I was burned in my last relationship, BADLY! I mean "life-time movie" bad!!! It took me almost a year to get the man out of my life. I have been "psycho-free" for about three months. I am in a new relationship now and things just aren't working. I feel like it is my fault, I seem to have lost all compassion due to the last relationship. What i am wondering is: Is it me? Is it just the wrong guy? or am I just trying to make a big deal out of nothing???
2006-10-04 09:54:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I was burned life time movie bad too. I dated a lot after. I felt cold and hard. But when I met the right guy I realized it wasn't just me... of course part of it was, but mostly I just decided I was not going to ignore warning signs or put up with crap. So I say give it time... remember what you went through so you don't put yourself in another bad situation and one day things will feel good again.
2006-10-04 09:57:14 · answer #1 · answered by girlnextdoor409 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you started another relationship,before you gave your heart enough time to heal.You have carried that baggage form the hurtful relationship into another one.Take some time to come to grips about what happened in the last relationship,what you did to contribute to it,and then learn from those mistake.Accept that you made a bad choice and that you have to suffer the consequences.After you do these things,you will no longer be angry or hurt by the past relationship,but ready to move on with the experience guiding you through the rest of your life.If you need more help,try this book by Iyanla Vanzant called "Tapping the Power Within ( A Path to Self-Empowerment).When I found myself inyour shoes it really helped me to get grounded.That was some years ago,but what I learned from it carries me to this very day.Good Luck to YA!!!!
2006-10-04 10:04:55 · answer #2 · answered by girlqueen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the question is, how have to tried to deal with it? If you are doing it alone, sometimes that is not enough. Try talking to a counselor, and see if that helps.
Also, hopefully you explained the details to the significant other. If not, before the relationship gets too ugly, sit down and tell him/her. Sometimes, being honest is very theraputic.
Remember this: asking for help and understanding from others doesn't make you any less a person, it makes you human.
2006-10-04 10:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by KitKat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite your words, you are not yet free of the last man. That is not a criticism and it is not a "fault". It is reality. You have good reason to be very, very cautious. Please allow me to relate a personal example.
My first marriage fell apart after eighteen years and four kids. I was crushed and felt I was cursed. I went more than two years in desperate search for some sort of redemption, and literally went from New York to Alaska looking for it. After four tries, I met a woman like you: she'd been very badly burned -and on top of that she had two young kids!
We started off cautiously. We dated for over a year. We finally agreed to marry, but not for another eight months...she was as insecure and fearful as you - and frankly, so was I.
We did marry, and for the next couple of years, were reserved, unsure. But we worked at it. I don't know exactly when we finally accepted each other fully and completely. Let's just say we grew together. Now we're working on our seventeenth year together. My kids and hers are grown and successfully managing their own lives. Her ex has gone through three more marriages in the interim, failing at all three. My ex is happy as a clam with two of my adult kids and two granddaughters living with her. Life goes on.
No, you are not making a big deal out of nothing. It is proper to be careful. It may just be too soon for you to really trust a guy, or this may indeed be the wrong guy. Take it slow and easy. You sound as if you're a prize lady, so make him earn his prize! If he falls short, there're other fish in the sea. You'll eventually warm up to one of 'em!
2006-10-04 10:11:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you never really get over it, but you are strong enough to overcome it, you know.
counseling may help, sounds like it was a BAD break-up.
whatever you do don't compare this guy with the other, do you have true feelings for this guy that you may see a future with him? if not, than take a little more time for yourself and just casual date, not a relationship.
find yourself and ask yourself:
what do i really need in my life right now?
what can i do to make me happy?
you pretty much need to know what, where and who you need (if you even need anyone ) before you can involve anyone else in your life or else not only will you be unhappy, but whoever you are involved with will be unhappy also, it's not fair to either of you.
2006-10-04 10:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was divorced a year ago! So i am a single mother! Yes i was very scared to start dating again! But i have been with the man im with now for 10 months! I have fallen in love with him! So yes i think there is love after heart break! Just get out there take some risks! Dont be afraid! Good luck!
2016-03-18 04:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
New guy just must be wrong. Could be that you still need to date more variety of guys or take a longer break. You don't need to be in a relationship to have a fullfilling life. Try to find your compassion again, or find out if you have lost it for certain. Volunteer somewhere and just give yourself some time.
2006-10-04 10:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by CruelNails 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't ready to be in a relationship w/someone else yet. You need to spend time taking care of yourself after the abusive relationship - regroup, figure out who you are and what you want - to heal yourself and then you are ready. Just remember, also, not to get into the same type...watch for red flags.
2006-10-04 09:59:00 · answer #8 · answered by Vanity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need some more time to heal... you are still dealng with the fact that you are hurt.... getting your heart broken requires the same amount of time it takes to recover from surgery..... maybe you jumped into this new relationship to fast....Healing will set you free... you have to regroup and find what you lost so you can become whole again.... I am not saying that you are incomplete but you have lost a big part of yourself that is making you feel this way. if it does not kill you it will only make you stronger....
2006-10-04 10:01:25 · answer #9 · answered by Shonda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way for a long time... and I truely thought my heart was ruined... until I met the girl im with now ... she has brought back all those good feelings and emotions that I thought I had lost. dont think its your falt.. It takes 2 to make it work... and when it does you'll know because all those wonderful feelings will come rushing back at you.
2006-10-04 10:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by brandon j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋