I always get so frustrated with the people I think are my friends. I will do ANYTHING to help a friend out. I've risked losing jobs, I've given money, whatever. . . but do they do that? No. I realize everyone is different. It's just so frustrating. I don't reach out often, but recently I did and got nothing. Just a little text message saying "Maybe next week". What?! Shouldn't they see it's important that I'm in a time of need? Are they being selfish? Am I? I'm so confused! Should I just chill?
2006-10-04 04:37:29 · 18 answers · asked by Amy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Stop being so convenient or available for them and maybe they will wake up and realize you have feelings too.
2006-10-04 04:42:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've got a 'friend' who is similar to your so-called friends. I write long emails (I place great importance in my emails) and go with her to places she needs to go, etc. It is really hurtful to get a one-paragraph email from my friend when I've written a one-hundred-paragrah one.
What I've learned from analysing my dilemma is that you can't expect people to value things the same way as you do. Everyone places different value on everything. The message "maybe next week" is another way of saying I have something more important to do and that the outing that you're planning does not rate very high on my list.
It could also mean that they're lousy friends who don't understand you, but you still have to remember that whenever you pledge yourself to do anything for a person that you would do so without any expectation of a reward. Otherwise, say no whenever they ask for help. You could talk to them about this issue if it really bugs you and their response would further help you decide whether they're real friends or not.
I used to think of my 'friend' as a real friend, but that has not been the case for a couple of years now. She is nice and friendly but I realise that I need someone who understands me. It's all down to what you want.
2006-10-04 05:21:08 · answer #2 · answered by yellowscissors 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I no what you mean. I feel like that alot with certain friends. I think what that means is you have a bigger heart and not selfish. Some friends can be so self observed that they don't even know it. Just keep on being a good friend because that is you. Try not to let other people bother you. What I say if i have to figure someone out, its not worth it.
2006-10-04 04:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by browndog513 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
:) yes...just chill. VERY good advice.
the thing is, u are offering something that is extremely wonderful, yet extremely unappreciated. therefore, instead of forcing it ONTO people, just be there when they need. but focus on Yourself, and your life. keep Positive, Healthy and Happy people around you, and filter out the negatives. so the ones who don't show good friendship, u don't have to really worry about. prove that You are accountable, and in turn, look for other people who Prove THEY are also accountable. don't keep giving and giving and then Expecting something back. either give and assume u won't get much back, or don't give so much that u are compromising urself.
good luck, keep up the positivity and good attitude, helpful in nature. but don't Force it on others, ur pretty much allowing those friends to continue their behavior if u Stay their friend. think of it this way; u helped them, u were there for them. they can either appreciate it or not. if they don't, u don't have to be there for them as much. but if they DO, then u can continue to be there for them.
:)
2006-10-04 04:41:29 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this exact situation. You have to realize that the people that are doing this are not really your friends. I had a hard time realizing that these people used me and then when they got what they wanted they were no where to be found. I now only surround myself with people I know I can count on. Good Luck!
2006-10-04 04:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not being selfish. I've always had that problem too. You just have to be a good judge of character. Some people, you can tell right off the bat, they are all about themselves. Then there are the few that are good and giving people.
2006-10-04 04:41:16 · answer #6 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is better to do for others, we unfortunately live in a world where most people only do for themselves. You shouldn't do things for your friends in hope of getting something back, but I completely understand how it is to be in need of their help and them not come through for you. I have a general rule of thumb that I go by now days: I will only help those who help themselves and those who are willing to help others. If a friendship seems a little one-sided then I back off a little. I want people around me that I can count on if I need it.
2006-10-04 04:43:57 · answer #7 · answered by heaven o 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Gift of A Friend
There are days when
bubbling from us comes
the innocent child within,
who giggles at the little things
and wears a silly grin.
There are days when
depression comes to visit for a while.
The mind feels tired, the body weak,
we have no strength for a simple smile.
There are days when joy abundant,
grabs a hold of you and me.
Wraps us up in all it’s splendor,
lifts us up and sets us free.
There are days when sorrow wraps us,
in it’s cloak of grief and fear.
Till our hearts ache to the breaking,
until our eyes can’t shed a tear.
There are days when love bestows us,
with its wonderment and light.
The beauty of its mystery,
its power and its mite.
And there are days when life rewards us,
and seems to make amends.
By granting us a marvelous gift,
the precious gift of you. ! My friend. !
By: Kenny P. aka, Cobra
2006-10-04 04:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give your friendships time to grow. Don't go falling all over yourself for people who won't appreciate your efforts. You'll just end up being or at least feeling used. Friendship is built on shared experiences and common ground and a good one is hard to find. If someone isn't interested in being your friend, it's their loss.
2006-10-04 04:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by Chocoholic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am just like you girl...I had to learn the hard way - as good as it seems to be nice to everyone you have to remember that everyone's different and not everyone is going to respond in the way you would like or the way you would if it were you. I also learned that people don't mean you well and not everyone wants to see you happy like how you want to see them happy. So choose your friends wisely and know who to be nice to from who not to be nice to. And hey don't try soo hard someone will see the good person that you are just because ur u!
2006-10-04 04:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by Miss Thang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that you help people. However, you can help too much. Some people will take advantage of you if they know you will drop everything and risk your job to help them. Stop delving out money so easily. Like I said, it is good to help people, but you have got to help yourself first. This way you will find out who your true friends are.
2006-10-04 04:42:42 · answer #11 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋