I am a 38 year man married to a 33 year woman. We have had problems & her family has gotton involved. They hate me &my wife goes & stays there & leaves me & now she is back because i am having major back surgery next week. I have never hit her, I have called names and now since she is back I have been totally different. There is no sex, her family is calling her 20 times a day. They are and have proven time and again that they come first not me. I am sad, lonely and pray that during surgery I dont wake up. I know you can only say so mush here. I have been a caring loving man at least I thought so. I know the names were wrong &I am sorry & it will never happen again, I said alot of things when hurt that I didn't mean. reasons I get hurt , she had surgery & instead of bringing me to the doctor to decide who was the right one, she brought her mother & her sister. She had the surgery, &went to her moms after. They dont like me so I could go visit her. I am always feeling left out.
2006-10-04 10:18:32 · 8 answers · asked by buddabear38 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi , i am sure that when you got angry you said things that you didn't mean, its normal, hey no one is perfect , you need to try to have a heart to heart talk with your wife and let her tell you what is really bugging her,, you need to listen to her without butting in,,when she is finish ,,then you tell her why your really upset,, and at the same time you mention to her that what ever problems that is going on between both of you ,,, her family don't have to be involved in at all,, no marriage is perfect so don't feel so depressed , i hope that everything goes with your surgery next week, you need to also think about your health,,
good luck
Leena
2006-10-04 10:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by leena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE IN LIFE SOMEONE CAN LEARN IS THIS....
When a child hurts him or herself and cries and feels the pain, a parent that says, "oh that must really hurt" , that must be so painful etc. etc. this lesson's the pain for the child. Because what you do is you acknowledge that pain and that child is not alone.
When the parent who says, for example..."oh it's not that bad", you deny that it is not that bad, but your not the one feeling it, so the child cries more. Because he or she is telling you, yes it does, how would you know how bad it is. Infact, the child feels bitter and hurt that you would think that he did not matter enough or that you don't love him or her enough, because you are brushing him or her off.
And what I realised is that it applies to adults as well.
Think about what I just wrote, and apply it to your wife.
And you will be amazed at how it will work out.
As much as you may need this yourself, your going to have to put your depression aside. Yes, you can do it, because your going to see that this will make you feel much more better then how your feeling right now.
When you give, you get back. And you will get what you give. It's time for you to give in the way I mentioned above.
She may question your kindness, but when she does, tell her that you realized that it's not about you right now, it about her, because you have hurt her.
Be strong, being a man is not easy. Always having to be strong.
But you have to do it. OK?
Because it will work out. promise you.
2006-10-04 10:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by sweetcitywoman2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your surgery done and recupe.. Have a date night and ask her the question..does she want to be married to you?. Can she stop running to her family to give her answers?
I think it is time you get a grip and take some of your power back.
Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to make up her mind...This is very immature and it is obvious she is very insecure... You need to accept whatever her response may be, and if necessary cut your losses and move on. There are lots of good , strong and caring people out there .. Don't give up, there is so much to see and do... Take a stand Bud and get to it.. Good luck on the surgery and get on with your life...
2006-10-04 10:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time for you sit down and talk with your woman. Go on a vacation where no cell phones can reach so it will only be the two of you to talk it out. If that doesn't work its time to move on and enjoy the single life again.
2006-10-04 10:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by Paka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like it isn't really working, doesn't it? It doesn't sound like you aren't living as man and wife, especially if she is always at her family's. You know you need to move on, right? You can't stay in this limbo, and it sounds like she has left you already. You have to take the next step.
2006-10-04 10:27:49 · answer #5 · answered by wendy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to either get rid of her and her family. Just get the divorce and move on or....
You're going to have to confront her family. Try going to her mom, and explaining how you're feeling. Tell them that you're a part of this family and you feel left out.
2006-10-04 10:23:37 · answer #6 · answered by ~Lacey~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confident, existence will suck! i comprehend everybody is going by using complicated cases. i comprehend I did. right here is what you will desire to do, sweetheart. Lay down and cry. in basic terms cry all of it out. each so often i could think of of all the undesirable issues first. Then i could say, it gets extra effective, existence is going on. It gets extra effective, existence is going on. Then think of of all the stunning memories of your previous, in line with risk a chuffed formative years tale, or a exciting holiday you had. think of appropriate to the time you need to no longer be happier. bear in mind that in case you have felt that happiness as quickly as, you may sense it back. in case you're gentle with praying, it somewhat is how i in my view have been given by using terrible nights and weekends. continuously bear in mind, you're by no potential on my own. I see you being a alluring female with a candy character, and that i could by no potential desire to work out you harm. because of the fact i've got felt the non-public loneliness too. it truly is o.k. to no longer be ok. in basic terms bear in mind discomfort is in basic terms non everlasting. in case you somewhat desire to be chuffed, you may have faith your self into something. not extra detrimental techniques. God bless
2016-10-01 22:44:43 · answer #7 · answered by rotanelli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a very unhappy marriage. Either seek counseling with your wife, or a good divorce lawyer.
2006-10-04 10:22:10 · answer #8 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋