When does it stop hurting?

Question

I've been seperated 18 months, absolute already thru, just house stuff to sort, so why everytime i get a solicitors letter do i allow it to hurt me? I know i am better off without him, i am retraining and getting on with my life, my daughter is settled and happy so why does it hurt so much? and make me feel so miserable. i know tommorow i be back to normal but today i want to cry

Thank you all for kind words and advice. I'm not the type to sit and mope, soliciotrs letter today was just too much, i think once the finacial side of things is settled i can really put it behind me, he doesn't want and doesn't see our daughter so it really is a case of just waiting till the legal side is finished, then i can close that chapter of my life. x

Answer 1

Only time will take the pain away! In the meantime keep yourself busy. Do not stay home. Find a hobby. Do stuff with your daughter. It's hard but stay strong. Things will get better. Good Luck!

Answer 2

It's OK to cry as long as you move on. I just hope that the pain is a little worse every time you're faced with stuff from your marriage. Try finding something you can do that's just for yourself and that will make you feel better about yourself. An acting class does wonders for self esteem I find. You'll also be in a social context that's conducive to meeting people.

Usually in a period of mourning the first year is the toughest then it gets easier but in your case with the legal reminders it can be a little longer.

Hang in there.

Answer 3

It takes time to heal, what you are experiencing is possibly not regret but a change in circumstance and loneliness. It takes time to come to terms with a change in your life, which is what you are experiencing and a quite dramatic change at that. What you need to do is have some hope for the future, make some short term and long term plans. Write a list of what you want to do with your life and the goals you want to achieve and how you want to get there and then try to achieve them. Don't look back and don't allow letters to take you back to a state when you were not happy, think of these letters as just administration that you need to undertake to allow you to move forward with you life to achieve you goals.

To answer your question, it will stop hurting when you move forward with your life and look to other avenues to make yourself feel happy. If you want to stagnate and look back on your old life it will never change.

I wish you well, good luck !

Answer 4

Because real love u cant turn off like a faucet.. its something that stays with u forever even when u know its for the best.. unfortunately it takes more then love to hold on to a healthy happy marriage.. Divorce is very said its a means to an end of a chapter in ur life, and not knowing the chapters ahead is scary.. for some it doesnt take long to get over, for others it takes years, sometimes a life time..

It took me 7 years to learn how to cope with my x husband leaving me.. i dated during those 7 years but never allowed myself to get to serious with any of them in hopes that my x would come back someday , or in fear they would hurt me as well.. untill i realized the man i loved was no longer the man he is today.. the man i loved was the man i married and some how that man died and a new man has taken his place.. so to me i'll always love my x husband, but its more like a widow that mourns for a dead husband because the man i loved no longer exsists.. the man i loved would of never left his family, would of never hurt me, would of never hurt our children.. the man thats left in his place.. is a selfish bastard that could care less about his kids.. or who he hurts.. and the new person he's become doesnt deserve the honor of someone crying over them..

Your going to have good days and bad days.. and eventually the good days will over rule the bad days, till the bad days become a thing of the past..

So it takes time, and its finding ur way own how to cope..

Answer 5

It is very normal to feel the hurt from what is really rejection and what we see as failure when a marriage ends. The bottom line is that people are not perfect and many times marriages end because of two imperfect people. Most times there is blame on one side or the other, but some times there is no blame, it just did not work. Time will make it easier, and once you start to get on your feet and start to live again, it will fade...Stand tough, you will get over it...

Answer 6

if you are doing the things you say - retraining, and such - you are obviously very strong. take a second and give yourself some credit. you know that you are strugling through this toughtnime fore something better in the future. and if you are already preparing for that future, THAT is the light at the end of the tunnel. it doesn't matter WHYthe letters hurt. all that matters is the choice you have to make to not let them hurt - or maybe take a day and devote it to that pain. let it rip through you untill you can't bear it any longer. maybe if you let it give you it's best, the next day you'll be invincible to it. you'll be stronger, and more adequately equipped to face whatever is coming your way.

i wish you the best of luck.
if you'd like to chat, send me an email: [e-mail]

Answer 7

This is natural, but the best way is to find a new love. once I found a new love i didnt really have time to keep thinking about him as much. However the grief over a loss family will never stop. Im 17 years later and i still wonder, WHAT IF. More for the sake of my child than me. Life is to short, go enjoy it.

Answer 8

I don't know the circumstances of the relationship, but it is never easy when you break up with someone... You loved him and were together for a few years, it takes time to adjust..... It is normal...

I would suggest that you start keeping yourself occupied... Surround yourself with friends and family... Go out and do fun things... Also, take time for yourself and think your life through... Set some goals. Think about what you want out of life and the things that are going to fulfill you..... The go from there...

Life is too short to just sit around and dwell on the past... Try and turn all your negatives into positives... God puts us through a lot of trials and tribulations to see how we can handle them and to make us stronger individuals.... (Keep the faith)

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Answer 9

it will hurt for a while i am afraid, when you have been involved with someone for a long time it will hurt you when you least expect it. But with each day you are apart the stronger you will become, and soon you will wonder what you were sad about. It sounds like you are getting on with your life. Cheer yourself up enjoy a small treat with your daughter do something really silly and girly and remember you can do this, you have come so far.

All the best

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that its still hurting hun. Its always hard to get over someone you have been in love with. But you may also need something else that will help you look at things a little bit differently and feel a bit more upbeat. People use this in winter when they get SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, which makes them depressed). Its called 5HTP. Totally natural and it also helps you to stop craving snacks, which is why i'm using it at the moment. This may give you that boost to get over your ex.
If you're in the UK, Holland & Barrett have it, otherwise just search it on the net.