My boyfriend told me he was hurt because his friend who is a girl, lied, cheated, and stole from him. I thought he was upset over his sons choosing to stay with their mom, but then he let me know it was because his "friend" hurt him. Do I have reasons to be angry or should I feel bad because I got mad?
2006-10-04 08:54:36 · 16 answers · asked by angel_fire_2149 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me explain my question better, my boyfriend and i have been dating for 7 months, he is legally separated and was upset i thought because his sons had decided to stay with their mom, i was being supportive of him, and since I have been through a divorce I was helping him deal with it. (the divorce), but then he said how would i feel if someone told you that they loved you unconditionally, and that you were their world, then you find out they have cheated on you, lied to you and stole from you. If this is just a "friend' why so much sadness and emotions? Especially if I am supposed to be the only love in his life? Am I still wrong for getting mad?
2006-10-04 09:14:39 · update #1
Is this a marriage question? I am confused....
2006-10-04 08:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous and I understand why.
I wouldn't be angry with your husband the betrayal of a friend is devastating, and if the friend is close enough to effect where his sons will live then that betrayal is even worse. Of course I am a man, so I look at the situation from a male perspective. To males friendships, trust, and loyalty are very important issues. He would feel the same way if a guy had betrayed him.
I am not calling you a shrew or a bad woman. I am merely saying that your instincts are cropping up. You didn't explain who this "friend" was, probably an old girlfriend. You fell the threat of competition from this "friend" which is coloring how you feel about the situation. Once you understand this then you may be more able to handle the situation.
You should be honest with you man and tell them what you are feeling. You should say, I feel sorry for what happened, but I have to say that your relationship with this "friend" is causing me concerns. This woman is a threat to your relationship and that makes you mad. Since the relationship is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to a woman I understand where you are coming from and I don't hold it against you. But, men won't understand your point of view; you have to explain it to them. If you look at it beyond your instincts then you might feel more sympathy with him, but that still doesn't remove the possible threat to your relationship. Since that is the primary problem for you, you need to tell your man that you are concerned.
For more information on the differences between men and women and how it affects their thinking see my answer for this question: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhrMq_Z_9YPW918ag8jmEyHsy6IX?qid=20060908130830AAz4Xnu (answer #8)
2006-10-04 16:13:37 · answer #2 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have a reason to feel mad. Your bf was lied to, cheated and his "friend" stole from him. Just because you thought about something else does not give you any right ot be mad. He needs support, not a *****.
2006-10-04 15:57:06 · answer #3 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was an obvious misunderstanding on your part. Why would you get angry?, unless you didnt totally understand something at first. Now that you do, why not have his back in a time thats hard for him?. Work with him through this. Im wondering if theres a bit of jealousy of the .."friend" there. specially with the way you put it.
2006-10-04 15:58:29 · answer #4 · answered by Enigma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you wanting to get angry about? That you made the wrong assumption about what hurt your man?
I think I'd be more upset over his poor choice in "friends"- and wonder why he was so emotionally involved with her to the point of being swindled and devasted.
2006-10-04 15:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
..well yeah....if he is devastated he sure has invested alot of emotional energy in his "so-called" friend who lied and stole from him...I would be angry at his stupidity for choosing such idiotic friends...and be angry because it made me lose respect for him which would affect my sexual attraction to him...also...i am the type of person who wants all my mans attention...so yeah...mad because he hurt me by not being who i thought he was...
2006-10-04 15:59:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think you have the right to be angry over you boyfriend's friend hurting him?
2006-10-04 16:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I dont really see any reason to be angry, she is just a friend. You should be there for him because he is upset.
2006-10-04 16:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by TroubleRose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she lied, cheated and stole from him. anyone would get mad if they were treated like that. i'm not understanding what you are mad about. if you are jealous, you must insecure or have low self esteem. youre being stupid, stop tripping.
2006-10-04 16:17:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
uh???? I think shes not a friend and you need to get a friend too and let him ....Lie, cheat, and steal from you to and tell your husband so you can understand what he's going thru...: )
For future reference you can only cheat on someone if your with them.... Have you figured that out yet???
2006-10-04 16:00:05 · answer #10 · answered by Charmed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably feel bad. That's one less girl to worry about.
2006-10-04 15:57:15 · answer #11 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋