We have been together for 12 years and married for 6. I feel like we aren't on the same page and are moving so far away from each other emotionally. We hardly talk and hardly spend any time together. I mentioned counseling he said NO. The only way I can really talk to him without being emotional is to send him an e-mail. Help me I dont want the e-mail to be mean. I wanted to go away for a few days he complained about the money. Please help me.
2006-10-04 03:48:14 · 20 answers · asked by fungirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, you have to steady yourself and calm down. You won't be able to communicate him if you are constantly boiling over. Men really throw up the walls when that happens.
Secondly, find a counselor and schedule an appointment. Go to your first session, then pick a time when you and your husband have some quiet time and approach him like this:
1. I have something to say to you; but before I do, I want you to know how much I love you and how important our marriage is to me.
2. I've told you before that I'm very concerned about out marriage. We are moving apart from each other emotionally; we hardly talk or spend time together. The only way I feel that I can communicate with you is by email; we're husband and wife and should be able to communicate better.
3. I don't know how you feel about our marriage right now and it makes me very sad.
4. I know you don't want to go to a marriage counselor, but I don't know what else to do.
5. I really want to know what's on your mind and how you feel about us. In the meantime, I have had my first session with a counselor. I need help dealing with this situation.
6. I hope that we can find a way to make our marriage better, and that you'll be able to tell me how you feel about our marriage. In the meantime, the counseling is something I must do.
7. And again, I love you very much.
Continue to go to the counseling. At the very least, you'll find ways to deal with your marriage. Either he'll come around and try and help you save your relationship, or he won't and you'll have to make a decision about your future.
Whatever you do, don't put it off. No matter what the outcome, it can only get better from here; it will just take time and a little hard work.
2006-10-04 04:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the best thing for you to do! Start praying and go to Church! It will be amazing what happens. You need to put it in Gods hands. You need to go to Church and make yourself busy so your not always thinking about it. Then he will wonder why your not on his back all the time. Getting away is always great too. If you need help praying let me know.
PS Don't not take advise from a woman. I repeat!!! Do not take advise from a woman. Nothing against women, but they will give you all the wrong advise. Unless the woman has been married for over 30 years or so.
2006-10-04 05:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by Ronny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guy it is plenty to verify. He could experience accountable that he cant supply for you and perhaps depressed besides. i think of that in case you have performed all you're able to then it's time so you might head on. your place could be a place of peace and if he cant supply that then flow on. He desires a activity or some thing. He can get a working laptop or laptop activity. additionally, in case you comprehend he has a disease then don't be so complicated on your self. He perhaps dealing with plenty and does not think of which you already know him. you have a option to make...is it nicely well worth the soreness of scuffling with each and every of the time? or are you able to progression on from this? i think of which you will desire to take a seat without combat and communicate the type you experience such as you probably did on the comp. in case you cant try this then write him a letter. If he isn't keen to advance flow on. i wish this facilitates..good success
2016-10-18 11:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by briscoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no way you can make your husband get counseling with you if he doesn't feel there's a need. Even if you dragged him there he would just be resentful. Go yourself and see what the therapist recommends. At least you will have some peace of mind. And perhaps he will see that you are serious and would consent to go also? I wish you both all the luck.
2006-10-04 03:52:15 · answer #4 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your "vacation" would be cheaper than a divorce.
Seriously, you're gonna have to get hard-nosed. Find out what you provide him that he can't live without and withhold it until he is willing to hear you on what your needs are. It is his responsibility to meet your needs too. Sometimes husbands can't see the needs they aren't meeting when they are very comfortable. They aren't trying to be mean, they just aren't that insightful and sometimes have to be treated like children and puppies. To be trained with rewards for good behavior and removal of priveledges for bad. Of course, this attitude is assuming you are COMPLETELY in the right.
2006-10-04 03:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by jhvnmt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What i do is give him a ultimatium. If you don't shape up or seek counseling together as a couple then I will leave for good. I know that is not what you want to do but maybe that will get the ball rolling. I know exactly how you feel been there done that.
2006-10-04 04:00:11 · answer #6 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suppose you can try sending the email and see where it takes you. But if he's not listening, the only result is going to be that you may feel better for writing it. If you need to get away, then I say do it. Get your head and emotions in tact, and do whatever you feel necessary to preserve your own sanity. Your email doesnt need to be mean. Simply state where you're coming from
........and what you'd like for the both of you.......if possible.
2006-10-04 03:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ummmm....give him 2 options #1 to listen and consider that you are trying to save the marriage. #2 your leaving. Stick to your guns he obviously thinks your bull shi**ing. You need to get through to him and maybe staying with a family member or friend will help. If he is complaining about the money s***.....he should have though about that before you both GOT MARRIED. Every thing he has is 1/2 yours and visa versa. He knows that. You have a right to leave and USE HIS MONEY if you want. Don't feel bad. He needs to learn to LISTEN.
2006-10-04 03:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by CMA 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe try something or somewhere he wants to go. send it in the email that we need some time together and i feel if we dont get away and talk this out we might be in danger in the near and close future. maybe that will help.. i really hate tosay this but is there a chance there might be someone else?
2006-10-04 03:53:05 · answer #9 · answered by countrygalsline 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK. U REALLY NEED TO TALK. COMMUNICATION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP! UR MARRIED! U HAVE TO DEAL WITH UR PROBLEMS TOGETHER, AS A TEAM. MY SUGGESTION IS TO UNLOCK HIS EMOTIONSAND MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE FIRST( MAYBE A ROMANTIC DINNER AT HOME, NICE MUSIC, DIM LIGHTS, FEW GLASSES OF WINE, ETC) AND THEN TO TELL HIM WHAT'S BOTHERING U. TELL HIM HOW MUCH U LOVE HIM AND HOW MUCH IT HURTS U THAT U LOST CONTACT. IF HE LOVES U, HE WILL UNDERSTAND AND WILL LISTEN TO WHAT U HAVE TO SAY.
THE EASIEST THING IS TO SEPARATE, BUT LET THAT BE THE LAST POSSIBLE OPTION. AS LONG AS U BOTH WANT TO IMPROVE UR MARRIAGE, IT WILL WORK!!
2006-10-04 03:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by Stella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋