Does this have any chance in h---? What is your experience?

Question

My husband and I separated a year ago. We were both miserable for the last two years of our 8 years of marriage, not getting along. We have two small kids. He moved out. We spent the the holidays together this month and now he wants to start counseling to work on getting back together. I am seeking the reponses of people who have had similar experiences and would like to know what happened. Does this have any chance or is it a waste of time and heartache?

Answer 1

After my then husband left home, I enjoyed my freedom and love having peace at home at last. He came back and I hated it and couldn't wait for him to get out of my house. I tried to patch things up, went tocouseling, but I just could get over the cheating.

I filed for divorce 3 months later.

Our relationship was beyong repair. If you are both commited into fixing your relationship, do it. It may work for you if you really love each other.

Good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like you at least want to DO something.... counseling takes 2 committed people - it may not work out, but each has to be willing to try. Counseling isn't a waste of time and isnt' necessarily oriented at getting you back together, it is designed more to clear up the thinking process on both sides so one or both people can make up their mind as to what they really want to do. Go to counseling with an open mind if you can....
I went to counseling with my first wife....the counselor was an idiot and after the second session there was no doubt that I wanted out - so did the wife but would never admit it, and by doing so made me out to be the bad guy. Good Luck and I hope you two find the best answer (what ever that may be).

Answer 3

The fact that he is willing to achieve solution is very admirable. For the sake and welfare of your children it is a mature and responsible possible solution. The future of the children will not be nearly as promising with a step or single parent. The two of you willingly brought these children into the world and with that came an assurance that you would sacrifice for their welfare.
However, if nothing has changed and you can not effect that goal the future of this union is meek.
I suggest that you put your own needs second and work toward an amicable way to produce a happy ending for your offspring.
I urge you to set aside both of your own needs and work toward the end of providing for the children. Sometimes, in an intelligent family one must do what is the best long term solution for others. This is not about either of you or your wants and needs. The ramifications will effect generations.
Give it a try with counseling and see if something positive results. Good luck in whatever path life has designed for you.

Answer 4

You both need to be committed to making it work. The timing of it seems very common. One of you may be going through a depression or mid-life crisis type issue (this CAN happen at almost any age and be triggered by something) It isusually at this point ina marriage peoiple are asking..is this it? Is this my life? etc etc. First know it is common, second, try and remember what brought you together in the first place. My husband and I wrote lists for each other of what we love about each other.

Just looking at it confirms that in tough times if we can remember these things it makes it easier and puts things in perspective. Why not try it. Exchange them at the same time. Make apoint of writing down at least 50. Seems like a lot but include things like, I love the way he laughs when he is playing with the kids. you love how he mows the lawn on a diagnal rather than straight, you love that he is kind to strangers, etc

I think it will helpyou see what it is you still love about eachother and some thing may surprise you in a nice way.

Good luck.. i hope you can work it out

Answer 5

You could probably put down every problem between couples to "unrealistic expectations".

Sex, money, time together, children, yard work, time to spend watching sports or soap operas, beer, bowling, books, learning which fork to use with salad, it all comes down to someone has unrealistic expectations of the other.

Now, maybe that's one expecting the other to make more money than they actually can, or one expecting the other to live on a lower income level than can make them happy. There's no way to say for sure just who has the unrealistic expectation.

Now, counseling can lead you to understand who has the unrealistic expectations, but only if the person is open to the idea that it might be themselves.

Even understanding one's own unrealistic expectations doesn't garuntee a happy marriage and that it will all work out, but it will allow you to put an end to the misery and move on.

For example, perhaps you simply want your husband to hold doors for you. Maybe he has the unrealistic expectation that this doesn't matter, and maybe you have the unrealistic expectation that it does. If he's simply never going to change, it's you, and you have to either abandon the expectation, or find someone that can live up to it.

Counseling will work, but you have to realize that it may "work" by making it clear that the marriage never will.

Answer 6

Working on a marriage is never a waste of time, especially if both parties are willing to work on it! Marriage is hard work, especially in today's society. My husband and I hit a rut about 10 years into our marriage and we stopped communicating. We almost gave up on everything but stayed together "for the kids". I have always said that a couple shouldn't stay for the sake of the kids, but in our case, spending more time together, we starting communicating again and thankfully we are back on track and things are good again. It won't happen over night, but it can happen. The most important advise I can give to you is to have to open the lines of communication! Be honest with each other and let each other know what you are feeling. If you are going to a counselor, they can help you express your feelings and help you listen to your partner! Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 7

Only you know how you feel in your heart. Ask yourself, do you still love him enough to weather the storm? Cause it will probably be stormy at first.

My husband cheated on me and I left. We didn't have a happy marriage and he claims this drove him to cheating. We too have two small children. He decided he wanted to give it another try and claimed he still loved me, I still loved him as well, even though we fought alot, I still loved him. I moved back home and we attended marriage counseling. The counseling taught us how to work through our problems without accusing the other person for being at fault, when a person is being blamed they will in turn get defensive and this is part of what spikes fights.

Our marriage still gets rocky at times, but we try to keep communication open and with two small kids, we have found that it is very important to go out to dinner alone once in awhile, just get out and about with eachother.

You two need to sit down and talk about what broke the marriage up to begin with, figure out if this is going to be a problem again.

If you love him sweetie, it will work, Good Luck!

Answer 8

There is always a chance - but you must really figure out if you love him. Sometimes we know the answer to that question - and simply don't want to admit it. If you truly don't love him - then don't go through the charade of counseling. Best of luck!

Answer 9

Working on repairing a marriage is never a waste of time. People bail on their vows because they find out that marriage is hard work. C'mon, quit being lazy! Work it out, even if it is just for the kids. People have it in their heads that they are entitled to happiness in marriage when in reality, happiness in marriage is something you have to WORK FOR!

If your husband is willing to try, you owe it to yourself, him and most of all, your kids to try too!

Answer 10

Is he back because he can't hack it out there? Does he need a mother figure to take care of his laundry etc? Does he have any motive other than because he still loves you and wants to make you happy? Be discerning and smart.