I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter. I have been suffering from pnd for 1 1/2 yrs. After my daughter was born our relationship changed and I dont know if I still love my partner. He is a fantastic Daddy. He works extremely hard and I know he loves me deeply. Our sex life is almost non existant and I just dont know what do to. I dont want to be a single mum or separate my daughter from her Daddy. I cant see myself without him but at the same time feel sad as I cant help thinking is this it. Is it possible to love someone but not be in love with them. Do I carry on like this for the sake of my family. Is passion and lust and sexual connection that important in a relationship.
I have been thinking this for almost two years now and I still dont know the answer. Can anyone give me some advice. Will things get better?
2006-10-04 11:10:55 · 17 answers · asked by Teresa M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can't give you the answer you are looking for but I will give you a little insight. My husband and I have been together for 13 years now. We were totally in love for the first two years then we had our son. We wanted a child so bad but I had the baby blues for almost two years and things got really bad between the two of us. It took me hitting rock bottom and him leaving for me to realize that I had it all. I looked deep inside myself and found that I truly loved this man and had to make some changes. We both had changes to make and work really hard on the relationship. It takes work. Sex is a very important part in a relationship and I didn't realize it until almost too late. It took five years for us to get back on track. Now I am totally in love with my husband and I am so glad I stuck it out through the rough times. If you love him you have to work on it. Good luck!
2006-10-04 11:18:08 · answer #1 · answered by copswife93 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! a mirror vision of my life 3 years ago! i felt exactly the same, but i ended the relationship, with the same circumstances as you, he loved me deeply, and our daughter was 18 months, i just couldn't handle it anymore, i felt like i was making him miserable... but i must say we are better of as friends now, i married someone else, and he has just had another baby... and my daughter see's him regularly... i found that it helped to talk to him about how u feel, find out how he feels maybe all you need is some time to find you again! having a baby is a life changing experience, and doesn't come lightly.. i found it helped to go back to work, it didn't help the relationship, but it helped me to find who i was again... take each day as it comes, and try to find time to spend together as a family, it could be that you fall in love with your partner all over again... and if it helps, being a single mother is no different to being in a relationship, especially if the father is still involved. only you can make up your mind, i can only give you my experience.
sometimes its better not to stay with someone because of the family, it can sometimes make things worse, and will end sooner or later.
good luck and i really hope that you find the solution which suits you. x x x
2006-10-04 18:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by storm.minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be thinking of leaving your baby's father. He sounds like a good man. You admit you are still suffering from post natal depression. THAT is why you are having these thoughts. Your sex life could spice up well if you just aren't depressed. You need to find another doctor and get help with this illness. That should be your priority. Once you are well, you can work on your relationship with your man, but I suspect you'll have more energy for sex and enjoy a better all-around relationship once you are mentally healthy and happy again. Good luck, hon.
2006-10-04 18:23:05 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being "in love" doesn't last forever. Usually the heart-racing ends after about 2 years. After that, you have to choose to love him. He sounds like he has many good points, and he is a good father to your daughter. Once you choose to love him again, and choose to work at the relationship, you can rediscover love and passion and learn to truly appreciate it. It sounds like you have a good thing going, so don't just let it pass you by. Perhaps couples therapy or counseling can help you two. Be open and honest and willing to work through the problems to strengthen and enhance your relationship to be even better than it was, it's possible with will and work. If you want to, you can!
2006-10-04 18:15:22 · answer #4 · answered by Snickle Beast 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its probably a well known fact that sticking with a relationship for the sake of the kids doesn't really work out but you sound as if you need a break from your partner. That will probably be the only way you will find out if you want to be with him or not. Just make sure that if you do decide you want a break, you don't cause too much damage or hurt feelings that'll make it hard for any kind of reconciliation !!!!
WISH YOU ALL THE BEST !!!!
2006-10-04 18:43:29 · answer #5 · answered by IloveMarmite 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im on the other side to you, my partner has had the same as you and has had similar problems with it, times have been very hard and emotional and there's been lots of occasions where i feel i'm unwanted and just feel like leaving, i love her very much and know that deep down she loves me too, she keeps saying i only stay for the kids, but this is not true, i can't even remember the last time we had sex. You need to talk with your partner and let him know how you are feeling. He may be able to help you out of this. I also feel that i tend to be a bit distant towards her because thats how in feel she is being to me. You may also feel that he pays no attention to you as he is spending the time with your child.
2006-10-04 18:21:13 · answer #6 · answered by gizmo-570 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay trust me the worst thing u can do is leave your partner when u have a kid! Get somebody to watch your daughter and plan a romantic nite! Maybe stay home and have a candle light dinner or rent some movies and just have time alone togther! Most of the time people feel that way when they don't get to spend enough time with each other!! Hang in there! Talk to him about how you feel!
2006-10-04 18:21:30 · answer #7 · answered by dixie_791 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I've never heard such a tragic love story. ok well since your daughter is so young, if you love her then you want her to be happy, right? my advice to you is wait a couple more years until shes older so that she'll mature and understand. If you cant picture yourself without your partner, then that probobly means true love. And trust me, the feeling that you get, its not that you dont love him anymore, its just that your're probobly just really tired and stressed out lately, with work, and your baby and all. just give it time; let it simmer and i promise things will go back to normal. And he sounds like a really hardworking, loyal man. And if hes a fantastic daddy, i really dont know what youre complaining about. Well hope this helped, but if it didnt, then you should reeally get help from a professional phyciatrist.
2006-10-04 18:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by theawesomegrl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I'd deal with the Post Natal Depression before making an decisions about your future realtionship.
Depression of any kind can cloud your true feelings, and make you feel sad in any situation, so may its best to get to grips with the Depression, see a doctor, get counsilling and when you are feeling a little better have a think about what you want to do.
Hope things soon start to look brighter for you.
2006-10-04 18:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about your feeling's. Maybe the two of you have just lost touch with the things that brought you together, maybe someone can watch your daughter for a week and the two of you can take a road trip, driving around in a car together seeing new places and spending nights together could help bring you back to the place you once were. I know that when my husband and I let life get in our way a road trip and spending that time together wakes us back up.
2006-10-04 18:15:57 · answer #10 · answered by preshus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋