my boyfriend was abused alot as a child he was hit till he bled and his mothers husband would lock him in the closet...what kind of affect does this have on his relationships he has with a woman (dating,engagement, marriage) and has anyone dealt with this sort of situation. I am wondering that because he was abused that he may be capable of abusing myself or our child when i become ready to have one.
2006-10-04 05:09:29 · 13 answers · asked by Jennifer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some abused children will become abusers themselves, but not all. It was important for him to let you know that he was abused, he has let you in on something that maybe hard for anyone to talk about. Take it one day at a time. If he is willing, support him in going to a counselor to work out these issues. I went to a therapist for the abuse I received, but was taken away from my therapist when we were taken away from my parents- well my parents regain custody of us and I was never to go back to my therapist. I still have a lot of unresolved issues, but now I started talking to peers- anyone who will listen is a great help for anyone who was abused. I know my limits as I state that I will not have a baby alone-I can't deal with a screaming child over nothing for long-It drives on my nerves, but I will not stay in a relationship that is abusive either-I might stay until my child is 2, but after that.
2006-10-04 05:29:19 · answer #1 · answered by BB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was abused as a child also, physically and sexually. I have two children and would never dream of subjecting them to anything I suffered. The only thing is, that in a relationship I am very insecure, I have a great partner though who listens to my rantings and allows me to express myself and is always there for me.
As far as your boyfriend is concerned, if he is showing signs that he has violent tendencies then unfortunately unless he seeks guiddance he will most probably repeat the pattern that he suffered as a child. This doesn't mean the situation is bleak most people that come from dreadful childhoods do NOT want to repeat that pattern and will do anything to de-program themselves. It is lucky that he has a girlfriend as sensible as you. Remember do not stay with him for pity, if you are worried seek help or if you can't help walk away. It is hard work and I know some days are a uphill struggle, if you see a future then together you can work through problems if you don't then walk away guilt free.
2006-10-04 05:26:09 · answer #2 · answered by boudicea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was horribly abused and have never felt an inkling to do that to my kids or anyone else. It was from my stepfather, and he was abused as a child.
The only thing I am aware of how it effected me is I have a huge trust issue with women.
My mother allowed me to be hurt and this keeps me from trusting ANY woman.
But don't think he will abuse just because he was abused.
2006-10-04 06:28:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible, abused children become the abusers. He should go to therapy to prevent this, also to just deal with what happened to him back then. It will probably help him feel better about it.
2006-10-04 05:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by ~Lacey~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I knew someone once who had that same history as a child. He was quiet, very into himself, and seemed to be able to block out emotions very easily. I guess that was the defense mechanism he developed in order to cope with what happened to him as a child. I think it's difficult for them to grow up to be emotionally stable adults. That's just my opinion. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know for sure. I'm just telling you about someone I knew once.
2006-10-04 05:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CAN she be charged? Technically, confident. yet this by no potential happens. the mummy many times claims that she develop into "afraid" to intrude and prosecutors frequently do no longer roll the cube on how sympathetic the mummy would be in front of a jury. the same old technique is to prosecute the abuser and take the youngsters out of the care, custody and administration of the "be certain" who did no longer shelter the youngsters.
2016-10-01 22:27:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was abused myself as a child. Please try to get help for him if you feel he needs it because that can really effect your life even as an adult. Be there for him also and let him know you love him and care very much about him.
2006-10-04 05:13:32 · answer #7 · answered by missinnh05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sounds like my mother,, he has to understand that those things happened in the past and only he has the power to control what he does, if he chooses to let the past haunt him then it will effect his future, i decided long ago that it was the past, a horrible one yes but it is still in the past and that i control my own actions today and in the future,, we cant alter our past, and i never once said i forgive my mother, i dont need to because i give myself peace through the kindness i do for others, i hope he finds the peace he needs to be strong and a good man,, i wish you joy
2006-10-04 05:16:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go to counseling. The same thing happened to me except sexual with a step dad and the counseling has helped me to live my life better. It's hard to say how this will affect him. He might keep it in himself and be fine or he might snap eventually.
2006-10-04 05:14:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can go either way. he probably will hit, if he hasn't dealt with his past or may not lay a finger on anyone from that tramatic experience.
2006-10-04 05:12:29 · answer #10 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋