can antone tell me a decent joke plz?

Answer 1

God looks down on the Earth and the mess man has made of it and decides enough is enough. He calls up Tony Blair, Vladamir Putin and George dubyah Bush. When they arrive he tells them,
'You are the most important men in the world. I have decided to destroy it tomorrow and start afresh. Go down and tell your people.'
When Tony gets back to Britain he tells everyone,
'I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a god. The bad new news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
Putin arrives in Russia and says,
'I've got some bad news and some even worse news. The bad news is there is a god - we've been wrong for years. The even worse news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
George rushes back to his office and tells everyone,
'I got some good news and some great news. The good news is there is a god. The great news is He thinks I'm one of the most important men in the world!'

Answer 2

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Answer 3

no - thanks for the points