Freaking out about kids?

Question

My wife and I, both 31 yrs old, are freaking out about the idea of having a baby. But we also fear about one day regreting not having any... But who wants to have a baby just because you fear you might regret? ... follow my drift here?! we're very lost. Anybody can help w/ advise? (I should mention that we are both immigrants in USA, with no family base around us...)

Answer 1

Well, I dont know your whole position...but here are my thoughts. I never wanted to have kids. I thought that this world was too messed up and that I wanted to have a strong career unlike any women in my family and just there were so many kids out there, why have another? So, I got pregnant on accident. I didnt know what to do. I was scared and single (which is worse than your case) and didnt know what to do. Abortion wasn't an option for me and I thought about adoption, but couldn't do it. Well, my daughter is a year old now. (And I ended up marrying her daddy). But she is the center of my world. My life, my world, my everything. Her smile is more than a million dollars to me. How scared I was and the pain it was having her.....is all forgotton. Kids are miracles! The best thing that could happen in anyone's life. I would say have at least one. It is scarey and money gets tight sometimes and I am tired from waking up to comfort her, but in the end I would die for her, and to me, knowing that kind of love is the most precious thing in the world. Nothing compares!

Answer 2

I know where you are coming from. My husband and I were the same way. I turned 30 and started getting nervous too. Should we? shouldnt we? Back and forth. Everyone keeps saying you have a lot of time to decided, but it is amazing how quickly time slips by. We decided having a family would be a good thing. At that age we were financially stable with house paid for and I would be able to stay home with our children. I had my first at 32 and am due any minute with baby 2. I will say I feel this pregnancy (a few days shy of my 35th birthday) has been more difficult and I feel old this time around. I know everyone is different, my sister in law felt so young and alive when she was pregnant with twins at 50? I am so happy I decided to have a family and my daughter brings me great joy. I know it will be hard rasing kids with no family around to help you, but you will figure it out. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

You are young enough to wait and see if you decide you want to have kids. If the idea of having a child freaks you out, don't have a child. Maybe you could consider being a foster parent, so you can see what it would be like to have children in the house. Don't have children just because you think you might regret not having them, what happens if you end up regretting having the kids? You can't send them back! I was abused as a child, and I hate the thought of another child being in a situation where they are not wanted.

Answer 4

If you have a child here in the US, that would make u grounded because the child will be considered a citizen. And having a child will make you a family, not just a couple. When you two are both ready to become a family, then you should consider having a child. Since you both are 31 you have enough time. I think after 35 or so you should start worrying because after that age it gets harder and harder for you to concieve. Just give it some time, and when you two are ready, then you should plan on making a family.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I was in a similar boat like you. We live on an island without any family support. I am a diabetic and did not want any children. I fought with the decision for 5 years.My husband and I decided to leave it in the hand of God. I got pregnant. I had a really hard pregnancy and delivery. I love my daughter with all my heart. She is a whole lot of work but she is worth it. It takes the two of us to work it out. We give each other time alone with her so we can get time for ourselves.
Don't fool yourselves it's no bed of roses. Your life changes, but it will change for the better. This experience has brought us closer as a couple. So give it a try

Answer 6

You do not have to have a baby because you are 31! Plenty of women have successful pregnancies later in life..although they do say there is an increase of birth defects after 35. If you aren't 100% sure you want children now, then you should wait until you are!

Answer 7

Well, at least you get to choose. Our first came while I was still in college and I had to drop out and go to work. She is a lovely lady today with children of her own and what a blessing to her mother and me. Children are a great responsibility and require money and time. If you can work this into your schedule, wait no longer. But if you have any doubts, don't. I would hate to see another family have children they don't want, and have them take it out on the child. I hope you decide in favor of having children, they are a blessing.

Answer 8

My family was 900 miles away when I had my son. Hard work, communication and compromise are needed between you and your wife if it is just you 2.

Now, can you see yourself with a baby? Having to take him everywhere, staying home from work when he's sick, losing sleep because he has a belly ache? Can you handle having a baby cling to you because he loves you so much?? Think about it long and hard. Don't think about the future on this one...ask yourself are we ready now??

Answer 9

If you're both so unsure about having a baby, then don't have one.
You're only 31, it's quite ok to have babies in the middle 30's. So wait another year or two and see how you feel. Things change.
Maybe you'll be ready next year.

Answer 10

My advice to you is wait. At 31 years old, you still have alot of years to make the decision. Someday, if it's meant for you to have a child, you'll know it's the right time. But right now, it dosen't sound at all like you're ready.