(I'm approx 30 years old, and have a great life, family, career) but this has been going since highschool for all of us siblings.... she seems to love it when something goes wrong with any of us... shouldn't it be the opposite? Why does she do this?
Please, real answers... we do love our mom.
2006-10-04 14:24:13 · 10 answers · asked by POOKIE 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
We have tried the heart to heart talk, several times
2006-10-04 14:42:39 · update #1
She also likes to ruin holidays and special occasions (in a tactful way- not like a drunken rage or anything, but more like saying things that should not be said when everyone is having a good time)
2006-10-04 14:47:57 · update #2
Her insecurities are running her life. Some people thrive on crisis. They can't handle it when all is well. Her past as a child being belittled by a sibling or a parent could have done this. Prayer for her works wonders. Do what you can to include her and make her feel secure as a person, not just as your Mom.
2006-10-04 14:36:07 · answer #1 · answered by Garnet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have aheart to heart, maybe she feels she is not needed anymore to help you succeed and she unfortunatley is responding in a WRONG way, but say Mom I hope you are proud of us, but sometimes by the way you respond it seems very inapropriate, maybe let her know how you feel, and also let her know that it has become so common that the family talks about it. That when things go bad that is when you need her the most but if she continues to respond the way that she does you will not let her know when things go wrong because you know how she will react. Good Luck =)
2006-10-04 14:39:17 · answer #2 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that your mother is a very intelligent and talented person who feels that she wasn't provided the right opportunities for her to accomplish things that she wanted to.
So she's very insecure about her value as a mother in the family, because everyone seems to do just fine, in fact better than herself when she was young. So she needs to feel needed and her opinions matter. When things go wrong, she'll be the first one who says, "See? I told you so." My mother in law is like that
and I just pay my respects and push on with my own life, regardless of her attitude. Now this is your own mother, so I guess you will have to encourage her to do the things she passed over to take care of you guys. This will take her focus off your setbacks and let her have her own life.
2006-10-04 14:35:03 · answer #3 · answered by Siddy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have question. how was your grandmother to your mom? did she do the same thing? if so then this just might be a thing she learned from family. if not then maybe she just wants attention(I'm talking about the holiday issues). by making comments that get people ruffled she is getting attention even though it is not positive. another reason she might like to see people fail as you put it is because it makes her feel needed(I'm talking about in general now). while all you and your siblings were growing up it was her job to cheer you up when you did not succeed. now that you have grown up you have other people who can comfort you, and this may make your mother feel ignored and replaced.
if all else fails maybe she is just this way because she just likes to be better then everyone else, but i have a feeling that this is not the case. hope i helped.
2006-10-04 16:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are those people who love to be perverse, to be miserable and possibly even depressed, it reinforces something in them.
Take them to thee most expensive tropical ideal resort, and the sea is the wrong shade of green or blue, the palm trees should grow elsewhere, and the sand is the wrong shade of yellow - and so on.
They are only happy when either they are unhappy, or when someone else is made to be unhappy as they are. It seems to establish (in their eyes) some form of natural balance in the scheme of things.
In your terms, 'it should be the opposite,' that she 'should be unhappy when you are,' but, it demonstrates her power / authority when she is able to tell you, "There, I told you so."
As a result, she is proven 'Right,' and she's happy about it, while you are 'Wrong' and unhappy about it.
In part, it's a game, and she is the 'Professional' at it.
Just give up ~ DO NOT PLAY HER GAME.
Best of luck.
Sash
2006-10-04 14:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by sashtou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she felt like she gave up so much of her life to have you guys and when you fail at something it makes her feel less in adequate, that she didn't reach her dreams or goals...
Not that she doesn't love you guys or feel proud when you succeed but maybe the failures, make you guys more HUMAN to her...
Not a shrink, just thinkin'
2006-10-04 14:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by i_love_my_mp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though she always wants to be the main focus .
She has to be the center of attention anyway she can . As for wanting to see you fail , I can't fathom that one . Maybe she just doesn't know how to express her feelings ; so she lashes out .
2006-10-04 17:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
probably she(your mum) wants to feel in control. Now that you're successful and stuff, she feels that she's lost control of you. But when you fail in something, she wants you to go back to her and ask for advice. That way, she gets to control you.
2006-10-04 14:33:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she still has a need to "feel" superior.
2006-10-04 14:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by bluebird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you asked her about it? maybe she does not mean to be jealous... no mother like to see her kids fail
2006-10-04 14:33:15 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ amal_dxb ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋