help!!!! i still want him?????

Question

I am seperated for a couple of months after 11yrs of marriage 15yrs together. We are going through alot of bs right now. He is in a bit of trouble and I have moved 1100miles away so my family can help mw with my kids. He says he needs to figure things out emotionally, physically and financially. I need him now and I want my family back. I am willing to do whatever it takes. My kids want him with us to. And honestly him moving here would do some good for him to get away from all the trouble where he is at. I tell him all the time that I am here for him and will help him in what ever way I can and To forget anything that has happened on the last couple of months. It would be a fresh start. How can I convince him???? Help me please.

Answer 1

tell him what in your heart and let him follow his heart back to you and your kids. if he doesnt then it's wasnt meant to be. i know you and your kids love him but you cant force someone to do something. you need to give it time and see where it's go. but that would be a good idea what you said. to move there and start fresh. but you need to tell him how you and the kids feel and if he love you he will move there. but good luck and i hope everything turn out good for you and your family.

Answer 2

First I will start by saying I am so sorry to hear of your troubled time, that must be very hard for you and good for you pulling so hard for your family. As for your question, I don't know what kind of trouble you mean, but you should do what is the safest and best environment for your children first, if he is any kind of father he will agree to move where ever to accomplish that. Tell him that married couples figure things out together. If he needs individual time to work on emotions then suggest counciling. ALmost everyone has money troubles, I wouldn't know where to start to suggest helping without knowing more about you. I would ask my family to watch the kids for the weekend, go see your husband and talk it all out, you have been married too long to be going through a predicament like this on seperate levels. Go get him and bring him home. Tell him that his problem is everyone in the family's problem and you all need to work it out together in the same place. Not to sound old fashioned, but if it was me and my husband wanted to stay together in the same place, I would stay where he wanted, unless it wasn't good for my children. I believe it is the man's job to carry the family and I would remind my husband of his responsibilities. Just communicate with him and tell him what you need. It will work out. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, it seems like you already told him your feelings and ideas, and the kids have said they want him there. He needs to make a decision and it appears he has told you he needs to figure things out emotionally, physically and financially. He might feel that by moving 1100 miles away, you abandonded him.
I think you've made your point. The only thing left is to decide how long you'll wait for him to figure things out.....or if moving back home would prove to him that you are truly "there" for him. Are you willing to help him work things there out until you can move away together?

Answer 4

If he truly wants his family back he will do whatever is humanly possible to get on the right track again. No amount of pleading, conniving or convincing on your part is going to make him want to. That would just guilt trip him. Just let him know you and the kids miss him. That is enough.
Depending on what kind and how much trouble he's is in, do you want to bring that down on your extended family though? Maybe its best to let him get things sorted out. Talk it over with him, see what he says.

Answer 5

Fifteen years together, 11 years married...and kids. He decides he needs to 'figure things out" emotionally and financially?

he can't support you or your kids and you "will do anything" to get him back. that's it. prostitute your good sense and moral obligation to your children for a guy who has failed you. You madam, are what they call an 'enabler". You do that. You bring him all the way out to you and your kids. It'll be the same as it was 1100 miles ago.

Next thing you'll be doing is asking people here what to do because you foolishly got yourself back into the same quagmire you were in earlier.

Keep asking for trouble.

Answer 6

I had many clients that from what i read were going through somewhat a similar situation.
Of course i am not aware of the actual situation in your family but as general guidelines I would suggest honest talks between you and him ( both of you have to put your kids first), compromise, understanding and time.
I would also suggest relationship coaching or couples counseling

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

You can't "convince" him if he is not convinced already. You have to deal with him "figuring things out" for himself. If you're willing to be patient - then just wait. If not - move on, and start fresh by yourself, without the emotional uncertainty.

Answer 8

i agree, tell him what u told us, and tell him u love him, and then try to let him know that u have been with him for so long and u are the the only one he can trust right now. tell him things will be different in a different place. throw the kids in there too cuz that helps !!! also let him know u got his back, thick and thin.. do u know that mary j. bige song, "we've been to strong for too long."

Answer 9

why would you want baggage...if he is in trouble..no thanks..find someone to live a happy life with not one you have to fix his problems and then work the mariage..thats to much work...i always say marriage is work..but thats too much

Answer 10

Tell him how you feel..leave nothing out of the conversation.After which..you need to give him space to figure himself out..Let him go..if he's your's..he'll be your's.