Why do women lie to their husbands?

Question

My wife has been caught in 5 major lies by me in the last year. At the end of each fight I ask her " is there anything else I should know about?" each time she answered no . She knows I ALWAYS find out later , but she still insist on lieing to me . Should I continue to try and trust her or just give up?

Did I mention we have two kids 14 and 12? And have been married for 16 years?

The lies were major ,for example 3,600.00 dollars came up missing from our account, not being at work during a family emerg... , selling her engagement ring and wedding band, etc... Yes I get mad as would anyone , but no I am not abuseive , I can honestly say I hide nothing from my wife and have never told her a lie except for geeting a speeding ticket when we had been married for a year, since then I have not even told her a white lie . I love her dearly , but I'm scared this is the end of 16 years .

Answer 1

Because husbands do not lie to them...and somebody has to do it...

Answer 2

Your question should read, "Why do SOME people lie to their spouses?" With the kind of thinking you expressed in your question you are setting yourself up for bitterness and disillusionment when dealing with other people, especially women.

But to your question: People lie to avoid consequences. Emotionally immature people lie for the same reason, however, it is time for your wife to grow up and accept the consequences for her behavior. Can you change her? NO, you cannot change anyone.

The time has come for serious counseling. For you and her, if she agrees to go. If she doesn't, you now have a decision. Live with it or leave. And it's just that simple, once the emotions are out of the way.

Good Luck
Peace.

Re-reading your question with your new posts suggests your wife has a serious problem, possibly with addictions of some sort. If this is the case, she needs treatment, but my original answer still stands. You cannot change anyone, you can, however, be supportive and insistent. The AMA treats addictions as a disease, which means treatment is as aggressively pursued as with any other illness. And families suffer as a result, so good time for everybody to become part of the solution. Peace.

Answer 3

Wow.... That has to be hard on you... But you have yourself a liar.... And it's so hard to deal with a liar... There the next worst thing to a theft.... You just never know with them...

Did she have anything to show for when she took the money... If not then she may be using drugs or financing someone else expenses..

Maybe she helped out one of her family member and knew that you wouldn't approve of it.....

I have to be honest some women hide things from there husband cause they already know that you wouldn't be happy with it.... Which is not a good reason but yes, it could happen...

That's a tough situation, and to many couples end their marriage in divorce.. Before that becomes a option you should try to come to some type of understanding...

It's hard to trust someone that has lied to you.... But at least you can get some type of understanding as to why she won't ever come clean..

I wish you luck...

Answer 4

Firstly, we are talking about one woman, namely yours, coz not all women lie.
Secondly, this sounds serious - she may be sick, a compulsive liar and she needs help especially from you and other pple who are really close to her.
Thirdly, in the event that she has no psychological probs then you must tell her how her lies make you feel - tell her you will do something if she lies again but this should not be an empty promise. Move out for example and make her see how her lies are hurting you and the impact of her actions on the family.

I hope you work things out, I know its tough not being able to trust someone as close as your spouse. But be prapared to go all the way in trying to fix this.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

First of all, what do you consider a major lie? Getting out or not, I think would depend on the severity. Are you talking about an affair or that she forgot to feed the dog? Some people lie because they cannot help it. It is a sickness and they mistakenly believe that they are protecting people or that people would walk out if they knew the truth.
It sounds like you and your wife need some therapy to help deal with this issue.

Answer 6

I don't think the answer is just giving up. I think you need to really look inside yourself and ask yourself why she is afraid to tell you the truth. How do you react when she tells you something unpleasant? Is it easier for her to lie to you then it is to the tell the truth? Are you violent or explosive in your anger?

If that is not the case (and I hope it isn't) then there is some psycological reason why your wife is patholigically lying to you. She has some issue with self esteem or self worth.

Either way, the two of you each need individual counseling and then couples counseling. Don't just give up on your marriage.

Answer 7

Where is she spending the money? Shopping? Gambling?
A lie is a lie. If she lies to you and you cant trust her, what do you have. You cant have a loving trusting marriage with a liar. Sounds like your children and yourself would be much better emotionally and financially without her.
I cant honestly say that i have never lied to my husband. Our marriage is based on honestly and love. Not all women lie!

Answer 8

Sounds to me your wife is what is called a Hibitual liar.. unfortunately hibitual liars tell so many lies they actually believe in what they are saying .. so much so id bet they could even pass a lie detector because they believe their lies are a reality.. untill proven other wise..

I wouldnt give up just yet, i think u need to get her into counseling to try and figure out why she feels the need to lie so much.. it could be something that she cant control with out help.. dunno since i dont know the whole situation.. but i would definately try seeking therapy before just ending ur marriage..

Answer 9

4 main reasons: I have in countered,

1) Trying to find a simple solution and putting it as though nothing has happened.
2) To avoid hassles in short term
3) To keep relations from drifting or covering up for others.
4) To keep face in front of others and difficulty of owning up self's mistakes

Plenty of other possible reasons too.
But depending on the whole situation only will you be able to judge whether a lie said is justified in that situation or not.

Answer 10

Lies are lies... no reason for them except that she doesn't trust that if she comes to you that you won't get mad... so she doesn't risk it and she lies..

You need to go to marriage counselling and get this issue settled cause it doesn't look like the fighting is solving anything

Marriage counsellors are great mediators and it is not at all what you think it is... there is no finger pointing or accusations made..
Just problem solving ....give it a try

Answer 11

It all depends . If she's lieing just to lie, i say get rid of her. People like that are not worth the time of day. But if she's lieing because she does't want you to get mad at herfor like spending too much money, or denting the car. Well then, those are forgiveable. I say if you love her, than you should deal with it.