I just found out that Im 4wks pregnant. I was with this guy from '01-'04 & we broke up for 2 yrs to get back together this past June of '06. I am 23, he is 24 & we love each other to death. We have our typical relationship issues but we always find a way to get passed them. He said that if we were still together in the 2yrs we weren't we'd be engaged by now. I would like to mention that I had a miscarriage in Nov. '03 & an abortion March '04. I did not tell him about the abortion b.c we had just broke up & I didnt want him to feel obligated to stay w/me b.c of it, I told him later on down the road. I dont want him to feel "stuck" (since we're not married) b.c of it. At 1st he was against the abortion & now the more he thinks about it hes leaning towards it. He's dont w/school & I just went back. I dont want to go through another abortion & I really want it, but he said he needs to be convince to keep it, how we can work it out & so on, then he'd respect the decision to keep it.
2006-10-04 03:41:38 · 17 answers · asked by MisrblyConfsd 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I dont know what to tell him! I know alot will have to change for the both of us. I dont want to quit college (take online classes at home if necessary). Financially might be a struggle at 1st but we have 9 months to save up for it?! We're not rich but were not poor. Hes just worried about being a dad in general & doesnt want to have a bad life for the baby which I completly understand. But I also dont want to have another abortion & less'n my chances of having a kid later down the road and I dont want to have recentment towards him making me do it. I want to be happy about this but it seems as if hes not letting me b.c we have yet to make a decision. I want him to be happy about this too. What can I do to make him feel better about this?!
-Miserably Confused.
2006-10-04 03:54:38 · update #1
Funny people keep mentioning birth control and whatever else. In that case Id like to mention the 1st time I miscarried I was also about 4wks and on birth control as well as the second time. This time when we got together I wanted to get on birth control but I had no insurance which I just got and before I got this new job I couldnt afford the only bc that works for my body. Soooo with that said. I noticed I also titled this wrong. I wants an arguement. He gave me an arguement of why he thinks we shouldnt have it and he wants an arguement from me of why I do want it and how we can make it work out. He said if I decide to keep it, he'd be there for me but hes not gonna be estatic about it.
2006-10-04 04:27:07 · update #2
You are going through a world of hurting and one thing I'm wondering is where is your family? It doesn't have to be blood, it could be a close group of true friends, or an extended family group...but the question stands...where are those that you need to be there standing with you through this situation?
It is sad indeed if you've no one to go to to talk things out with. You need to step back and think this through. My sister has 9 kids and not one of the "fathers" or "sperm donors" I call them stuck around to lend her a hand. And only one was caught to pay child support, but that was when the boy was in his teens!
She took care of those kids herself with help from family and friends. We were there for her, but not all the time due to distance or ability. But she was on birth control, but being very fertile she was on both pills and used condoms. That didn't stop her from getting pregnant when things broke or when the doctor changed her prescription.
She said if she got pregnant dispite her precautions, it was ment to be for a reason. She did not bother talking the father into sticking around. If he didn't want to be a "daddy" it was his loss.
Personally, I love spoiling all my nieces and nephews and watching them become amazing personalities with wonderful talents. I am sad for any guy that turns his back on such experiences.
I myself can't have children even if I wanted them. It's just the way I was made. I have my imperfections just like everyone else. But I've been there for my some of my sisters and even a few of my brothers birthing moments...it's amazing to be a part of something that special.
I don't agree with your having an abortion just because you and your bf broke up. It was your child too and you turned your back on that part...for the sake of not putting pressure on someone that wasn't a part of you at that time. Though I will defend with tooth and nail your right to do so - I will not agree with the action myself.
Please think very hard and get away from the bf and take some time to clear your head. I don't like his attitude...convince me that it will be alright...what are you? his mother? Life doesn't come all clean and pretty...it's like birth & life - it's messy, confusing and at times it can hurt like hell. But mothers have been doing it longer than there have been doctors to tell us what to do...
since it's part of our natural instincts we already "know" what to do if we'd only listen...
You have a very special honor that has been offered to you. You denied yourself once, but are lucky enough to be offered the honor again....to become a mother.
This is a very life changing event and it will come with great emotion, pain and tears too...but it will be the testing through fire that will pass you through to the wonderous life ahead.
From the moment that you see the tiny bundle of legs and arms with that first moment of connection with the life that's been kicking and poking you for months...you will be changed.
Within you will be a switch, at least I hope you are one that does, that will hold this tiny wonder and be filled to overflowing with love and happiness.
If you choose to not accept this honor, please be generous and allow another that is empty within to share in the joy and wonder of that tiny life inside you. You could even offer this honor to a sister or relative you believe will be a wonderful parent. You need not sign away your rights. It could give you time to see where you are going and maybe get your degree to make you a better provider and parent.
Please think about this moment and the future that awaits not only you, but the life that is inside...who's exists or does not upon your decisions...
This child is yours, if your bf wants nothing to do with this - so be it. My sister made the choice too...loves come and go...but a child is yours to love and treasure every day...always.
I wish you unbounded and unconditional love from family and friends that should be with you at this time when you are so in need of their support and assistance....
2006-10-04 17:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by Darkkangel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i found out i was pregnant with my little boy who is now 2 and a half my partner was not happy. he too told me that the baby cant be his and how he couldnt possibly have got me pregnant..! i spent days crying and feeling very alone. He was 25 years old an d i was 21 however he thought he was too young? The best thing that i did was to talk to my parents.. i needed support from someone and once he knew that other people knew he wasnt as quick to bully me. He tried to convine me t abort the baby and i looked up on the internet some information about abortions, i am pro choice and abortions have there place in society. i myself am not the sort of person who could go through with it and forgive myself. Please think long and hard this is his baby but it will effect you in ways you could not imagine. If he truly loves you he will come to terms with your decision to keep or terminate the pregnancy but if you are not 100% dont do it. He has a responsibility to you and his unborn baby to support you in the decisions you make about your body. Good luck. I really feel for you xx
2016-03-27 04:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you should've learned about a little thing called birth control a while ago. Seriously you were foolish enough to get pregnant (twice) and not be ready for it and in turn killed the innocent child because of your stupidity and yet you go out and get yourself pregnant for a third time. Your guy was obviously convinced enough to have sex with you so basically he should've known that sex can lead to babies and obviously that was a chance both of you were willing to take if you weren't willing to practice a little thing called safe sex. So to both of you suck it up and take care of your responsibilities and do what's right for this baby and for God's sake don't have another abortion - if you decide to run from your responsibilites again please for the sake of this innocent baby look into things like adoption because there are so many people out there that desperately want children who can't have any - unlike those of you that foolishly get pregnant and then terminate the pregnancy on a whim.
2006-10-04 03:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by Angelina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite frankly he doesn't have to respect the decision to keep the baby, it's your body and you're the one who's going to decide what to do with it. If you want the baby, then keep it. Continued abortions increase the likely hood that you won't be able to conceive or carry a baby again. You're young, don't make that mistake. He'll love this baby in the end, there's not a decent man alive that can look at this newborn child and walk away from it. Talk to him, tell him you can make it work and that you want too. That should be enough for him. Good luck to you and your baby.
2006-10-04 03:53:35 · answer #4 · answered by justwondering 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot "convince" anyone that having a baby will be "all right" because you cannot possibly know that for certain yourself! If you are asking for ways to persuade someone to accept the prospect of becoming a parent then you will have to accept the possibilty that others may try to persuade you to have an abortion. Did you think of that?
DO NOT quit college. If nothing else, it will help you to learn how to spell, write complete sentences instead of disorganized fragments, write coherently and to use words in place of acronyms.
Get proper birth control! Get counselling, too!
2006-10-04 05:56:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello.
You don't have to raise the child or have an abortion. You can carry the baby to birth and give him or her up for adoption. Adoption has really changed since what you may heard about it from the 60's and 70's. You can choose the family that will take your baby in. You can also choose to have an "open" adoption, and get to know your baby or you can have a "closed" adoption and maintain secrecy--it's all up to you. Of course they are all levels in between those two extremes (for example, you can opt to recieve pictures and get a letter every month or something like that).
There is a massive shortage of adoptable babies in the United States. Oftentimes, couples must wait several years before a mother chooses them for her child. Please do not give up this opportunity to share your blessing with others! Even if you do not want to keep this child, be rest assured that many people do!
Also, statistically speaking, 90% of couples who abort end up breaking up. It is such an emotional decision--it can be very devastating to even couples who are wildly in love with each other before an abortion. (I have a link below which gives the statistic if you are interested.)
I'm a little worried that you may feel pressure from your boyfriend to abort---you said, "he said he needs to be convinced to keep it." Why? Was he unaware that you and he were participating in an action which directly and purposelly leads to babies? Why did he not consider whether or not he would want a baby prior to having sex? That kind of "lack of a decision" put you and your baby at risk.
Don't worry about money and resources. There are so many places where women can turn in today's society to find help in those areas. I recommend looking up "abortion alternatives" in the phone book with your boyfriend. There will be a pregnancy resource center listed and they will be able to provide with local agencies and resources in your area.
I admire your honesty and openess to life. Your willingness to consider carrying this child shows bravery and fortitude. You, your boyfriend and your baby will be in my prayers. God Bless you all!
P.S. I've been reading other posts from other people. More than half of all unplanned pregnancies happen when couples are contracepting. Contraception tends to increase unplanned pregnancies since such couples think that they are not risking bringing a child into the world. (http://www.femalepatient.com/html/hom/spe/edition_57/edition_57.asp)
REPOST: Your argument: Real men take responsibility for their children. That is what being a man is about. (Seriously, sometimes men need to hear this!)
2006-10-04 04:22:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mary's Daughter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY are you "kids" not using birth control? That's stupidity. You nor him NEED a kid right now. You all are way too young. You all need to worry yourselves with finishing college and securing a respectable job. Plus, you all are not EVEN married. What kind of commitment do you all have with each other? Do NOT burden him with what he is not ready for(or want). He will RESENT you and possibly the unplanned mistake(kid) in the long run. The resentment toward the kid (if you selfishly have) would be so harmful/hurtful. Think about this carefully.
2006-10-04 04:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by kristy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what ur going thru. I am pregnant. When I told him that I was pregnant he just said that "he" wasnt ready for all this. It hurt me because I was sooo excited!! So, everyday we'd get into arguments on what to do, whether we would keep it or abort it.. I loved this guy so much that I didnt want him to be upset about the baby if I keep it. So, I set a appt to get an abortion.. Got up there & was crying cause I wanted this baby so bad.. they called me back to start the process of sonograms & bloodwork & I decided at that point that it was my body & I was excited & he'd have to get happy about me keping it or leave.. He stayed & I am now 16 weeks & he is always touching my "hump" & telling me what names he likes etc!!! So, you do what ur heart says! & above all...Pray to God to help you!!!
Congrats.... on being a mommy!!! I hope you make the right choice..
2006-10-04 04:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by ® Juicy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, the only thing that stuck out to me is the fact that he said he needs to be convinced to keep it. That's your answer right there. Convincing someone is when they don't want to do something and someone has to try to talk them into it. Do you really want to "talk" someone into having a child??? Since you were pregant before, not using condoms/birth control must be the norm. You sound like you're not to convinced either since you just went back to school and he just finished. Either way it's your body and ultimately your decision. His reaction is telling you what his mouth doesn't want to say. Good Luck~
~If you're not ready for kids right now and you end up not having this one, protect yourself in the future so you can be prepared and know what you want.
2006-10-04 03:52:44 · answer #9 · answered by T M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you 2 need to sit down and talk about A LOT!! This is a decision you both have to make. It is ultimately up to you since all of this will fall on you.
I would get on some birth control if you don't want a baby. It is a shame you have to keep killing your children because you aren't being intelligent about sex.
At any rate, it isn't about convincing him. It is about whether you want to have the baby or get rid of it. Plain and simple. I think abortion is a shame under your circumstances.
2006-10-04 03:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋