i am with a guy who is always badgering me for anal sex even though I have told him it conflicts with my religious morals. I have even gave in once just to shut him up but it hurt so much i stopped....now he is saying he will get me drunk and get me to do it.....I keep saying no no no what else can I do?
2006-10-04 13:14:07 · 29 answers · asked by healinghands1979 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dump him, and find a guy who will have respect for you! You don't need a loser like that.
2006-10-04 13:16:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, what he is doing isn't rape yet, since he hasn't gotten you drunk to do it and when you did it the first time it was you who gave in.
However, what he is doing is called sexual harassment. He is not only badgering you but insisting that you will have anal sex with him despite your morals. You need to get a restraining order from this man; call the police and save yourself from a future rape.
2006-10-04 13:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No means No, doesnt matter how drunk if you say no then it means no. But on the other hand if u have a little relaxing buzz and you might give it a try, then u cant rape the willing. but if you are interested I have a few tips that might help you.
Anal sex:
What is it about anal sex that makes us squirm? People pretend they don't do it when they do and many of us clam up because we don't. Anal sex is the last sexual act we find embarrassing to talk about. It's no good being shy about anal sex because most men want to try it, most women are asked to do it, or want to do it and both sexes love it regardless of sexual orientation.
So, why the embarrassment whenever the subject is broached? Is it because of what comes out of our bottoms on a daily basis or because many women's experience of anal sex is an impromptu and painful probe by an overexcited boyfriend?
With the right lover, at the right time, and with lots of time to play around, anal sex is a turn on for many couples. It can be orgasmically and emotionally very intense and, like oral sex, has a special intimacy. More than any other sexual act, it requires a certain amount of trust on both sides. If your partner does ask for the unmentionable, stand firm if it doesn't appeal. That old chestnut, 'You'd do it if you loved me', isn't good enough as a persuasion technique for back-door lovin'. Anal sex can be very painful and traumatic if a partner is reluctant.
Just because you don't want to do it, doesn't mean you are 'frigid' or a sexual fuddy-duddy. Anal sex is not for everyone. If your partner would like to do it but the thought has you clenching your buttocks like a wrench, don't feel inadequate. Introduce something else into your sex life that hasn't been tried before, like a new position.
Practising safe sex:
The skin that lines the rectum is very delicate and more prone to irritation or scratching than the vaginal wall. For finger penetration a partner should wear a latex glove with plenty of lubricant.
Extra strong condoms are essential for the prevention of STDs, HIV and hepatitis during anal intercourse. It is much easier to transmit disease, especially HIV, during anal intercourse because the tissue is easily torn and can give semen direct access to the bloodstream. If you are using a sex toy for penetration, slip a condom and lubricant onto it.
Do not use ribbed or textured condoms. They can irritate and tear rectal tissue. Store condoms in a cool dry place away from light and always check the expiry date.
Lubrication is essential. Use thick, water-based lube such as KY Jelly, Senselle or Replens. Do not use perfumed oils, or oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline as these can cause severe irritation and weaken condoms. Also, avoid anything that contains nonoxynol-9, as it can cause allergies and increase your risk of catching STDs.
Getting ready
Some people who are heavily into anal sex like to have an enema two hours beforehand. It's up to you. But a squeaky clean bottom is a definite prerequisite for playing around in that area. So are short, trimmed and filed nails.
An enema is a douche of the anal canal and rectum. Bulb syringe enemas are the most commonly used and can be bought from most chemists. It is not a good idea to have enemas too frequently as they can stress the rectum and cause colitis. Cover wherever you're doing it with a large towel. It can get messy.
Take a deep breath and begin
Never coax or pressure a partner into having anal sex. Respect his or her wishes.
Go slowly and be gentle. Start out with some stress-free sex play. The more aroused you both are, the more enjoyable the experience will be. Stimulation of the clitoris is a must for anal sex, otherwise entry can feel a bit 'cold.'
The penetrator must reassure his partner that she is in charge. The giver may feel that he or she will hurt the receiving partner and needs to be reassured as the action proceeds that it feels good - so communicate.
Relax. Deep breathing helps. Don't tense the buttocks. This will make entry painful.
Don't be shy; tell your partner what you want.
Once you're relaxed, put some lube in your anus and find a position that's comfortable. All the positions for vaginal sex are suitable for anal penetration. You can be on your back with your legs in the air or on the insertive partner's shoulders, on all fours (this requires less bending of the rectum), or you can sit on top of your partner, which gives you more control.
Take it easy and avoid sudden jerky movements, until you get used to it.
When withdrawing make sure your partner holds onto the base of the condom to prevent it slipping off.
If you feel a desperate urge to go to the loo - start running. It's normal.
Anal myths
Regular anal sex does not mean you will eventually lose control of your anal muscles and your dignity. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals and include the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). These support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. They contract for men and women during sex. Both sets of muscles work with the sphincter muscles around your anus and can be exercised.
The muscles you contract to try to stop peeing are your PC muscles and can be contracted on a deep breath and relaxed on exhale. Do about 100 repetitions a day. Or, take a deep breath and this time tighten and release your muscles about ten times and then exhale. Twenty sets a daily.
A final word:
The golden rule is desire: only have anal sex if you really want to do it.
2006-10-04 13:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by us2_4playtime 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is rape, and don't wait around for him to do something stupid. If he doesn't get you drunk, he could put something in your food or drink. YOU HAVE TO DO MORE THAN SAY NO.
There is more you can do: Dump this guy and get involved with someone who respects you. If he repeatedly badgers you for anal sex knowing how you feel about it, you need to end it with him. Never stay involved with someone who doesn't honor and respect you.
2006-10-04 13:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him now before it's to late, he sound insensitive to your feelings and he's only thinking of himself.......You shouldn't feel pressure in a relationship.
It sounds like if you don't give him anal sex {by the way it can over time stretch your muscles and you could lose bowel control} he may look some place else if he hasn't all ready...
2006-10-04 13:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
whoa! sounds like he has no respect for you at all. to answer your question, yes it is most definitley called rape and a few other things in some states. a lot of states have sodomy laws so not only would he or could he be charged with rape but with sodomy, which in the eyes of the law is a crime against nature. I don't know how into this guy you are but to me this is a deal breaker. stand your ground and dump this backdoor loser!
2006-10-04 13:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by debarina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. If this guy is so selfish and greedy about giving anal sex, then tell him to go to the local gay bar. There will be plenty of guys there who would gladly take it in the rear. As for you, try to find someone that respects your feelings and morals. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of.
2006-10-04 13:18:17 · answer #7 · answered by sexy lady 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is rape and you should not drink around him. If he is not satisfied with what you give him he doesnt care about you. Leave him and move on. He will keep insisting because he knows you will probably give in, and if you do just relax because the more tense you are the more it hurts.
2006-10-04 14:02:06 · answer #8 · answered by sunflowerchick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to find a new man! NO is NO...and not wanting anal is more common then 'men/boys' think...it does hurt and should NOT be done while intoxicated....think seriously about your relationship..doesnt sound like a match made in heaven!
2006-10-04 13:19:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To force oneself upon another is one of the worst acts a person may commit against another person. For your own sake, stay away from that guy who wants to hurt you to satisfy himself only. Avoid people who threaten you with acts that you do not want to be involved in. Avoid people who think of themselves only. Avoid very selfish people. Quick!
2006-10-04 13:35:19 · answer #10 · answered by Bong-Jeweller of San Francisco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why the hell are you with this guy? Yes it is rape, if you say no at any time during it he has to stop. Leave him now!!!
2006-10-04 13:24:58 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋