I have much more of a sex drive than my boyfriend, we haven't had sex in a month, what's wrong?

Question

we've only been dating for 7 months and we are both in our 20's. he's kind of depressed because of some issues in his life right now. i've confronted him about my feelings and still nothing. What do i do? ( i know he's not cheating on me)

Answer 1

You are singing to the choir over here. Depression can drastically affect a guy's sex drive. This is especially if the guy is feeling low about himself at the time. Also some guys just have a lower sex drive. It may seem higher at the beginning of the relationship because he wasn't getting any sex for awhile before you got together. I used to think this was a sure fire indicator of cheating but I don't think it is anymore. Us women are used to being chased for sex so it is odd to us to have to ask for it. I think it throws guys off too when we want it more.

I've had this problem on and off with my boyfriend and I have come to the conclusion it is just his sex drive. When he came home from being away for 5 weeks it was just like it was when we first got together--- awesome! (we are also in our 20s)

So don't push your man right now. Try to support him during this rough time and hope that in the future your needs will be met more. Maybe you could discuss a compromise with him on this. Either way try not to be too hard on him because he'll just retreat even further. Good luck!

Answer 2

When men are depressed or onder a lot of stress, their bodies and mind really are more keyed up for combat than doing the horizontal mombo. Help him address his issues with life, get him to see a doctor if he is depressed and the most important thing you can do:

DO NOT NAG HIM. You may think that have a big confrontation and "talking things over" is going to help. Trust me (as a man and a counselor) you will only drive him further into his cave. Instead do exactly what we tell men to do with women who have a lower sex drive. Sex doesn't begin in the bedroom, it begins with that 1st cup of coffee in the morning. Give him "Woo!" Send him a fax or put a post-it note with a (L.M.L.T.) (Lets Make Love Tonight). Fix him his favorite meal, or take him to dinner. Give him time to do "Man Things".

Also ask him what his turn on's are. Most guys would get a kick out a woman just flat out telling us they want to bed us "Right NOW!" vs. dropping subtle hints. In case you haven't guessed most men do not catch hints. Women are much better communicators and your hints don't even show up on our radar. As men we haven't changed since the caveman days (ok instead of poking a fire with a stick, we sit on a recliner and use a remote with a TV, but idea for us is still the same).

Good luck with this and I hope things turn out good for both of you.

Answer 3

Sex is an external symptom of an internal condition. What this means is that changes in his sex drive are tied to what he feels on the inside, and that changes in your sexual relationship are tied to your level of communication.

As emotions and sexuality are integrally linked, if your boyfriend is down, it's tough for him to get in the mood. It may also be that you have a larger sex drive than does he. This is not unusual - it is a myth that men are always ready for sex, just as it is a myth that women don't want it as much. It really depends on the individual. And so long as you two are open about your sexual desires you can achieve a mutual level of satisfaction as far as frequency (although there will probably be some compromise: if you like to swing from chandeliers and would like daily sex but he prefers missionary position once a week, you may have to agree on the early chapters of the kama sutra and try two to three times a week).

You said you've confronted him about your feelings. If he has a lot on his mind, this isn't helping. Be the "best friend" part of "girlfriend" and you'll find this helps him work through what he needs to work through. Then he'll be more receptive to sex.

That brings me to the second part of my first statement - if he's down and you confronted him, there's a disconnect between your emotional states. You don't have to be down with him, and he doesn't have to be energized as you are. But you should talk about it.

Take it from a married person. My wife and I have been together for five years. The times that the affection has dropped are the times we are stressed, in pain (a friend of mine committed suicide and I was really on and off for a long time, like six months), or our schedules don't click (I worked nights, she worked days; thank God it eventually switched). During these times our relationship has stayed strong because we found other means to express our love for one another, despite the frustration.

Answer 4

Depression can really lower peoples sex drive. It can make them feel tired, unattractive, down, anxious and irratible - nothing to get you in the mood.

Also if he is taking more drugs or alcohol or if he is sleeping too much or too little these will all add to his low of libido.

For many people it is temporary - give your boyfriend some love and support and take sex off the agenda - say to him when he is ready you will be waiting. You can try giving him massages and things to relax him - make sure he is eating and get him to do some exercise even if its just going for a walk. It will help calm him and destress him and get those positive hormones growing.

If it looks like a more serious case of depression suggest that he talks to a profession or a doctor - not necessarily for medication but for someone to talk to who won't judge him and will give him practical advice to cope with his depression.

Also, for yourself remember that people who are depressed can act out of character - then may push you away or be irritable or angry and it can be hard. It is not necessariyl a rejection of you.
You can be supportive of your boyfriend but only your boyfriend can take the steps to help himself.
Don't pressure him about the lack of sex - i am sure it will sort it self out very quickly.

Answer 5

Whats your #? Want to replace my wife? hehe jk.

Well obviously sex isnt really big with him, or at least sex with you. But I doubt its you being that guys will usually do anything sexual anytime no matter what the quality. (again nothing against you) Part of a healthy sexual relationship is when BOTH people are making advances, intitiating, and engaging in sex. There is a problem when you have 1 partner doing it all.

Although I dont condone sex before marriage, my first advice would be to wait before youre married because you know many of the consequences. But also sex puts a bond between 2 people that was only meant to be there between man and woman joined by God.

Once you married and if you have that problem, let me know when you have the asnwer to that because Im in that boat too! Im just trying to allow her to understand the Biblical concepts behind love and sex follows right after love. IE:If you love your spouse, then you want them sexually!

Answer 6

a) he very well might be cheating on you. dont be so sure about anything, especially if he's in his 20's and you've only been together 7 months.

b) does he smoke a lot of pot, or do other drugs? very bad on the sex drive.

c) depression often kills the sex drive. cut him some slack.

Answer 7

If he's depressed his sex drive can go way to (probaby close to nil). He should do something for his depression. Releave the stress causing it or what not. Once he's better he'll probably return to a normal sex drive.

Answer 8

When I was deppresed my sex drive didnt suffer untill doc gave me meds thats when my sex drive was non existent so i stop taking meds and found alternative ways to deal with depression and now im back to normal in my sex drive

Answer 9

sometimes when a person is depressed your hormones are at a still it is not that he is not attracted to you it is that so many things are going through his mind until he is confused sit with him and talk about his feelings even if you do not understand sometimes someone listening means everything be his rock his shoulder and you will see that he will open up to you little by little then you will not be able to keep him off you

Answer 10

lack of sex drive is one of the recognised signs of clinical depression (together with: sense of worthlessness, lack of enjoyment in doing things one once enjoyed, thoughts of committing suicide, difficulty to concentrate, difficulty to take decisions, negative thoughts about the future, changes in appetite, difficulty to fall asleep / sleep).

so maybe the issues in his life are major?

this being said, at 20 you'd need to be really very depressed to not touch your girl for one whole month!

in which case you could start at least wondering about the quality of your sex life (when you had one). Was he never really attracted to you, I mean physically? Did you never have really steaming hot sessions?

good luck