Got jokes? I mean r u funny?

Question

well this might sound weird but all my friends r funny ,but i'm not! and i want 2 make them lol 2..........don't make fun of me........but can you tell me some jokes?

Answer 1

Go to the Yahoo Answers jokes section and just read some of those.


there were three nuns sitting at a cafe and the
first nun says guess what i found in the preachers bedroom.
playboy magazines!
the second nun says what did u do with them?
the first nun says i burned them...
the second nun says thats nothing, i found condoms in his room.
the first nun says well what did u do with them?
the second nun says i poked wholes in them all,
the third nun passes out.

Answer 2

PADDY AND HIS HOLIDAY:

Paddy won a lot of money on the pools, and decided to have the holiday of his life and go on a world cruise. He arrived in Southampton and boarded the cruise liner. It was beautiful with all facilities on board. On the first night of the voyage, after a fine meal and a few drinks, he went to the cabaret show. There, a ventriloquist was performing and after a while he began to tell Irish jokes. Paddy stood up and shouted -’You listen here, I didn’t pay a lot of good money to come here and be insulted’. ‘I must apologise sir, no offence was intended I can assure you’ said the ventriloquist. ‘You keep out of this’ answered Paddy ‘I’m talking to that little bastard on your lap’.
Later, a magician began to perform his act. After each trick, Paddy would stand up and shout ‘I saw you, you took the flowers from up your right sleeve’ or ‘I saw you take the cards from behind your collar’ and other such things. As this was going on, an emergency had arisen in the boiler room and suddenly the ship shuddered under the strain of a great explosion. It was blown to bits. As luck would have it, Paddy ended up on one end of a piece of timber with the magician on the other end. Paddy sat and stared without speaking. Hours went by but still he did not speak. After about eight hours, at last he did - he said to the magician ‘All right, I give up, what did you do with the f---en ship’
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PADDY AND PETER MAKING THE HAY:

Paddy and Peter were making the hay in a field next to a main road in Ireland. When finished, they got up onto the horse and cart and without looking, Paddy drove straight out onto the road. A coach full of German tourists was coming down the road at about 80 miles an hour. The driver must have seen what was going on, braked hard, went into a skid, drove through the hedge and into the field. He hit a few hat-cocks then crashed back through the hedge and away into the distance. Meanwhile, back on the horse and cart Peter said to Paddy ‘Be Jazus Paddy, we just got out of that f---en field in time’
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PADDY AND HIS DONKEY AND CART:

Paddy was using his donkey and cart to take the vegetables to market when he came to a low railway arch. The donkey’s ears hit the masonry and he refused to pass under it. After several unsuccessful attempts, Paddy got out a hammer and chisel and began chipping away at the brickwork. A few minutes later, his friend Peter arrived and asked what was happening. ‘His ears keep hitting the bridge so he refuses to go under, I’m making room for this ears’ said Paddy. ‘But look’ said Peter, the ground is soft, why don’t you make little trenches, it would be a lot easier. ‘Will you piss off and mind your own f---en business’ said Paddy ‘it’s his ears that’s too long, not his f---en legs’.
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Answer 3

Ok first of all you dont have to prove anything to your friends !! You probably are funny, you just dont know it !! Heres some help with jokes though !!

Answer 4

A wife asks her husband to fix the sink. He says "What do I look like a plumber?" She asks him to fix a light switch and he says "What do I look like, an electrician?"
The husband comes home from work and the sink and light switch are fixed, he asked how she got them fixed. She said she called a plumber and a electrician. "They said I could either have sex with them or bake them a pie." The husband asked what kind of pie she baked and the wife said,, "What do I look like a baker?" HAHA

Answer 5

no longer the funniest interior the international, yet gorgeous. My boss informed me this one the different day: a guy walks into the unemployment place of work, as a lot because the counter and says "i quite hate having to come back the following, I favor I did't ought to, i'd quite have a interest and earn my money." the girl behind the counter replies "nicely curiously to be your fortunate day. an fairly rich guy change into in in the previous today searching for someone to assist him mutually with his daughter. She's 21 years previous, wealthy, and eye-catching. the guy needs a mushy guy to stress her anyplace she needs to pass, pass on journeys with her even as she needs to. Take her procuring, and out to dinner. supply her even if she asks for. He desires to cater to her desires. even as she asks for sex, he ought to furnish it. In go back the more youthful guy will recieve a 7 mattress room 7 bathing room domicile, a clean lexus, and $2000 per week." the guy says, "you're kidding me?" To which the unemployment worker replies, "nicely, you all started it!"

Answer 6

well......what i have learnt from my experiences is that you don't actually need to know jokes to be humorous.....
just be in a happy mood an pick up things from ur surroundings.....

but even then if you wanna know some jokes.....search for santa banta jokes at google (dey r a bit indian flavoured)......

Answer 7

a man goes home and finds his wife in bed with a midget , he says i thought you said you weren't going to be unfaithful again his wife said well I'm cutting down aren't a