After having a kid how soon should the mother go back to work? Or should the mother be an at home mom?

Question

The father of my child makes enough for me to stay at home with our 2 month old, but I still feel a little like I should do more to help out with the finances.The reason why is because all my life I was use to paying all my bills on my one and depending on no one. Then I got pregnet by my current boyfriend now feance and moved in with him and had our daughter. I also worked all through the pregnance up to three weeks before she was born. So I feel so guilty making him pay for everything that she needs annd I need. Apart of me wants to stay at home and let him worry about the finances. What should I do?

Answer 1

My wife had the same problem. She had always worked and felt guilty about being a stay at home. It was very difficult for me to convince her that:

1) I did not feel in any way put out that she wasn't bringing in an income.

2) Just because she was not going to a job does not mean that she was not working.

3) Being a mom is the most important job on the planet!

4) Unless you are a highly paid professional the cost of hiring a nanny, paying for quality daycare, etc... pretty much cancels out any second income, plus someone else raises your kids instead of you.

Now it is 9 years later and our youngest is in kindergarten. My wife is now back in the workforce as a pre-school science teacher. She is happy to have money of "her own" again, but I think she is less gung ho about the whole job thing after almost an entire decade as super-mom.

Bottom line is that it is a partnership. There is a certain amount of stuff that has to get done. There is the "breadwinner" thing and there is the "home and hearth" thing. both of them have to get done and it doesn't matter which partner does what or how the tasks get divided. Just remember that whichever role you take on you are a vital part of the team regardless of whether you are the one bringing home the bacon or cooking it for the kids.

Answer 2

There used to be a time when the head of the household was the breadwinner, and the mother stayed home and raised the children. Of course that was when everyone knew what their role was in life. Women were women, and men were men. Isn't that a wonderful story? Too bad it got all screwed up - now nobody knows who anyone is anymore - probably why some people don't know if they should be males or females.
I think the world would be a much better place if women stayed home and raised their kids to be good people. There is not a more responsible job in the world. If you've got the chance - stay home. Be a trend setter. You can always find something to keep you busy, besides the kids, and don't forget - they won't be around forever. And when they're grown and gone, you'll still be able to find a job if you WANT one. Kick the guilt trip to the curb. You don't need it.

Answer 3

I totally understand how you feel about the finances, but I think you should stay home if you and your fiance have the means. Raising a child is full time work, and your daughter should be raised by you, not a day care provider, if possible. Day care is expensive anyway.

I used to consider myself something of a feminist, but I read something recently that made me laugh and also made me not feel guilty. The author (a man, interestingly) inferred that employers have tricked women into coming to work. Women used to stay home, but somehow got tricked into feeling as if they should work 2 full time jobs (in the office and at home). So they fought and fought for the "right", and now employers have 2 workers for the price of one and a half!

Answer 4

I would at least work par-time, this will get you out of the house a little, you may not think you need it now but you will. I would also stay involved with the finances too, People are human, mistakes can be made, it is just best to stay involved and know whats going on. Good luck and Congratulations!

Answer 5

YOU ARE DOING THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB OUT THERE--RAISING YOUR CHILD. DONT FEEL GUILTY ENJOY BEING HOME WITH YOUR BABY. MANY MOMS WISH THEY COULD STAY HOME BUT FINANCIALLY THEY CANT. YOUR JOB IS 24-7.YOU CAN GO BACK TO WORK WHEN SHE STARTS SCHOOL IN 5 YEARS-YOU LL BE AMAZED HOW FAST 5 YEARS WILL GO.PLUS YOU WONT MISS OUT ON ANY OF THOSE IMPORTANT MILESTONES.YOU CANT GO BACK IN TIME. IF YOU MISSED IT YOU MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING SO SPECIAL.NO REGRETS IF YOU STAY HOME--YOU LL BE THERE FOR HER FROM THE TIME SHE WAKES UP TIL THE TIME SHE GOES TO BED.I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM WITH 6 KIDS. I HAVE NO REGRETS IM GLAD I WAS HERE TO SEE IT ALL.

Answer 6

It's up to you. There is no "should" or "should not" in this case. I will tell you this: my friend just had a baby and she and the father do not make enough for her to stay at home. She feels like she is missing out on her time with her baby.

Answer 7

Who do you want to raise your child? That's the question you should ask yourself. If you feel someone else will take care of your child's needs better then go back to work. If you realize that no one will cherish your baby more than you...stay home. Ask your baby what he/she would prefer.

Answer 8

This is an individual choice to be made by each family - depending on how they want to raise their family, financial concerns, etc. There is no guideline here. No one can make the right decision for you.

Answer 9

You sound considerate. I think you should get back to work before the financial pressure turns him into a *****.

Answer 10

I think you should get a p/t job. definitely not 9-5.