I've been married 16 yrs. 14 of them I've been begging by husband to see me, hear me, acknowledge me...He was so focused on work and his personal goals I b/c resentful, angry and he was blinded by this, therefore never hearing the problem, only seeing an angry "crazed" woman. After all this time, a trial of marital therapy as well, our communication has somewhat improved but our major problems remain constant. I've fallen out of love with my husband of 16 yrs, I love him as a father, he is wonderful, I love him as a provider, he has made great strides, he is a very nice man, just not the husband I need. I told him I want to divorce, after much thought, many years of therapy for myself...the clarity is real, no fear, no second guesses, it feels head to toe the right thing to do..
Our families have known the issues, yet, everyone seems to be of the opinion, inevitably, that I am the bad guy..I want to be free of this, why can't people care and not criticize?
2006-10-04 10:07:32 · 8 answers · asked by flipit 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you get to the place where you really care more for how you feel and act in the world rather than how others think of you... THEN you will truly be free. It is not your responsibility what others think of you. God bless!
2006-10-04 10:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear them now....are you crazy? the man makes a good living? he's a great father? how can you break his heart? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
You fell out of love, you didn't do it on purpose. You also realize that you can't be happy in a marriage in name only. You don't want a roommate, you want a lover, and a husband that makes your toes curl. Nothing wrong in that, but your parents don't understand that. They proably have settled, you look long and hard at their marriages...do they love their spouse, do they act like it? or do they sleep in seperate rooms, and only kiss when it's a goodbye kiss?
Honey, you want the kind of love that makes you lose your breath. I think you made a very hard heartbreaking decision, and I think they support your decisions, instead of hounding you. I am glad you came to the decisions before you were into the marriage 25 or more. You have shared a lot of good and loving times with this man, but you have out grown the love and the relationship.
Both of you are still young enough to find someone who turns the heat. And I am using all these sexual terms, and I don't just mean in the bedroom. You deserve someone who you can't wait to see, that makes your pulse run wild. I pray that your families will come to understand the situation, and if they can't support it, at least back up off of you. I think you are a very brave woman, and smart. I think you are doing both you and your husband a favor. You realize that if you aren't happy, he can't be either. So, your freedom means his freedom to find his Ms Perfect....
Praying for their understanding, and I wish you well in your new life, and go out and have some fun.
God bless us all..............................
2006-10-04 13:30:17 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people feel they need to take sides and blame someone... it is human nature.... You can't please everyone all the time....
Only you can live your life.. and now you are finally being true to yourself...and taking that next step..... Remember it is easy to voice opinions but walk a mile in that person's shoes and it is not so cut and dry.... There is no easy answer to your question.... Take all this^*&%$#^% talk in your stride...let it go and truly be free.......
You need to stop worrying about the past , think and plan your new future..
Wow you must be so excited..... look out here I come....
2006-10-04 10:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is nobody's business whether you get a divorce or not. If you are THAT unhappy and there is no way to get through to him and you feel like this is the right thing to do, then do it. It sounds to me that you have tried every way possible to get through to him but he still won't meet you half way. If this is the case then you need to realize when you are fighting a losing battle and stop worrying what other people think.
2006-10-04 10:18:57 · answer #4 · answered by krystal s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because people have no life of thier own , they have to add drama somehow i guess. You said you have spent many hours on this and it feels right. So what is holding you back from taking care of you now?
2006-10-04 10:26:30 · answer #5 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's none of your families business and they can't understand the dynamic of your relationship with his husband because their relationship with you and him is different from what goes on in your marriage. Politely tell them to butt out, that you've tried counseling and this is it and you don't appreciate them telling you otherwise.
2006-10-04 10:12:25 · answer #6 · answered by ~Lacey~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats ridiculous! I care and I have never even met you! If you are not happy in your marriage you should definitely divorce...your family needs to realize that they are not married to him, you are, and it is your decision. Gool luck!
2006-10-04 10:14:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you try to talk to him like this, I'd ignore you too.
Why can't you get to the point and quit talking in riddles?
2006-10-04 10:10:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋