i just found out that 2 1/2 years ago when me and my husband seperated due to his meth use he slept one time with this girl who i really don't like. he left me with our 1 year old to go do whatever he wanted. we made up we started new and i told him that i was with someone whe we were apart for 6 months and he had ample opportunity to tell me the truth but he lied this entire time. things have been great between us since we got back together but i had asked him before if he used with her or screwed her and he said no everytime and would hold it over my head that i "cheated" while we were apart. i can't stop thinking of him being with her, how can i get over this? i feel totaly betrayed and hurt.
2006-10-04 04:53:17 · 9 answers · asked by jcleary555 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well if he had been honest in the first place 2 1/2 years ago, we defenitely wouldn't be fighting about how he lied to me for almost 3 years
2006-10-04 06:28:19 · update #1
It will take time...... Go get some couselling and it will help you get over the hurt and everything else. Please talk to someone and they will get you some advice about what to do. It really helps! believe me, I go when I have problems.
2006-10-04 05:01:08 · answer #1 · answered by cruelgirl6915 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First. You found out, was your source accurate or did they have an agenda. If you are sure I think the reason you are still feeling so strongly about it is because you didn't like the girl he slept with so it's personal. You have to ask yourself if what you two have recently found together is worth hanging on to. Then you need to call him on his false self righteous trip. Men are always unable to cope when a woman does the same thing they do. Some of them think its normal to cheat. Blame our double standard society. Boy's will be boys s**t. Some of us women know better so we demand better. But remember it was 2yrs ago. And every wound takes time to heal. You are a family, separation should be last resort. The last two years have been good, this is just another bump in the road. Work it out.
Think of her this way. He used her for a night while you two were apart. He came back home to you. She's the one who should feel weird to think she couldn't hold him away from you. Smart men (well as smart as they get anyway) usually come back when they recognise a good thing.
2006-10-04 05:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one is tough, I do not know how to tell you to get over it. If you have not yet, please do, tell your husband just how much he hurt you. Not only in the lies, but in the fact that he held 'over your head' the information that you 'cheated'. BMO -- if you were apart, and did not think that you were getting back together, NOT CHEATING....
Look at it this way, at least you were honest with him, he was not with you. I would have a bigger problem with that than the fact that he slept with someone else.
Again, and this does not always work, talk, yell, scream, at him.... Take your hurt and let him know what he has done to you.... Just be sure that you do not frighten the child.
2006-10-04 05:05:45 · answer #3 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me that he has made attempts to change his life. If this is true and he is back with you doing what he needs to do. I would ask you what does it really matter? This was in the past and you also got involved with someone else. I agree with you that he should have been honest, however he might have thought that you would not want to work things out. It almost sounds like it is not about that he cheated but who he cheated with. That makes me wonder why? I would advise you if this man has truly changed, cleaned up is act and is no longer using drugs you should forget the past and just look forward.
2006-10-04 05:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you expect him to get over what you did? The answer to that question is the same answer to your question. You both did what you felt you needed to do, at a time in your life, when you needed what you did to realize what was more important to you in life. And so, was what you each did really a bad thing, if it caused you to return to each other, all the stronger?
He lied to you to conceal his own guilt, and this is not right. Thus you do have the right/choice to feel upset, but in the same sense, you also have the right/choice to not feel upset. Which choice makes you feel better; for it truly is but a choice? Choose wisely, and you will find peace of mind.
2006-10-04 05:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in a way I can understand that you feel this way, but. You were with someone else too, and you were seperated, right? What right do you really have to ask to start with? No excuse for him in anyway and he should have admitted it. But you also have to be honest about how you would have acted if he was honest with you. Many people will say they want truth, but show they cant handle it well.
2006-10-04 05:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u said u had another partner when u guys were broke up, then that means u guys are even regardless of who this other woman is that he slept w/. ive been in the same situation, let alone the guy was my coworker. i still hate him till this day and i didnt think he would do me like that cause he was considered a friend of mine. but hey, he got what he deserved.
2006-10-04 05:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by wizzpack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have ammo on him too and the one thing he does not want you to do is use it against him. He needs to knock that **** off and act like a man wanting to rebuild this relationship into something positive. If he cannot do that, let him know you're not wasting time on this.
2006-10-04 05:02:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That feeling is not going to go away... Just leave him if you aren't happy! Once a cheater always a cheater hun...
2006-10-04 05:59:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋