.::*ahem*::.?

Question

do you think its wrong for someone who is gay not to want to be gay, or be proud to be gay? its seems like it, because when some people write a question about be confused with their sexuality SOME people try to pull them out of the closet to quickly

Answer 1

no one should "come out" until they are ready. and generally, anyone I've known who felt that way has been taught all their lives that who they are is wrong, and made to feel ashamed. some counseling may help. do you have any gay/lesbian friends? I didn't for a long time after I realized I was. but when I finally met people and knew I wasn't alone, I started to accept myself. and now I am happy and out and accepted and have a loving partner.

Answer 2

Well if they are gay, I think it is wrong for them not to want to be gay. There is nothing they can do about it. They are who they are. They should accept it and be happy. Now as far as pulling them out of the closet...I never would do that and always tell people that they will know when they are ready. Its all a matter of feeling comfortable about your sexuality.

Answer 3

I believe that people feel whatever they feel and there isn't a right or wrong about it. They are feelings. They happen. I also believe that it's not unusual to not want to be gay. Most of society isn't and certainly it's not the way most of us are taught to imagine life when we grow up. But denying who you are and pretending to be someone your are not and to have feelings for others that you don't isn't all that healthy.

There's a difference between encouraging someone to accept themselves for who they are and dragging them out of the closet. Sexual orientation is only one aspect of a person but it is a pretty major one. Being different in this way can be a very deeply held self-worth issue if all you've heard is that it's wrong. It's not, it's just who you are if you are. By the time someone starts asking questions of others and wants to talk about it, they're pretty much asking for support and acceptance that, yes, IF you are, it's okay. This isn't about getting anyone to accept their homosexuality, it's about encouraging and supporting someone to accept themself and be proud of who they are whether their orientation is gay, bi, or straight. That's quite a bit different than "pulling" someone out of the closet. Does that make sense?

Answer 4

There is a difference between not wanting to be gay and not wanting to be proud and gay.

If you are gay and you do not wish to be, you should probably seek qualified counseling to help you figure out why you feel that way, so you are able to come to terms with, accept and love who you are.

If you are not *proud* to be gay... Well, you don't have to be, do you? We keep saying that sexual orientaion is not a choice, it is how we are born. I'm not "proud" of my brown eyes, the freckle on my stomach, the fact that I am nearsighted. I was born this way. I am proud of my accomplishments -- few though they are! *Those* I can stand up and take credit for.

The flip side of that is that one needn't be ashamed either. Is there a middle ground? I am what I am what I am. Not proud, not ashamed, just plain old bi Chicky.

When you wish to come out is *your* decision and yours alone. Do not allow yourself to be pressured.

You're not alone. Okay?

Answer 5

You were born gay. You will die gay. Accept that information. You don't have a choice.

The expression of your sexuality is your decision, but the actual STATE of your sexuality is not negotiable.

You decide whether or not you want others to know you're gay. That is within your control. But if you want a fulfilling, happy sex life, you'll at least have to inform the man you want to seduce of your sexual preference.

Go at your own pace. Be happy. Be gay. You have no other option.

Answer 6

I think people have to make their decisions about what to do about their sexuality based on their own moral and social beliefs. If a gay person does not want to live a gay lifestyle, they should be free to make that decision for themself. I am sure it would be very difficult though to go through life denying a major component of your personality.

Answer 7

When there comes a day that we can all be who we are without fear of retribution, without having to make some sort of statement to show we are equal to everyone else, straight, gay, white, black, American, or Mideasterner, what a great place the world will be.

Answer 8

how ever they handle the cituation is really up to them the only thing we can do is give them advice, they'll have to take it from there as far as doing what they want with it. They are all old enough to understand their feelings and make up their OWN minds so don't blame us! Besides, being gay is sexy!!!!!

Answer 9

As someone who's been "exgay" for 18 years, I know that the primary motivation for most people that want to be "normal" is internalized homophobia. It's ok to live your life however you wish, but be sure of your motivations....

Answer 10

I agree, but some people just need a flashlight to find their way out of the dark... you're right, though, it's up to them when- or if- they want to come out.