This is HORRIBLY emotional for me. I am considering separation frommy husband of 8 years. we have 2 children and he has a 9 year old. I've been in my step-daughers life her ENTIRE life as my husband was my best friend before we were married. I love her as if she were my own flesh and blood.
However, if we separated I would have no legal right to request visitation. He has joint custody with her mother.
Neither party would keep me from seeing her, I know, but I feel as though I'm staying in this relationship soley for her sake. How unfair it is for her to already to have a split home, and I am making it even more difficult.
2006-10-04 05:19:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you have to weigh how bad your marriage is, versus how good your family is as a whole.
Your children are likewise going to get split from the older sibling they've always known.
If your marriage is tolerable - perhaps not passionate or remarkable - then consider staying in it for 9 more years.
At that time, the oldest child will be 18 and off to college. You've preserved your relationship with her, your kids' relationship with her, and protected her from managing THREE homes (most kids of divorce only have to deal with two homes).
Good luck.
www.CustodyIQ.com
2006-10-04 06:04:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sympathies for what you are going through any seperation is difficult and when children are involved it is doubly so.
The way I see these situations is if you stayed together would it be better for the children, unfortunately children are astute at picking up vibes round the house so probably feel the tension between you and you partner. If you already know that visitation is possible then the outlook is not totally bleak. Staying in a relationship because of the children is wrong, regardless of what people say. Happy parents make happy children whether they are together or not. Stay strong, by seperating you are not damaging your children just remain sensible for their sake, and be honest as necessary.
good luck
2006-10-04 05:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by boudicea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of this.... but have you tried to make it work. Have you tried seeing a therapist? If he was your best friend before marriage then there has to be a deep love between you two. But if that is not the case, then staying with your husband just for the child is wrong. If you two are very unhappy and fight a lot the kids might be happier when you separate. No matter what happens let your step-daughter know you love her and its not her fault, as well as your other children.
2006-10-04 05:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are wanting to leave your husband of 8 yrs. I don't know your reasons behind this, but I would say that she is really going to have a hard emotional time with this, and she is not going to be able to understand at all. She is going to be very angry with you. She has come to know stability with you and her father, but now she is going to feel lost and unwanted and feel like her daddy was betrayed. She may even blame herself for you not wanting to be with them. If I were you, I would really *think* about why you want to break up your home. You don't have just you and him to think about. And your step daughter is not the only child involved............. she is just the oldest. If you are not being abused by your husband in any way, and you just feel as though your love isn't there for him anymore, then maybe you should find out why, and try to reconnect with him. Good men are hard to find today. If you have one, I would hang on to him. As for your step daughter, she has two siblings with you, so when you and daddy do your visitations with your children, perhaps she can be apart of that. Perhaps she can come stay with you a couple of weekends out of each month to visit with you and her siblings. Blessed be.
2006-10-04 05:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
As emotional as it is for you i am sure it is for all parties involved in this situation.
My opinion is that you owe it to yourself to be happy...I understand there are children involved and i am not a fan of divorce but if you feel like you exhausted all the ways in which you can make the marriage work and be happy next to the man that you called husband for 8 years than maybe it is time to accept the looses and try to move on...
Kids have a way of feeling guilty about everything that goes wrong in a marriage...but you can definitely try to explain what is happening and make the transition easier for them.
I of course do not know the dynamic of the relationships in your family so all i can do is guess.
But before you make the decision to walk away , you might want to try couples counseling, relationship coaching or just talking to your husband and try to work things out . ( I am sure you already tried that one).
If you decide to walk out understand that it will be more than hard and you might get depressed and lonely and question your decision but you have to be categorical in your decision.
Help is aways within your reach all you have to do is to grab it.
Best of luck o you and i hope this helps.
2006-10-04 05:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by ilfecoach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a very difficult situation that your in, I too feel sorry for the little girl, but you have your own children to think about also. If your in a bad place, the kids know that, you can not hide the fact that your unhappy. My suggestion to you, get your divorce and try to maintain as much of a connection as possible with the little girl. Hopefully her dad will not bring in a new woman into her life, but most likely it will happen soon. Good luck to you.
2006-10-04 05:26:29 · answer #6 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is unfair but life isn't always fair to any one grownups or kids if you are unhappy don't you think she is old enough to pick up on these vibes,if all involved agreed that you are able to see the child then be grate full for that and don't ask for more problems see how she will adjust to that arrangement first before you dismiss the ideal.
2006-10-04 05:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate, however, its not your fault that she was in a broken home before. Maybe you should have realized this before you married him. Its not in anyones best interest for you to stay if you arent happy together.
2006-10-04 05:31:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's an awful thing to have to go through! Not sure what to tell you except for good luck and hope it all works out well.
2006-10-04 05:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DYSFUNCTIONAL.
2006-10-04 05:23:10 · answer #10 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋