Women, I need you insight?

Question

I've been with my wife for over 2 yrs now. (3rd marriage, which started as an affair). In the beginning of our relationship, I had lied to her, I was a pig, and said some stupid and immature things to her and around her that has now made her feel terrible about herself and I feel terrible for doing it. I was a mess. Since then I have grown and want her to know what a beautiful person she is and know how much she means to me. What would be a good approach? Everything that I have tried for almost 2 yrs. now has failed. Please help

Answer 1

take her out on dates

Answer 2

Unfortunately for you, women have a long memory. It will take you time and effort (probably more then two years) to undo the damage you have done.

Start off by sitting her down and telling her how much love her and what an idiot you are for the things you did to her. Tell her how you think you made her feel (women want to be understood). Let her yell at you and tell you how she feels about it and just listen and take it all in. Tell her that you will give her anything she needs in this relationship, that she just has to ask you.

Then do what promised. If she wants counseling, jump in to counseling head first. When she sees that you are truly committed to fixing the marriage then she will come around. In the mean time, be sweet to her. Small gestures go along way. Buy her small gifts, leave her love notes all over the house, do the dishes or take out the garbage without being asked, tell her you love her ALL THE TIME, tell her she is beautiful. All of these things go along way. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

The problem is that once you say something, out of anger or stupidity - it's out there. And you can't take it back. And being a girl, you hold onto it. Me and my husband have been going through a similar experience for 5 years now. He did and said some stupid and hurtful things, and then he never took responsibility for it. He blamed it on me. He damaged my self esteem, my self worth, and how I felt about everything. It took him nearly 3 years to admit that it was his fault. But by then it was way to late. So we've been struggling because he can say he's sorry until the cows come home - yet it doesn't mean anything unless his actions back it up. And here's a hint for you - if you've messed up, you need to fix it and go out of your way to make it better. And not just one thing or action will make it better. You may need to prove yourself over a period of time. It may take a week, it may take a year. But if you love her, and are truly sorry, then it shouldn't be a big deal, right?

Just make sure that you don't do it again. No one person has the right to bring another down and make them feel terrible about them-self. Either grow up, fix it, never let it happen again, or let her go. That may be the best thing you can do for her.

Answer 4

how can everything u have tried for 2 years have failed? obviously your not consistant enough with the love u show towards her, otherwise she would feel safe and special. Being that its ur 3rd marriage (and it was an affair) it probably makes her feel even more unsafe and vulnerable and in the back of her mind shes thinking are u going to cheat again or are u cheating now? so u need to build up her confidence every day....until! Take her on dates every week, help her around the house and compliment her everyday. And u know out of 50 your awesome and 1 your crap.....she will remember the 1 your crap. You need to change how u treat her and make a conscious choice every day!

Answer 5

Tell her you want to put the past behind you and build a new relationship. Take her on a trip and tell her this marks the beginning of your new life together. Show her how much you love and appreciate her. Write her letters. Send her flowers. Do things for her. Ask her at least once a week if there is anything you can do for her to make her day easier. Cook dinner. However, it is important that you don't completely grovel or she will lose respect for you. Seek couples counseling if possible. It sounds like separate and apart from your relationship, she may need to see someone.

Answer 6

go spontaneous! is looking to be ur best approach. Set aside a whole weekend (only if ur prepared to allow the weekend to be all about her). Do a vacation getaway to somewhere where there are nice views, day spas, rose petal, bath oils, the works. 2 years is a long time! so make it all about her, the vacation and setting the scene as I just describe above is the easy part the hard part is the fact that it has to be genuinely coming from ur heart. Look at her as tho shes the best thing u've ever seen and keep it like that for the whole weekend. When you go to do the dirty, slow and sensual (unless shes into kinky, in which case bang the crap out of her) . Hope it helps.

Answer 7

The problem is in the very beginning, you started as an affair. There is nothing you can say or do because how she feels inside is because of her own actions. If you really loved her then you should have dated her after you were completely done with your 2nd marriage. You need to get yourself together and see why you had to cheat on your 2nd wife with her. She is just an outcome of the serious problem, what's going on inside of you.

Answer 8

Only 1% of relationships that start out of adultery will survive and it's because of everything you just said.
What do all women want? S E C U R I T Y
Simple as that. But that means in all aspect. They want to feel secure with their man. They want to be able to tell you every thing that is on her mind. She wants to come home and feel welcome and safe. She wants to be financially independent and not worry about the small stuff. She wants to feel like you'd NEVER ever cheat on her. No one can answer this question for you, you're saying everything you've tried hasn't worked, but what's everything? Marriage is a choice. Marriage is a choice that you have to make every day. It's not easy because there will be temptation for you both, but that's what it takes. Dedication! Every single day when you wake up and see her face, you have to think about how lucky you are. How you show her that is up to you. You know her better than any of us can imagine. If you remind yourself how you feel about her, then maybe it'll start showing. The moment you feel like you've exhausted all possibilities will be the end of your marriage.
Don't forget counseling, because ultimately the decision to trust you again is hers and she has to make it whole heartidly for your marriage to work.
Good luck.

Answer 9

First u get down on your damn knees and beg for forgiveness and tell her just like u did to us, that u were a pig and u were wrong and that they were all lies..

2nd u go out of your way every day to compliment her on something, anything..

3rd of all u treat her with respect always.. put her first, let no other woman, REAL or NOT (ie movies , mags, internet) come before her, meaning dont rubber neck, dont make comments about, dont do it behind her back ect..

YOUR NOW ON THE BEGGING END and although it only took a sort time to destroy a persons self esteem, its going to take u a long time to get it back.. this was damage u caused and damage u can fix if u really want to but its going to ALOT of time on ur part to fix it..

Selfesteem is not something u can fix with one great day.. its something that takes time and a commitment to be there every day and trying to prove to her that what u did/or said isnt true..

Its going to take alot of special moments, alot of special comments, alot of attention, and alot of respect to get her to believe in herself again....

So if ur really in this.. truely in this, u better make the time, and give her the time to get this problem straightened out and every time u do something negative or say something negative, ur going to have to start back over at square one.. but this is the price u pay for hurting someone u love so badly..

Answer 10

Go way beyond even your comfort zone to make her feel good about herself. Bring home flowers, make a candlelight dinner, roses and candles in the bathroom with a bubble bath ready for her, take her to buy a sexy outfit and reminder her often that she is one sexxy momma!! Tell her so much that you think that she will get tired of hearing it- tell her to the point that you are almost tired of saying it!! Woman love it and can't help but to begin to think better of themselves when someone else is drilling it into her head. When I wake up I feel like **** (I am not a morning person at all)- my husband will make little comments every once in awhile about how beautiful I am even when I first wake up. When I do something that he thinks is cute he tells me how cute I am. In the middle of the day or whenever it arises whenever I am not around he will start to think about me or start to get frisky and he will call me or send me a text message and tell me ya know I can't help to think about how lucky I am to have you as my wife- you are one sexxy momma!! Catch her off guard- that will usually do it for you.....you might try chocolate covered cherries or strawberries for a (midnight bed snack)!! Good luck~ I hope this helps!!

Answer 11

Make sure and tell her how beautiful she is everyday.Send her some flowers to work or to the home when your not there.Have a love letter attached saying how she completes your life and how you could not imagine life with out her.Get mushy!Never leave her without first giving her a kiss.Help her as much as possible around the house.Take her out to do something fun at least every other week.Hope this helps.