Why doesn't the AOL 'man' have facial features, hands, or feet?

Question

Why doesn't the AOL man have a face, hands, or feet? It's kinda weird that he looks like that. Who created him, anyway?

lthil:LMAOROFL!

Answer 1

Long ago there was a man, he was a pleasant man, fair of face, and adored by the masses; this illustrious man's name was Fredrick. Despite the adoration of his peers, Fredrick lived a simple and non-intrusive life, keeping to his close friends and family. But it was obvious that a few people were jealous of his perfection, these were cruel, malicious people who wished to smite Fredrick for leading a better life than they. Despite their unyielding malice, Fredrick continued to show them kindness-this was his mistake. For one evening when he was sleeping, the most vicious and merciless Fredrick-loather made his way to the abode of Fred. This sick and twisted individual's name was America Online (or AOL for those who did not dare utter it's foul name), and it envied everything that Fredrick had, everything he was, and everything he had the potential to be. But this would be true no longer, for the wicked America Online had a devious plot to make Fredrick suffer for his grandeur, but AOL would not be so kind as to deliver him to death, no- this villan had a fate far worse planned.
It was dark and calm that night and Fredrick slept peacefully as he usually did, with wondrous dreams filled with love and laughter, he had no idea that only three feet from his bed stood his ominous destiny. AOL drew the rope that it had bought along for this task and quickly and stealthily bound Fredrick's hands and feet and taped his mouth shut. Outside, a large and menacing ship-like vehicle stood, it's large fins towering over the earth ready to glide upon the winds that would deliver it hence. AOL climbed into the front of the device and threw Fredrick, who was still sleeping, into the back, after this was done he fiddled with the controls and the vessel ascended into the sky moving so quickly that not even the keenest eye would have seen it. Soon it approached its destination, a great black castle with smoke and ash emanating from the towers, the monument was so horrid that it would have turned pale the face of even the most courageous soul. AOL lifted Fredrick who was now awake and panicked and carried him into the unforgiving palace, revealing the interior to be just as fearsome as the outside, so terrifying it was that no other place, save for the underworld itself was as tormentful- and this fortress, this palace of malevolence was the dwelling of America Online. AOL had its servants bring Fredrick to the tower of You've Got Mail!, the most dreaded portion of all of the castle, the hours passed by agonizingly slow as Fredrick waited there bound to a small wooden, rotting chair waiting for his bane to walk through the door, and when it did, he knew his end was near. "Why have I been brought here?" Fredrick inquired, his voice shaking
"Silence!" AOL screeched, aggravated that Fredrick had the nerve to speak, "You shall remain silent until I am through, but to your fortune, I shall answer the question. You have been brought here, 'Fredrick', because I tire of this charade you call your life, I am sickened each day when I see you smiling and laughing with comrades, everyone charmed by your very presence." AOL took a step closer walking around the chair where Fredrick sat, trying to intimidate him even more, "But no longer. No longer shall I watch the others adore the ground you walk upon, no longer shall I watch the pathetic fools speak of the current events of your life as if they were important matters. On this day, I shall have supreme vengeance!"
"You do not have to kill me," Fredrick began, "I lead an innocuous life, I harm no one, I do not wish to leave my friends and family- or this world." At this, AOL began to chuckle grimly,
"Kill? Where did you get the notion that I have brought you here to die?"
"What other reason could there be from what you have told me?"
An evil grin came to AOL's face
"Death is not the only outcome. No, I have a fate so gruesome planned for you, that you shall beg me for death."
Fredrick's face then twisted into an expression of fear, not knowing what could possibly be worse than death, but finally he mustered the courage to speak:
"But to what resolve? What may you possibly gain from harming me? What joy would you find in delivering to me pain and suffering?" Fredrick said, his voice now grew and sounded with more strength, "All you would accomplish is further cruelty, the hatred within you would only grow stronger. Fate has planned for you better things than to torture the souls of others, let me go today, take the first step toward becoming the caring soul you can be by releasing the resentment. Abandon the darkness, and step into the light." These words hit a chord within AOL, for the first time it felt an emotion it had never before experienced: compassion. But as quickly as this revelation had come, it vanished, and from that room came the sounds of limbs being hacked, acid burning away flesh, and the screams of Fredrick resounding throughout the palace like a symphony of anguish.
And so it was ordained by America Online from that day forth that Fredrick would become its prime minion, his face which had been melted away, his hands and feet that had been torn from his body, the sick yellow-orange color he had become- always to be a testament to AOL's victory.

Answer 2

He's _stylized_, of course. Why doesn't he have hair, why can you see through his head, why is he so thin, etc. It's a cartoonish figure.