While im not thin as a rail I am by no means huge. I have a pretty average weight for my height and my only problem is I am not toned. I am trying to get in the habit of going to the gym but sometimes time gets away from me. My problem is my bf. When we have sex or afterwards he will point out the little extra roll I have on the side or my "love handles". He also points out my stretch marks and I told him that even skinny women have those and when I say that he will tell me that the skinny women he has dated don't have those. Then he is always saying you need to work on your body baby. He is slender and well built and sometimes I just feel like I am not good enough for him. Its like why would someone like that even be with me? I try to laugh it off¬ be bothered by it but I cant help it. Sex is supposed to be an intimate time not a time when you point out your partners body flaws. I cant believe I was considering babies with him. What do I do? Work out more???? I'm trying
2006-10-04 07:46:02 · 25 answers · asked by Shannon83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You said it best: "Sex is supposed to be an intimate time, not a time when you point out your partner's body flaws." I am sorry to have to tell you this (because you should value yourself and have enough self-esteem to know this already), but you need to dump this guy ASAP and never go back. A man who truly loves you and cares for you will never judge you by your small love handles or any other perceived imperfection. Everyone has imperfections, but when you love someone those imperfections don't matter. Love does not include making you feel bad or embarrassed like that. Get rid of him because there are plenty of nice men out there who would never do such a crude and heartless thing. Do not ALLOW him to be in your life or to treat you that way. Aren't you worth better? If you don't answer yes, you need some serious self-esteem help!
2006-10-04 07:52:09 · answer #1 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok listen, and please trust me on this - you do not want to spend your life or have children with a man like this! Sex IS intimate and it is a time to appreciate and enjoy each others bodies. If he keeps finding fault - don't you think he always will? In other words, you can lose 20 pounds and work out every day - he'll still point out flaws, that's just the kind of person he is. He is looking for perfection, which means one thing - he is FAR from perfect! KEEP IN MIND, that when you have children, your body changes drastically - will he call you fat when your 9 months pregnant? Will he understand how a womans body shape changes after pregnancy? Probably not - he'll only criticize you - to the point that you will end up on anti-depressants trying to figure out "whats wrong with me!" IT'S NOT YOU! I know it hurts, the thought of ending a relationship always does. But honey, trust me, you will never be "good enough" in his eyes - men like him don't change. YOU need to BELIEVE that you are beautiful no matter what, and you WILL find another man who puts you on a pedestal and treats you like a queen. There are men out there that CHERISH their women - no matter what they're flaws are. Please, trust me on this one. I suffered the heart ache personally.
2006-10-04 14:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by Kristen G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
seee.. you are doing exactly what he wants you to do.
have sex with him.
what he is doing is lowering your self-esteem by saying these comments to you (and its working)
by lowering your self esteem he can guarentee that you will have sex with him any time he wants - after all no one else would ... right?
So... you have some thinking to do and a choice to make.
- do you just want this guy as an f-buddy? because thats all he really is - and thats how he sees you!
- do you want to tone up? if so then schedule the time in your day and don't let ANYTHING interfrear with it.
My suggestions:
- dump this guy. he is the worst kind of player
- schedule your day so you can go to the gym
- don't date for a few months.. work on yourself - body and esteem
- when you start dating again, go out with a lot of different guys (date casually you don't need a boyrfirend) and learn what they like and you like.
- after 6 months and you are now smokin hot dating around... drop this twit a line and just thank him for his help and tell him you are now having the time of your life!!!
2006-10-04 14:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by .... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the jerk.
You are in for a life of sadness and pain if you stick with a guy that talks like that. He may be desirable and you may feel the need to please him, but he is a taker and you won’t be happy staying with him. You shouldn’t have to work out or maintain a status to keep someone’s interest. Love is about loving someone whether they are fat, skinny or poor. Like I said, you will drive yourself crazy trying to please a guy like that. And even if you do get a sexy rock hard body, he probably still won’t be satisfied and will get on your case for something else. Guys with egos are like that.
My Dad talks like that to my Mom and I can see her shrink a little each time. He and I don’t talk to much anymore.
2006-10-04 15:01:25 · answer #4 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a taste of what marriage will be like with this man. do you really want to be criticized and put down every day of your married life??? get out now. he will not change and its only the beginning of the control issue he has. insecure men like to make their partners feel more insecure than them so the can have some sort of worthiness. some sort of power. so the woman wont leave because she doesnt feel she is good enough for anyone but him. GET OUT NOW. there are plenty of men out there that will appreciate you for who you are, stretch marks and all. be patient and confident that you ARE worth it!
2006-10-04 15:09:08 · answer #5 · answered by deathwishpussy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can lose 150 pounds in a matter of minutes: Dump him.
I don't think he'll be a loving, kind man if you get sick or become pregnant. He sounds extremely insecure putting your down makes him feel like a bigshot. Your problem isn't your boyfriend- your boyfriend is the problem.
He's a jerk. Find a kind, loving, sincere, warm-hearted man and let this one go cause some other girl anorexia.
2006-10-04 14:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hun, if a guy is doing that to you then it's time to look for a man that would appreciate how your body looks not pointing things that are not perfect. Skinny girls have stretch marks, I’m skinny and I have them.
2006-10-04 19:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by Questions 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you, he will love all of you!!! Have you told him that you do not like what he says to you? Try that, and if it don't work , Just do what your heart says. Good luck!! I am over weight, and when I met my husband I was 145 and very fit!! When we got married I was 185 and well you guessed it fat!!! My husband never comments on my weight until I get down about it and his response is " honey I love you anyway "
2006-10-04 15:12:11 · answer #8 · answered by luvmykids2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need a new boyfriend. It doesn't matter if you weigh 100 pds or 800 pds. it is not his place to point out your flaws. If your body doesn't meet his requirements that is fine, but maybe his "member" doesn't meet yours. If you want to work out for yourself, fine. Otherwise, tell him to take a hike and move on with your life.
2006-10-04 15:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you dont have to do nothing other than dump that bastard, he is so mean how is he gonna tell you that? you feel that you are not good enough cuz he is always telling you things and that is not right thats how he met you why is he trying to change you now? i think you deserve better and the best thing to do is to let your boyfriend go, you dont deserve to be treated like that he cant be comparing you with the other girls he dated, no no no no no, let him go hun, for real you can do better than that.
2006-10-04 14:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by its_me 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋