I am dealing with their father WALKING out on us 3 weeks ago. I am a fulltime student and a fulltime mommy. I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. I have no job. He just left us...I am finding it VERY difficult to deal with both children and taking care of their every need plus mine as well..Then the emotional turmoil of the breakup..Then there is the fear of money we are ok for now but won't be forever. I am having lots of feelings about possibly giving them away for a while..Anyone who's been there help me please..
2006-10-04 13:38:19 · 24 answers · asked by *bossy* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has been giving me some money but not near enough..
2006-10-04 13:42:13 · update #1
Do not give them away - I understand where your coming from, but you will regret it with every ounce of your being. THEY have to be your #1 priority - now I know that is NOT easy under the circumstances, but it's possible. Worry about them first, tell yourself that you can mourn the relationship and losses later when they're in bed. And do just that - when they are quiet, sit and cry if you need to, scream, punch pillows... take a hot bath, and curl up in bed and be kind to yourself. If you can take time off from school - do it. Call the school and see what kind of arrangments you can make - even if only for a week. Keep yourself together though - because you MUST pursue this man for child support! If the pressure is really way too much - see your MD, he can prescribe an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication to help during this time. Remember, the children first - to hell with that man!
2006-10-04 13:44:35 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen G 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath and think out one thing at a time:
1. Talk to a counselor at your school about your situation. You'd be surprised at the kind of resources that may be available to you, or what information they may have to help you.
2. Talk to your instructors and see if you can audit some of your classes or take them later. Try and get extensions on whatever projects and work you have coming up. Consider going to school part time while you navigate this situation.
3. See if your school offers childcare on site. Are there any family members who can watch your children once a week where you can have time to yourself or take time to take care of your business?
4. Talk to an attorney or legal aid and start proceedings to get child support. If you're married, ask for spousal support too.
5. Don't make any decisions concerning your children at this time, other than finding childcare and some time for yourself.
Your world has been rocked in a huge way. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay calm and stabilize your life as much as possible. It won't be easy, but just take one step at a time. The decisions you make now have to be practical ones that will help you live day to day. Make decisions that will allow you some breathing and thinking room. Don't make any decisions under duress or in a panic, especially when it comes to your children.
One step, one decision at a time. Stay as calm as you can, things will work out.
2006-10-04 14:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would definately NOT give the kids away. They will never forget that the rest of their lives. It's not their fault. There are things you can do. Contact a lawyer. Most of them have free first consultations. That way you can get child support. I would speak to your school counciler or advisor. I'm sure there are support groups and help. Were you married? You may have to quit school for right now, get a job then pick up school later. Do you have any relatives who can help? What about the local shelter? Just for advice?
2006-10-04 13:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by lazycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all he walked out on you why should you give up your children for awhile when they can look at you and you can hold them when no one else will. You can tell them you love them when you can't tell no one else now. Your children didn't do this your husband did. He has to support you and your children because they are infants. You can get a lawyer and he has to pay for that, he would have to pay for house payments etc. you can make his life a living hell.... don't give up your kids please I lost my son in an tragic accident 8 years ago he was 18 and I miss the I love you all the time to this day.
2006-10-04 14:25:48 · answer #4 · answered by onecalmbutterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start the ball rolling. Call a lawyer & talk with them about how to file a divorce & file for child support. Then, ask about temporary child care at you school. See if they have a child day care for their students. Do NOT quit school, your kids will benefit from seeing their mommy going through tough times & coming out on top with her pride intact & her new life in front of her. You will be doing this for your kids.
Look for support groups if you have no friends ot family in the area to lean on during your troubles. Try to keep your chin up & show your kids that you are still them for them & you love them. Good Luck to you & your kids....
If you find yourself in need, take advantage of the services that Adult & Family Services provide or at least contact them & see if they can advise on legal help, or ????
2006-10-04 14:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I know you probably don't want to, but can you apply for government assistance for now? Do you have family around that can help, like your parents? Also, are there any work-study jobs thru your college you can apply for? Another possibility might be to take in some children for childcare in your home so you can be there with your own kids...as for emotional help...is there a church you can go to? You could talk to the pastor...wish there was more I could say or do but I will be praying for you!
2006-10-04 13:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by peachy78 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun there is help,don't give your kids up plz,they need you more now then ever, how would you feel if you father walked out on you and then out of nowhere your giving away to a family you know nothing about. nobody can care for you children the way you can.I know you have to be going through a hard time right now because I have been wanting to leave myself but I just don't know if the grass will really be greener on the other side.get some help though,they have wellfare and foodstamps and he has to pay you child support or go to jail.so plz get some help but don't give up your children,they are all you are going to have.good luck,hang in there and pray!!!!
2006-10-04 13:45:43 · answer #7 · answered by ///\oo/\\\ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i don't know if there's any advice to give in this kind of situation. i'm not in the exact same situation, but somewhat similar, and the emotional turmoil is the killer. surround yourself with all the friends and family that you possibly can right now. check into assistance programs that can help you through this (financially) while you should start child support payment proceedings now, understand that it's not an over-night process. start looking for a part-time job. my children aren't as young as yours, but i found them to be my "rock" when dealing with this. GL2U
2006-10-04 13:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by baybeegrl5 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt, e-mail me at islandangel64@yahoo.com if you like :)
This happened to me back in 1991, I had a 3 yo daughter and my son was still in my tummy, I was a SAHM without any income, I did it and you can too :)
I have been happily divorced for 15 years and have raised two wonderful, happy, well-adjusted, beautiful children all on my own!
You may not believe it right now, but time heals, and this may very well be the best gift you ever received from your husband :)
2006-10-04 13:49:57 · answer #9 · answered by IslandAngel64 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi
DONT GIVE YOUR KIDS AWAY PLEASE!!!! i have 3 myself honey i was walked out on when my daughters were 2years and 6mths, i found it hard at 1st, you say you are a student? dont thy do creces for the little uns there? find out about it!!! straight away the 2 year old maybe able to start some sort of nursey soon, dont give up on your children they are the most important things in life.If the student side of it is to much for you cant you cut it down a bit? you should be able to get benefits from the social security or inland revenue for the kids and yourself,please dont give up your kids!!! :-)
2006-10-04 13:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by kelly h 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋