I have been married for 14 years now. We are like roomates more than husband and wife though. We have kids and will stay together. She has simply lost her drive and I miss the closeness that is lost. This is as good as it gets and I want more. Beyond counciling that we have both tried. What would you do?
If there are others that just would like to share corrrespondance with me an informal married but lonely group you are welcome to.
I am male and in california.
2006-10-04 06:09:44 · 16 answers · asked by onlineseeker 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Additional details.
She had a very healthy drive before marrage and for a few years after. She knows it is now gone and hopes I can just deal with it. Yes, I bring flowers for no reason to to make her happy. Other than this we are fine. That is what makes this tough.
2006-10-04 06:17:35 · update #1
Take 2. I am not ready to throw marrage away. She is a very good mother and a good roomate. Something has happened. Her Dr. has prescribed medication for depression. That has helped a bit. I do not just toss someone aside because they not exactly what I want. That is cruel and selfish. I just miss the person she used to be. The starnge thing is she knows this has happened but is not neary as bothered by it as I am.
2006-10-04 06:21:46 · update #2
last detail. I do my share around the house and am very involved with the kids. She is a stay at home mom. I encourage her to golf while the kids are in school with her friends. I take an active interest in her needs. This is the one area that is causing me major heartache.
Ladies, if you think this is not important. I can tell you to think again.
2006-10-04 06:53:44 · update #3
You sound like you have lost your best friend. Have you? I couldn't stand my husband, and was asked that same question. as well as would you treat your best friend the way your are treating him. It made me look at my husband in a different light. Please one more try, stand back and look at her in a different light, and possibly you may be able to work this out. It would be a shame to throw away 14 years but at least you tried every thing. Best wishes
2006-10-04 06:17:42 · answer #1 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
onlineseeker:
I feel your pain, and I do not underestimate the devastating impact of the loss of sexual expression in a marriage. It is a soul-killer, and if you do not move quickly to completely resolve the issue, there will be lasting consequences to your marriage and your self-esteem.
In today's modern pharmaceutical-based society, all ills are diagnosed in a manner to be resolved by a pill. Low Libido, I constantly hear, and that may be true, but the origins are seldom hormonal in nature.
For a woman to give herself fully to a man, she must respect him at a deep level. This state of mind is a result of a lifetime of nurturing, protecting, and cherishing her dreams. When a woman shuts down in this manner, it speaks of a devastating blow to her esteem at your hands. Only you can answer the question of what that might be.
There is no easy solution. Leaving in order to express yourself sexually will not resolve the matter. You must learn the simple art of lifting up your mate and cherishing her, at the expense of your own needs. She, in return, will move heaven and earth to please you. Close the door on the past, and start today demonstrating in thought, word, and deed that she is the center of your life, the very reason for your existence. You will soon find the passion returning to your marriage.
Never underestimate the power of love!
2006-10-04 14:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by The Heart Doctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of things you could do to help her. And there isn't enough room here to really talk about it. If you want to talk more, email me.
However, the more you focus on sex the more she'll push away from it. Focus on affection, kissing, touching, without going further. Hold her hand when you're walking side by side.
There are ups and downs in a married - I know - been there and done that - with 27 years done so far. Shrug, email me if you would like.
2006-10-04 13:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help her with the load around the house and kids. Women just don't loose their drive just because unless it's a medical issue. You have to keep the fire burning and I don't mean just sex. after so many years of marriage it can be easy to fall into a routine. Go out for walks, dinner or a movie. Compliment her daily just like when you were dating. The same thing you did to get her is what you have to do to keep her.
2006-10-04 13:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by A B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a suggestion I have given to many couples and it has worked for a great many. The two of you make a list of ten things you would enjoy doing (sports, vacation, dinner, etc) together. Then, compare the list and the ones you would enjoy together, make time to do them. It just might spark an old flame again! (NO I am not a counselor, I just get asked a lot of questions from couples and people dating)
2006-10-04 13:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by Hammer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHY do men ALWAYS think with their D****? If all you want is SEX, why marry someone? Life is more than sex. Life with a partner is about facing the world and problems as a team. Knowing you can count on someone else to be there when you need them. Someone in your corner. Be more of a man and just be happy you found someone to stay with your sorry @** that long.
2006-10-04 13:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lori 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know it happend in marriages because ...speaking as a woman... we are really busy...work, home, things to do , places to be, kids and their schedules and their needs always get put before our spouses...
I know it is hard for you and it is a sad fact for us too cause we can only be pulled in so many directions at once
I know you are wondering where your girlfriend went... where the woman you married went........ Well she turned into somebodys mother
Hang on till the kids leave home and she will return to you..until then take her away for a weekend everyonce in awhile and give her time with you by yourselves for romance
2006-10-04 13:15:03 · answer #7 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you are in a marriage slump. So what? Quit your whinning and get yourself out of it. You make changes. You reach out to her. You be the husband you should be. Quit blaming her and do something about it yourself. You are using this as an excuse.
2006-10-04 13:14:33 · answer #8 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try Yahoo personals. Yes it is for people looking for romance and relationships. But it also has a place for just looking for friends.
2006-10-04 13:13:39 · answer #9 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man you need to get yourself a Harley,That will chear you up,She'll like it too, throw the prozac away***That stuff kills the Libido, read the tear sheet(sexual side effects)***Get her some climatique(www.climatique.org) Take her on a motorcycle ride,**Get her drunk if you have to**FU(K her brains out**.
2006-10-04 13:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by Hammer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋