I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter. I have been suffering from pnd for 1 1/2 yrs. After my daughter was born our relationship changed and I dont know if I still love my partner. He is a fantastic Daddy. He works extremely hard and I know he loves me deeply. Our sex life is almost non existant and I just dont know what do to. I dont want to be a single mum or separate my daughter from her Daddy. I cant see myself without him but at the same time feel sad as I cant help thinking is this it. Is it possible to love someone but not be in love with them. Do I carry on like this for the sake of my family. Is passion and lust and sexual connection that important in a relationship.
I have been thinking this for almost two years now and I still dont know the answer. Can anyone give me some advice. Will things get better?
2006-10-04 11:11:28 · 11 answers · asked by Teresa M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have been attending counselling for my pnd. I dont know if it is the pnd that is causing the trouble in our relationship or the relationship that is making me depressed. It is me that has no interest in the sexual side and miss the closeness that we had. I really want it to work and would love the attraction to come back. If it doesnt do I carry on regardless in a loveless relationship for the sake of my partner and my daughter.
2006-10-04 11:43:09 · update #1
First of all, it is always a mistake to stick around for the sake of the children. Kids know when their parents are unhappy and it makes them unhappy. Secondly, it's good to hear you are getting counselling for your PND and I hope things are starting to improve for you in that respect. Is your husband attending with you? I have a failed marriage behind me myself and I learnt from that that intimacy is an important part of a relationship but not necessarily sex, especially if it's only a temporary abstinence. Forgive me, but it sounds as though you're staying with your husband because you're afraid of the aftermath of leaving him - afraid of the unknown. Sometimes we have to hurt people who love us to do whats best in the long run. Your husband may love you very much but if that love is not reciprocated then it will be ten times more painful for your husband to live with that. Is it your husband you love or the idea of what you and your husband used to be? You sound very unhappy and I hope this has helped a little. Good luck :)
2006-10-04 15:23:32 · answer #1 · answered by Helen B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiya, it sounds like you have been thinking of this for a while, have you been for any counselling? Relate, are good and you can go alone if you want to. Are you being treated for your PND by your doctor because drugs can have an effect on your sex drive and make you feel strange. Ultimately you are the only one who know the answer to this question,
but if you really thought the marriage was a waste of time wouldnt you have already left him?
Does your partner know how you feel?
Talking things out is the best way to overcome problems, if you do so things may not seem as bad as you think they are. Also you do have your child to think about, I dont think its fair to take a child from their father unless its nescessary.
Also it is possible to love someone and not be in love with them, I think the passion has gone out of your marriage and that also need to be revived.
I hope this was of some help to you, just talk to the people around you and you will find the help you need.
Good Luck
2006-10-04 11:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard question to answer, you have pnd whilst coping with a child and life in general, that's hard! I understand as I was there myself after my first child, feeling very alone even though i had a big family around me, i felt like my other half was not interested in me and our sex life went downhill fast, but luckily i got help and was able to share my feelings with my other half so he could understand the way i felt. It did take a while to get back on me feet but two children later and 16 years of marriage i can say that i would not be anywhere else than where i am and what I'm doing today. Men unfortunately cannot understand nor sympathise with these feeling, I'm not putting men down but they do think that the answer is a great night in bed, but it goes a lot deeper for women than just sex as an answer. You do need to sit down and have a good talk with your man, or you could seriously lose everything you have got and you know what they say 'you don't know what you've got until you lose it'. Be sure in yourself and make the right steps if it still does not work then it was never to be but as you have a child with this man you have to try not just for your sake but your child's. Good luck in all you do and never feel like it is just you and that you are all alone there are plenty of us out here who understand how you feel!
2006-10-04 11:33:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is this you talking or your depression?
PND and the treatment for it will make you go off sex and feel like this.
See your doc for a review, get some counselling either alone or as a couple, do everything you can to make it work and if you still feel this way, then its time to think about leaving. BUT NOT YET!!
2006-10-04 11:19:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't say if it is you or your hubby that is no longer passionate. Your hubby sounds a good man and if he loves you like you say then he will stand by you whilst you are going through this turmoil time.
Go and speak to somebody on a professional level.
I hope you get the help and advice that you rightfully require
2006-10-04 11:31:11 · answer #5 · answered by debbie w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They will only get better if you start working on it. He probably picks up on your feelings. Try to start brining the things you are lacking back into your relationship. It's not going to get better with you second guessing yourself and feeling bad. Do something positive and keep working on the positive things. Talk about him in the positive, and say things to him that are positive.
good luck
2006-10-04 11:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by llbm3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a Heart to Heart with your partner, because if he thinks everything is OK then he wont have a clue how your feeling, and if he truly loves you I'm sure he'll try to save your relationship !.
2006-10-04 11:18:35 · answer #7 · answered by Richard 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need counselling, you can go as a couple or on your own.
It could be that you are both tired, having a young child is tiring.
Don't just leave, seek advice from professionals.
2006-10-04 11:15:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
PND is your problem, not his. you have an illness and prince charming couldn't make you happy. get over yourself and the "poor me" mindset and get on with life. i'll bet you've also suffered pms along with a vast array of other undiagnosed ailments. your problem is you...if you were to leave, i bet he'd be relieved.
2006-10-04 11:17:55 · answer #9 · answered by eddy 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
try talking to him about it. If things still dont work out think otherwise
2006-10-04 11:15:45 · answer #10 · answered by Kiran urf msa sis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋