Ok, my husband is leaving for Iraq in January. I've got 2 kids and I'm due with my 3rd in Feb. We are from California but we are in Georgia right now. I had decided I was going to move back to Cali while he was gone for a few reasons. For the family support and to be back where I grew up because I know when he comes back we will never be living back there again. But there are great advantages to staying on post as well. And I finally met a new friend who's husband will be leaving too so we have talked about moving in to together when they go. She has no kids, yet at least. But I really want to be near my family but I also really don't want to leave her alone she has no family to go back to and she has become my best friend. Does anyone have any suggestions or comments on what they would do? I'm just trying to weigh the pros and cons before I make a decision and maybe some other people's points will give me some other things to think about.
2006-10-04 08:08:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not asking anyone to decide for me. I'm just wanting other ideas that maybe I hadn't thought of. You know how it is sometime two heads are better than one on thinking of things I may have over looked.
And to the person who said something about being a good military wife... ummm... well I'd like to say a lot of things to you and I hope that you don't have a wife I would feel sorry for her. My husband does not care what I do while he's gone he wants me to be happy and go where I want to go.
I would not stay here just for her, I am torn because i like her and really want to be with her as well. I am talking to her about goign with me. but her huband is not as understanding as mine and he doesn't want her to go there he wants her to go back to Alabama where she is from and be all alone.
2006-10-04 08:30:24 · update #1
And there are of course cons to going home. Like I've been on my own for a while now and family likes to interfere. I wouldn't be going back for my real family so much as my adoptive family lol. But you know how it is with family just because youd on't always like them you love them. And for every person there I'd like to stay away form there is someone else I'd like to be near. So it is a tough decision. and no I don't have to decided NOW but if I want to be prepared start saving money and stuff and so on.
2006-10-04 08:32:42 · update #2
And our husbands have been out of town for the last month and she's been staying with me. So we already know what's it like living together. We are pretty much a lot of like and she's great with my kids.
2006-10-04 08:33:55 · update #3
When my husband and I were in the military we met some of the best people we have ever known and the friendships help you hold things together. My husband was also deployed, along with a few of my friend's husbands. We took care of each other while they were gone. We helped keep each other going, sharing the loneliness. When one was down, the others pulled ya up. Do they have support groups on base for women whose men are away? If there isn't one, maybe you could initiate one. I found that to be very helpful. And you are going to need help with your children and new baby.
I did fly home and spent an extended time with family and friends to break-up the time....that was nice, but I really didn't feel like that was my "home" and I wanted to go back to base. My mother and sister came to visit for a couple of weeks, to help me with my kids and provide a diversion. If your friend doesn't have any reason to stay on base, maybe she would like to travel with you to California and visit with your family and friends. It would be a great get-away for both of you and you would build some fun memories with her.
Thank your husband for me for his bravery and committment to defend our country and preserve our freedoms! God Bless Him!!
2006-10-04 08:24:12 · answer #1 · answered by allheart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen dear... you need to take care of you and your family first and others last. It's good to be friends and all but is this friend always going to be there for you when you need help to babysit, to take care of your children?
You have two kids now and another on the way..... I will be jumping back to family while I can to help me with all these kids.
I know you feel loyalty to this new "best friend" of yours but really is she going to do the same for you if the situation were reversed?
I don't think any of us here can decide this for you. Think long and hard about it. What does your husband have to say about all this as well.
Better yet, since she is alone. Why don't you all talk about it and have her come to Cali with you in the meantime until her husband returns.
Good luck!
2006-10-04 15:20:35 · answer #2 · answered by Tayo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might need the support of your friends going through the same thing. My family was supportive but couldn't understand why it was sooo hard. I found living near wives going through the same thing helped me out. Does your husband have any suggestions? My husband and I knew our families would try to tell me what I should do and make it more stressful. I flew home a few times and that was good enough for us. In this time you need to rely on friends with the same experience. It is so hard. Be strong and don't sweat the small stuff. Good luck and God bless.
2006-10-05 11:00:02 · answer #3 · answered by katbeek 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you need to decide right now??
Why not see how you feel after January and after the new baby is born. See if your family can visit you. If your friends can offer you the support you need, stay. If you feel you truly do need your immediatey family near you, I'm sure both your friends and family will help you re-settle.
2006-10-04 15:15:53 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not too easy for two adults to live together;especially two opposite[i.e you are a mother & she is not yet].there might be nagging either from her concerning your kids or from your kids concerning her.all over your attention or distraction.secondly,this could lead to an unholy relationship since both husbands are away.thirdly,your values may differ and this would bring some problems.buuut,if you dont see these arising,then go on with the sweet idea of being there for her.you will be blessed for this kindnes.
2006-10-04 15:24:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
do what's best for you. if you feel you really need your family there then go to your family...or better yet if u want to be there for your friend ask your family to go to you. or maybe your friend can come w/ u when u see your fam?
2006-10-04 15:12:35 · answer #6 · answered by shabambam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever your husband decides is best...like a good military wife is supposed to.
2006-10-04 15:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by D.E.O.N. Sphinxxx 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
id go with joy's answer
2006-10-04 15:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by TraLo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋