to her she told me that she had already suspected that I was gay when I was little. She was like I watched you grow-up and I knew that you were gay. I just wondered what took you so long coming out. Well...alot of my family suspected too but kept silent. They didn't realize how hard it was for me in the closet until I came out. It's really about your life and your happiness not theres. You have to come out for yourself in order to make yourself 100% authentic and happy.
2006-10-04 17:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋