I have a really strange situation... please help!?

Question

First let me give a little background. My husband has had 3 affairs in the past year, he says he wants to stay together and work things out, but I am unsure. I confided in another guy and found out that he likes me, problem is he is married. We have seen each other several times and we constantly flirt and he has kissed me on several occasions. I have become very attracted to him and it's a very difficult situation to say the least. The last time I saw him he kissed me and told me that he thought I was dangerous and we had to be careful, but less than an hour later he called me and said we should stop what we were doing because what we were doing was messing with his head. I completley understand why he said this, but I am still very attracted to him. What should I do?

Answer 1

first think about how you felt when you found out that your husband had an affair. now do you really think that you should have an affair with a married man? how do you think his wife would feel.
1. get a divorce
2. men who cheat on thier wives with will cheat on you when/if they leave the woman for you.

you should respect his marriage

Answer 2

Please don't think I'm judging you - I've not been in your situation, I've not been cheated on - also, please don't think I'm looking down on you - I'm definitely not.

Clearly you've been faced with a difficult situation.

I take it that your husband and you have stayed living together for now?

I know your husband did cheat on you and hae three affairs - that sets up a pattern. There's a saying: Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me.

One affair is perhaps reconcilable - it was a new experience, he was caught u in the thrill of it. However by the time affair number three came around he clearly knew what he was doing and he knew he'd be hurting you and he was throwing dirt on the marriage you and he had built so carefully.

How did you feel about the persons your husband had an affair with? Did you bear any ill feelings? Did you think that they should've stopped the affair? Or do you suspect that maybe your husband hid his being married from each of them so he could have his affair?

The thing I'm getting at is that if you go ahead with this affair, you're taking the place of the 'other woman'. Knowing what you do, would you put someone else through what you've been through?

Also by knowingly becoming the 'other woman' by entering a relationship with a married man, you're enabling him to act poorly.

There's every chance this guy will have an affair whether it's with you or not. But do you really want to be that person?

I know it's his responsibility more than it is yours - but what about your responsibility to your own marriage? Yes, I know you've been cheated on, but does then turning around and doing the exact same thing to your husband regardless of his actions or not, make it right?

I think you know the answer to this.

Whilst it's easy to indulge in a revenge affair and whilst it's more than possible that there's a genuine attraction, is there a way you can take some time to concentrate on your marriage and either separate or divorce if you decide ultimately that it's no-longer something you want?

I know your husband is saying he wants to stay together, but that said, do you think he's really capable of remaining faithful?

Also, the fact that he's had the affairs in the first place indicates that he wasn't happy with the marriage or with himself - now let me be absolutely clear here. You can be unhappy with a marriage without it being the fault or responsibility of your spouse. Some people just aren't well matched or suited but you don't always realise till after you're married.

Do you think that the friend you confided in who you began to fall for could perhaps be playing with your feelings and not actually intend things to go further? Is it possible that he just wanted to see what it was like to get your attention romantically?

I'd say that it might be an idea to stop seeing this friend for a while - let things cool off and then when you're ready, talk things through. Sometimes there's nothing like talking through things and basically dissecting them to death that can really de-romanticise things and force them to take on a clinical detatched nature. That could be worth looking at doing as it might effectively cool things off between you and this friend.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Are you serious? You already know damn well what you should do. Are you looking for someone to tell you that its ok for you to have this affair with a married man,because your husband cheated on you? Aint gonna happen. You either are staying in your marriage or not. (I recommend Not) But make up you mind, and don't bog it all up with an affair of your own. You cant justify it, and you will be the one turning this man into what your husband is. You will be the other woman, and after what you went through, how could you even think of doing that to another woman??? He is at least aware that it is dangerous. Of course it is. If you see him even one more time , alone, then you are seriously just inviting it. You KNOW it will happen. Stay away. If you want out of your marriage , get out, and don't be with anyone else who is married.

Answer 4

First of all you should remember you are married. If you are going to see other people then get a divorce. It doesn't matter if your husband has cheated on you that doesn't mean that you should be a cheater too. If you do start seeing someone els and your husband divorces you then he can get you for adultry and unless you can prove he went out too then he has grounds to take you for everything. If you restrain yourself from seeing other guys until you either work things out with your husband or divorce then it will look better to the judge if you do end up divorcing your husband. Think about it. Two wrongs don't make a right.!! The married man will see other women with you just like he is doing to his present wife. You don't need that kind of trama in your life. Let him go.

Answer 5

I think you are truly unhappy in your marriage and is looking for someone else to give you the attention that you seek from your husband. Playing with fire is not the key. You need first to become single again! your husband is not good for you and DO NOT do to another woman what your husband has done to you. Look you will find another man you are attracted to with everything you deserve but you do not deserve any of the crap you have been getting from both of these men. Your husband is using you because he knows you wont leave him and this other guy is using you situation to move in on you emotionally first then physically just leave them both alone. I know easier said then done but find the strength somewhere you dont want to feel like this forever! good luck

Answer 6

You appear to know of your husband's affairs. Does he know of your affair? Why does your husband cheat? Why do you? What is a marriage? Do you still have one, or a you just roommates? If so, do you want things to remain as they are? You do not seem to show guilt or remorse. If an open marriage works, let it work? If not, can the both of you separate without leaving the other in ruin? This guy, the one you feel so much for, does he want to marry you, leave his wife? It seems to me he wants sex with no strings, like most do. This man is doing with you, what your husband is doing with another. What is the difference? Why do you see him in a better light than your husband? What do you want? What does your husband want? What does the guy want? What does his wife want? She, if anyone appears to be the victim. How did you find out about your husband's affairs? Have you heard of swinging?

Answer 7

it sounds like your husband is only wanting to stay with you so he does not have to leave his comfort zone and divorce is expensive, but of course we dont know that, maybe he really does want to work things out, he may be genuine, but it sounds more like hell just do it again
but that would be a decision that can only be made by you...i would say try for the sake of trying, he is your husband
however as far as you and this other guy go
you should not be messing with him at all because he is married
think of how it made you feel when your husband cheated on you all those times
do you want to make another person have to go through that???
and besides you vowed to be faithfull, just cause your husband went back on it doesnt mean that you should too
it kinda goes back to the old sying you heard when you were ten
two wrongs dont make a right
or the good old
if he jumps off a bridge would you do it too

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you are insecure & don't want to be alone...you have kept a husband around that keeps cheating on you yet you are still with him. He has his cake & is eating it too. How does it make you feel that he has had 3 affairs? How do you think this other guys wife would feel if she knew that he was "flirting" with you? I say, get rid of your husband and leave this other guy alone. Then take some responsibility for yourself & figure out what you want & need even if it means being alone.

Answer 9

my question is if you feel the need to go out and meet new, married men guys, what are you still doing with your husband? you say this new married guy makes you feel real good huh? well any man that has bee with any number of women knows just what to say to make a women in your predicament feel real good. don't think he isn't playing on your emotions because he is. anything to get him closer to his goal. and yeah, you might think that is what you want to do, but think about this, work out the issues you have at home. if you choose to stay.... if you decide you are ready to start living your life..... just don't make an already messy, not so pleasant a situation even more messed up. also, if a married man that you know WILL NOT commit to being with you because of his obligations to his wife/family is digging you that much, image what a single guy can do for you and so on! think about it. this isn't a hard decision to make. good luck!

peace

Answer 10

Life's weird, always putting each and everyone of us in so many situations decisions we take become very individual.

Get decided what you want first. Then make sure you don't have any regrets and that in a way, you have control of the situation.

After all, think that things like these are pretty common, we hear about them all around us but we always try to ignore their presence and treat them as "strange".