It's an awful question...but I know of someone who is in a bind like that, and I wonder what I would say to him since he seems so unhappy with his mate of 15 years and his mate seems quite unhappy with him too, their relationship is cold and bitter and distant, and they are just going through the motions while the otehr mate who is healthy plays around on the side without the other one's knowledge. They don't even share the same bed either.
Should he stay or should he leave him?
What do you think?
2006-10-04 05:25:15 · 17 answers · asked by Middy S 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I would out be out of there! Of course, their relationship may just appear to be loveless from the outside looking in. Have you considered that the disabled person may be in such bad health that his mate may be so overwhelmed with taking care of his health needs that he is unknowingly neglecting his emotional needs? They may both appear unhappy due to ones poor health, but there may still be love there. Counseling may be in order. Nevertheless, if everything is truly as you've described, I'd be out the door! Life is too short to be miserable!
2006-10-11 06:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by Speedo Inspector 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sharing the same bed has little to nothing to do with anything. I have a couple of friends who have been together for 12yrs but they sleep in seperate rooms. It's just what works best for them. One snores really loudly and of course he's the one to fall asleep first, leaving the other one not being able to sleep.
So, seperate rooms works out just fine.
But what does matter is the state of the relationship on the whole. It seems very unhealthy for either of them. They both need to move on with their lives. Staying in an unhealthy relationship only makes matters worse.
I don't know the paticulars of the situation, but it would appear that it's not doing either of them any good.
Loveless relationships take a terrible toll on both parties.
Just as you've mentioned, one is emotionally gone from the relationship while the other is physically needy.
They really need to seperate and move on.
2006-10-04 12:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not know what is going on in the relationship. The only ones that do are the ones in it. If the healthy one leaves the sick one may not survive or may have a worse time of it. perhaps they stay out of the memories they share of the love they once had. Maybe they stay because they have a commitment that they can not throw away just be cause of illness. Perhaps they stay because despite what you see on the surface they really do love each other. May be it is not the kind of love that would make you stay but it is not for you to judge.
2006-10-04 14:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like they are both getting something out of the relationship. If the healthy one is abusing the sickly one, the answer is easy. And generally, mostly if you are unhappy, you should either fix the situation or get out. Life is too short to be unhappy.
In this case though, I think it would depend on what the other options are. Is the sickly one capable of financially managing living on his own, and get someone to help him with whatever the healthy one does for him? If he isn't, he should certainly be working on it so that he can make sure his options are open. Is there anyone else who is willing to help him?
2006-10-04 12:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by Don't Know 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why is this even a question? Isn't it obvious that he should leave? Why would you stay in a loveless, cold relationship with a bitter mate who betrays you?
2006-10-04 12:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the partner is staying around and taking care of your sickly friend, the relationship is not loveless and you should mind your own business.
2006-10-05 02:03:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of great answers so far but mostly agree with "Don't know".
Know a gal that had a great relationship going then she came down with MS. Her partner disappeared faster then a lighting strike. I have had very few dealings with type of problem so can only agree with others. Sorry
2006-10-04 12:39:02 · answer #7 · answered by dragon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are probably so acustomed to their life. Change is scarey even a change for the better. Of course they should go their seperate ways. Maybe the finances are keeping them in the same home?
2006-10-04 13:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, he should leave him.
There is physical illness, and there is spiritual and emotional illness, and they *are* related. His relationship cannot be helping him physically. (I'm not saying it is the *cause* -- I don't know what exactly "disabled and sickly" entails in his case.) But if you have challenges, your spouse is supposed to support and care for you, not be cold and distant.
2006-10-04 12:30:04 · answer #9 · answered by Chickyn in a Handbasket 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE. Disabled and sickly's bad enough without having to live with that.
That said, if he's not able to work, it could be very hard. He's going to need help, and know how to get in touch with help, too.
2006-10-04 12:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋