I am an adult "baby of the family" with 6 big brothers and sisters. I have read in birth order books that that is why I married a first born male and most of my friends are first borns. However, at 30, I am growing tired of always being on the receiving end of lectures, criticisms and watchdogs. These are behaviors I would never exhibit to another person, as I feel insulted when they are shown to me. What can I do to be a more commanding person so people take me more seriously and respectfully?
2006-10-04 06:51:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
To clarify...I read the book several years after I was married. I did not form any of my relationships based on the book. The book came after the fact and opened my eyes to the trend I had set forth in most of my relationships...that I relate better to those who are older than me and treat me like a younger sibling. I am trying to break whatever behaviors I do that may perpetuate this cycle. Some of you should reread the question before you go calling anyone an idiot.
2006-10-04 07:06:39 · update #1
I am the oldest in ym family and I have also read the Birth Orders books. (Leman right?) I think some things can be chalked up to how we were nurtured in our birth orders but not everything. First things first, your friends should know that although you appreciate their advice you don't always ask for it or need it, and they are not your siblings. Thus, they should be friends with you, sharing in your sorrows and triumphs. Second, if you want to be a more commanding person then begin by taking charge. Small steps first. Volunteer to head something up, or begin giving your friends advice in turn, or be the decision maker. Your birth order is only how you were nurtured, I am more than just a first born. There are so many other things about me and about you. Be yourself.
2006-10-04 07:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by Venus M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are probably lectured by your siblings because you are the baby. It's not just the way you act and they what you do, it's their perception of you. They will always think of you as the baby. Thy have been looking out for you all their lives. Trust me, I know, I am the baby. You can tell them that you are an adult now and while you love them and understand that they mean well, it's time to let you go it alone. It will take time but eventually they will look at you as an adult. I almost married a first born too, and my best friend is a first born! That's funny...makes sense though. Another thing ( and I don't want to come off condescending on this) but to an extent you have to accept your place in the family. Especially when it comes to the habits and behaviors of the "youngest child". Good luck....and always remember how good it was being the "baby"' as a kid! LOL
* and for the record, I understood the question the first time I read it ( obviously you read the book after)
2006-10-04 07:13:15 · answer #2 · answered by ~mj~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of people in the world who think they have the right to tell everyone else how to live -- it may not have anything to do with your being "the baby."
(I haven't read any books on birth order, though I'm inclined to think both that it probably IS one piece of "why we are what we are" but that it isn't the whole story or insurmountable.)
One thing to do would be to seek out the friendship of people around you who don't lecture others.
The other thing would be to politely discourage the lecturers you have now in your life.
I'd suggest your next readings should be the works of Miss Manners, as she often addresses how to stop the lectures, or at least register to the lecturers that you want them to knock it off (politely).
One principle is that you don't owe others (except in some circumstances your husband) explanations for your decisions, and that you cut off such discussions.
Don't argue back; that only encourages them.
"I've made my decision. I have my reasons, and I don't care to discuss it." followed by a change of subject.
Or simply thank the person for the advice and change the subject. (Thanking doesn't mean you're saying you're going to FOLLOW the advice.)
Sometimes a "I'm sorry you don't approve of how I live my life, but this is how I am; I'm doing the best I can." (Again, with change of subject.)
These are just a few things off the top of my head. As I say, Miss Manners has tons of good advice on this topic sprinkled throughout her books, which I highly recommend.
Some of your current friends will come to accept that the lecturing is not welcome; others will not. You can then decide which of your friends are those you can discuss things with, when you want, and who to begin to close out of your life.
Remember, you don't owe explanations, and people who aren't directly affected by your decisions have no right to criticize them. (Even though hardly anyone understands these ideas.)
2006-10-04 07:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The birth order thing is hogwash.
If you're being lectured a lot, there are a few explanations. Perhaps these are instances of normal advice one friend shares with another, but you are over-sensitive to it and consider it a "lecture". Perhaps your personality tends to be attracted to people who do lecture a lot. Perhaps you sometimes tend to take risks most people do not, so you're opening yourself up to more comments by your behavior?
People who give advice are one of two catagories: people who love you and care and people who have comments about *everyone*. You need to decide if the people are one or the other. If it's out of love they make these comments, maybe it's not so bad? And if the criticizing person makes comments about everyone, they're not disrespecing *you*... they're just being themselves.
2006-10-04 07:04:37 · answer #4 · answered by Funchy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the only way is to mentally, emotionally and bodily push your self. there is not any secret code to getting over somebody. and all of us handles it of their own way. confident your babies will choose a father in some unspecified time sooner or later yet while he's treating you so badly what makes you think of he will deal with your babies any diverse down the line. he isn't a good guy. absolutely everyone can see that. this is incredible which you have been in a position to realize there's a difficulty and now you will basically could stick to with the aid of with your determination to stay away. this is going to be complicated and you may even attain an all new low in spite of the undeniable fact that it must be performed. the two for you and your babies. They have already got a jerk of a father and don't choose a mom hurting them besides. So in case you may not do it for you do it for them. playstation - putting around him will basically make different adult males think of you're no longer attainable. you're alluring and that i promise there's a guy accessible for you who will cope with you precise. in view which you're nicely worth it.
2016-10-18 11:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you lecture them? Let them know how it makes feel you!! If the care for you, they'll stop. If the continue, when they start, walk away!!!
2006-10-04 06:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by alfonso 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In order to break it you have to have a brain, and it's obvious that you don't because you're following the advice of those stupid books!
2006-10-04 06:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by Demon Doll 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
make your own decisions. you got married according to a birth order book? wow.
2006-10-04 06:53:38 · answer #8 · answered by jaensor 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋