When my husband came to me his parents in CHICAGO had no Idea he was comming to stay. After he called them and told them he wasn't going back, I noticed the way his parents treated me and talked to me. Now his mom has passed away and still his dad calls me and tells me bad things. I feel like I'll never get along with those people even though I want to. My husband refuses to defend me when it comes to them being mean to me..and I've spoken to him about it several times. He's not a horrible husband he just has his flaws like everyone else. What should I do about this specific issue!?
2006-10-04 11:43:38 · 17 answers · asked by ~* Pink Princess *~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
like my fellow yahooligan said, ignore it,,you cant waste your time trying to make everyone happy,,if youre going to make someone happy let it be yourself..otherwise youll waste alot of time trying to please everyone and finding out that you cant..nobody is ever satisfied..so let it roll..you guys are togethere and you love each other and thats all that should matter..and the next time his father speaks to you in a bad form..stand up for yourself since you kknow your man is not going to do it for you..he's in a very awkward position so you must also understand him
2006-10-04 11:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by sinful vampyra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want a conflict with his family, because they were there before you. He may feel that if he does that they might take as though he chooses you over all of them and that will create a greater dislike towards you and a dislike towards him. The way he left was in a disrespectful way. I had an uncle in a similar situation. We don't hate his wife, but he just doesn't talk to us. We just don't like the way he makes it seem as though he doesn't need his family and his whole world is his wife. Let him know that you have been seeking online help. He should understand, because you are in a situation that you've never been in before and don't know what else to do. If you feel you can't say it right, then let him read the responses you get from your question.
2006-10-04 18:52:39 · answer #2 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling, darling. I do not know if you and your spouse did pre-martial counseling, or if you were introduced and interacted with the family before marriage, but, pre-martial counseling is the best! You get a lot out in the open. If you are a member of a church, see if you could schedule a meeting with the pastor or associate pastor for marital counseling; and ask your husband if he'd be willing to go with you. Let your husband know that you want the marriage to work; and that you don't want his family's behavior towards you to interfere with your marriage; and that you need to speak with some sort of a mediator, to figure out ways to handle this difficult situation... because obviously it's something that's hurting you; and your husband should respect that... if he loves you.
2006-10-04 23:06:40 · answer #3 · answered by A Lady @ ALL Times 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you talk to and listen to some one that has no respect for you.? Tell your husband you will have nothing to do with his dad. When he calls say just a moment Here is your son, or he is not at home he will be back at 6 call back then. Then hang up. If you dont' hold out the plate, they can't fill it with bs
2006-10-04 18:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really has nothing to do with Race like the person above me is saying! If you want him to defend you, then you need to sit down and ask him why he is NOT defending you, there may be a reason that you are not aware of.. Communication is key in your relationship..
Life is too short for drama & petty things,
so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love truly and forgive quickly
2006-10-04 18:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa MacDonald 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for a child to overcome the hold that a parent has over him. Even after he's completely grown. Try to be a little more sensitive to that. I agree with you he should be your biggest defender, but against a parent, you may be asking too much of him. Ask yourself this, is all of the drama with his side of the family really worth it?
2006-10-04 18:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately he's not going to stand up for u to his father.. so u have a choice.. you can either let things stand the way they are , or u stand up for yourself with his father..
Next time his father is on the phone and he says anything nasty to u , tell him.. Im sorry u feel this way, but i am your son's wife, and id appreciate alittle respect for being so.. let him know that his son is a grown man that made "grown" decisions, u didnt put a gun to his head and tell him to come to where u are, u didnt put a gun to his head and force him to stay and u didnt put a gun to his head and make him marry u.. and if "HE'S" not grown up enough to see that, then u'd appreciate him keeping his oppinions to himself.. and explain that out of RESPECT for your husband, that if he's willing to be civil with u , that u'll talk to him again but if not.. then u have nothing more to say to him..
More then likely he'll still be bull headed and not give in, but atleast u were straight with him, put it out there that he is the one being immature and u left the door open if he wants to try again.. and if u get cornered on the phone with him after that, u simply say, when u can call "MY" house and talk to me like a civil human being i'll talk to u till then Goodbye and hang up on him..
Your husband is suppose to stand up for u, but for some "children" its very hard to stand up to parents that u've been told all ur life not to stand up to them or disrespect.. so realize although he should be doing it.. its a very hard habit to break when it comes to your parents..
So stand up for yourself, be firm but nice.. as my mom would call it.. Killing them with Kindness.. is the best way to handle people like that..
2006-10-04 19:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably because you are not of the same race according to your picture, sweetie. If you continue to be a victim then that is the way you will be treated. Set your own personal boundaries and don't take the abuse.....it is your call.
2006-10-04 18:48:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the dad next time he calls that his son is a big boy and makes his OWN decisions not you. And if he wants to be mad at someone and tell them off to talk to HIS son not you!
2006-10-04 19:03:00 · answer #9 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I feel awful for you. I would suggest counseling. I mean, you can't give up on what would otherwise be a good marriage, and you can't live like this. A professional could walk you through it pretty quickly.
2006-10-04 18:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by steelypen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋