2006-10-04 08:44:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
This seems to be a common 'trait' of many. We fall head-over-heals for the indifferent, but rarely seem to love the ones that madly love us back. Why is this?
2006-10-04 09:13:58 · update #1
When I fall in love with someone, I have this great serotonin rush and I'm so happy for months.
Of course, the man I'm attracted to is usually clueless to the possibility that we're perfect for each other, has no corresponding mania, and therefore no motive (except friendship or sex) to return my affections.
I hate to admit it, but for me the chase is much more fun than having my affection returned, and I've just learned to be happy with it.
2006-10-04 09:14:48 · answer #1 · answered by cancelcodeyellow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I was abused as a child and I fall for people who don't return my affections because my parents always made it clear that they didn't like me and I was a burden, but they were really super-nice to take care of me. Total bullsh!t. So now, I think that somebody who doesn't really love me actually *does* love me because I thought my parents loved me.
Now that I've been through quite a bit of therapy and have handled some of my glaring problems, I'm freer to challenge the idea that I'm a horrible person and that my parents were good and loving. My mom actually said that if I'd been a better daughter, she'd have been a better mother. So now, if somebody doesn't treat me well, I don't automatically assume that they love me because I no longer assume that my parents loved me. Most parents do love their kids--it was natural for me to think my situation was normal and twist their abuse around until I thought it was actually love. Natural, but totally untrue.
As for why people who don't have PTSD do the same thing...um, I don't know. I can't comment much on "normal" people--I still kinda see things as an outsider. But I guess it's partly the idea that if you could just change that person, change his/her mind, turn him/her around, that person would be totally grateful that you were some savior-type and would looooove you forever. But of course, they never change (not the way you *want* them to, anyway) and you're stuck thinking, oh, if only I'd done this or that...total waste of time. You're not respecting yourself by being with someone who truly loves you, and you're not respecting the other person to make their own decisions based on free will.
Fall for whoever you fall for--it's not like you have a choice. Just think about how much effort you want to put in a doomed relationship and get out as soon as you know it isn't working. It won't get better! You'll just get more entangled and it'll be harder to get out. So save the both of you some trouble and don't let your hormones rule your relationships--let your head have a little say in the matter, too. Hearts are lovely, but you can't always trust them.
2006-10-04 16:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by SlowClap 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's just a fact of life..they don't call 'em crushes for nothin'! :P
Everyone gets their heart broken many times before they find the right one. It's just one of those things...like when you have on a nice outfit, and you're lookin' good, you dont see anyone you know.
Then, when you're rushin' to the store at 12am in your hairrollers for an emergency, that's when you see someone you know. The world is a *****. Pass the midol. :D
2006-10-04 15:53:53 · answer #3 · answered by Mizzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I SO wish I knew. It's always one way or the other with me. Either I'm crazy about them, and they're indifferent. Or I'm indifferent, and they're crazy about me. I have YET to find a happy medium.
2006-10-04 15:52:40 · answer #4 · answered by Me It's a Secret 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The old saying usually applies " opposites attract" and it seems to work that way and you complment each other. If you are too much alike you would clash.
2006-10-04 15:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by cruisingalong 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who knows? Women tend to think they can 'change' a man with time and refuse to see the signals through their rose colored glasses.
2006-10-04 15:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sometimes they dont know how to return the feeling as given to them,or they feel the same way but dont know how to show it.i think you should talk to that person.
2006-10-04 16:01:57 · answer #7 · answered by carmen b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no sport in falling for someone that is crazy about you. It's boring.
2006-10-04 16:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by Ha Ha Charade You Are................... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But that's exactly how infatuations work, my dear. It's unfar. Good enough, yes?
2006-10-04 18:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by FILO 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all i know is that it just happen and you pay for that... one of the worst things that could happen to anyone... so be carefull next time...
2006-10-04 15:55:58 · answer #10 · answered by Sanjaya A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋