Deep Depression?

Question

I am married we are in our 30's. We have had a very rocky hard first year of marriage. Her family doesn't like me. They use to but she involves them in all our fights, cause she doesn't have any friends. I am going into surgery nexy week for my back, she was staying at her moms. She came back to take care of me, but things are missing. I am inlove and have come along way in my life and since I have met her. I was mentally abusive to her never physical. I have said my sorries and have stopped with the abuse. I siad things out of being hurt. Like when she would lie or choose her family over me and things like that. Our sex like is zero, her family is calling non stop. I feel alone and hope I dont wake after surgery. I am scared and have tried showing her I am sorry and I have become a better man. I am always left out & always come last when it comes to her family. I have no one or nothing exept myself and her. I chose her when I said I do, my friends didnt like her either. Im lost & sad

Answer 1

Like I said in your original question take her on a trip without cell phone access. It will let you to work out whatever differences. Give it a little try and if it doesn't work or thinkgs don't change when you get back consider getting a divorce.

Answer 2

First pick yourself up and think about where you are in your life and where you want to go.
Set goals for yourself and work on achieving them. It sounds like your marriage is over and if so you need to move on and save yourself before you do something worse. My husband verbally abused me and the kids and it damaged the relationship to the point that we no longer live together. Saying sorry a million times just doesn't work after the heart is so hurt and damaged. The best thing is living apart. You may find that you have a better realtionship as friends than lovers.
As for the relatives she is doing a bad thing telling them everything as it is damaging the realtionship you have with them and will never be the same.
My friends didn't like my husband either and I wish they would have actually hollered at me for picking him to marry. You see we see only what we want to see and sometimes making mistakes is the only way we learn.
Sorry for being blunt but honesty is best not sugar coated.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Have you ever sat her down and discussed your dispair with her? I understand feeling neglected in a marriage but from a much lighter circumstance. Communicating your feelings in slow and deliberate sentences is one great way to help your one and only understand how you are feeling. I also recommend that you continue to show love in open and physical ways. Such as cute notes and flowers and stuff like that. That is both surprisingly refreshing and proof of thoughtfulness. Another thing is to give a hug and kiss and remember to be selfless for a little longer and ask about her day or her family. If she does still love you then she will eventually see how much you are trying. Give it a shot. There is nothing worth saving more than a marriage. A quick prayer has never hurt either.

Answer 4

You can only account for your own actions, you have said your sorries & proved to be a different person, good for you. The first year of marriage is hard, i've been there. A lot of forgiveness & compromise. If she can't come to terms that a marriage takes work then you are better off with out her. Trust me I have been to the point where I didn't want to wake up but then I finally realized that tomorrow just may be a better day. Good luck.

Answer 5

dear lost and sad, i suggest marriage counceling, if she wont go then give her a ultimatum of either marriage counceling and your marriage and cutting the apron strings or a divorce and stick to it. i would suggest divorce lightly but i suspect shes already divorced you in her heart and the bible says to leave your parents and cleave unto your spouse. the damage of the mental abuse may have severed all love she had for you. no matter how much you apologive you cant take the words back and words are more deadly than anything else. kudo's to you for changing your behavior and becoming a better man but it may be to late for this marriage. BUT not for a future relationship so i hope you stick to the changes you've made. you cant force her to love you or give up her family, if shes not ready to cut the apron strings then your better off moving on and waiting for someone mature enough to let go of mommy and daddy. she has to tell her family to stop the harressment and abuse but that doesn't seem likely. when you respond with immature attacks your not doing either of you any good. you dont have to be lost, theres JESUS and the sadness will pass in time. move on, you deserve better, its not worth the suffering and pain. good luck!!

Answer 6

You need to tell her exactly how you feel, otherwise she will never know. You should seek the help of a professional and you should probably attend marriage counseling, so that you can get your issues out in the open in a controlled environment. Don't focus on the opinions of her family and your friends, but on your relationship. There is nothing that you can do to change the past, but you can accept it and let her know how much you've changed and want her to be in your life.

Answer 7

My friend, you that have ears, let them hear.

The time in which you are going through is painful and depressing. It seems that all is falling down, and there are no answers or relief. I am not sure on exactly what you believe. But Jesus Christ is the answer to every problem or every question you have. He is God's one and only Son, who left his perfect home heaven to come and die for your sins forever. So that if you should believe in Him, you will be saved. I know what you are going through, and I know it hurts. But hang in there, turn to God and accept Him into your life. I can guarantee you that if you accept Him, you will be filled like you never have been before. God's love is what all are looking for, it is unfailing, none can compare to it. There is so much more to God, but if you want to know more, then email me at [e-mail]

Answer 8

I am going through the same thing you are now, trust me you are not the only one. My girl just left me because her parents did'nt like me and said I was not good enough for their daughter. It really hurts and sucks............and trust me, no one seems to know how you feel do they, well I really do.
It seems to me this woman has control over you, And yes, that is how woman want it.
You need to get yourself out of that "doghouse" state and do not be mopey, Woman love that. Show her that you are a man and do not let her walk all over you like that.
I know it is really hard. My girlfriend and her family were all I had. And now she broke up with me, now I have nobody at all.
I am tired of everyone telling me to get a hobby and go fishing for other girls. Man if they would just shut up and know that I want my girl back.

Answer 9

You both have to agree to stay married if you want it to work. She does need to stop involving her family in your fights, and you need to find some of the same friends... it is easier when you have some of the same friends.

Answer 10

Some things in life my friend are irreversible. Its your karma coming back to you. My advise for you is stop with the sorries and start with the actions. You know you messed up now prove it with out words. That's how you can reverse the karma..