My hubby did this to me 2x. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and I said yes. Then he tried to steer me in a different direction so I wouldn't go. The first time I was totally hurt by the situation. I told him that and after a couple of days we made up. Then that day he did it again. I am a stay at home mother of 4. He works 70 hours a week. I just wanted some alone time. We had a sitter and all. I think his friends are just more important to me. We have been together for 5 years. Married for almost 1. He said he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt my feelings. But then did it again. Am I just feeling sorry for myself??
2006-10-04 02:10:06 · 12 answers · asked by Need Help! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nope ur extremely in the right.. although he does need some space to himself just like u do, he needs to put u first.. the problem is when ur a stay at home mom, all u do is stare at the same walls every day , 90% of ur interaction is with ur kids and u get excited when ur husband comes home because u finally have an "adult" to talk to..
He's playing a game, and failing miserably.. he wants to go out with the guys and each time he asks if u want to go he's secretly hopeing that u'll say no , so he can go out by himself.. i dont think he's doing it to be cruel.. i just dont think he knows how to deal with the situation, nor does he understand what its like to be in ur shoes..
My suggestion is to talk to him.. figure out a schedule.. for example.. 2 Saturdays a month are Date night.. or something.. 1 saturday is his time he can spend with his friends , 1 saturday for ur friends or family.. or to do whatever u want and he has to stay with the kids.. and suggest that all Sundays are family days.. or something.. this way u get ur date nights with him, he feels he has his space to have a night out with the guys, u get ur much needed time away from the WHOLE family.. and u still have family time with the kids..
Please realize that he doesnt understand how it feels not to have an outside world.. like he does.. and realize that u are becoming extremely co-dependent and "needy" because of a lack of an outside world.. u should find a hobby something ur interested in that will get u out of the house here and there, even if its just taking one class at the college or something, something that gets u out in the world, something where u meet and interact with people.. that way u wont be so "needy" for his attention at all times when he's home..
But because neither of u is walking in the others shoes , and cant understand how the other is feeling, u need to try and rationalize this, and try to come up with a compromise on how to get outside of this situation.. it can be done if both of u realize theres a problem that needs to be fixed, and compromise on the solution and stick to that compromise..
2006-10-04 02:23:41 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you're a mother of 4 and only been married a year! Sounds like you guys did like me and my hubby and jumped into a ready-made family.
We have 2 kids and have been married almost 6 months. My husband works 60-70 hours a week and then goes to school 3 nights a week. We don't get a lot of alone time and then after the kids are in bed and we finally get around to private time, my daughter gets up and starts knocking on the door.
So what's OUR solution? Get a sitter, preferably a relative who will keep them over night. Have a date night without the kids and christen every room in the house. But date nights only happen once every one or two months and the rest of the time, I am very supportive of my husband's schedule and just try to make sure I kiss him hello when he comes home. At least he comes home when he's done with work or school!
2006-10-04 09:18:50 · answer #2 · answered by jhvnmt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no...I can hardly blame you. My husband works about 70 hours a week too. I am a stay at home mom too. I don't blame you a bit for feeling hurt. Did you tell him this? Ask him why he keeps doing this. I would explain this to him that you are excited to spend time away from the kids and he lets you down by making promises and then not coming through. I think he needs to make it up to you somehow...that's what I would tell him. You are not wrong at all....
2006-10-04 09:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are simmering in selfpity, are extremely neede and you are crying for attention.
Not speaking to your partner for days is not healthy for your marriage. Men are not mind readers and he won;t know what you want if your don't tell him.
Take matters into your own hands, if the man works 70 hours a day, that leaves little or no time for planning a romamntic revendouz with you. Get a babaysitter yourself, check his schedule and set a date for a date. Yes, date your husband and leave the kids with the babysitter,
Good luck
2006-10-04 09:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, But instead of saying his friends are over you think about it? He had 4 children with you and works to take care of the house. Maybe he doesn't want to go out... Maybe he wants you to instead of putting more stress in the relationship try to relax with each other at home with or without the kids. Alot of times when he is at work all day everyday they just want to relax.
Yeah, you are taking care of the children and is stressed but he brings home the check and might want to breath too.
You need to have a day to yourself to relax and he does to. Then have a day together and then one with the family every once and awhile. It will be okay just remember your family is always first.
2006-10-04 09:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by KeKe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not feeling sorry for yourself, if you two made plans and he ditched you for friends that is wrong. Part of being a grown up is that once you make a commitment to someone you follow thru.
2006-10-04 09:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends but if you have four kids getting some alone time period can be difficult so no matter who you run to or if you decided to move on with someone else it would be the same way. At least you don't have to work.If he's doing all the workiing and isn't cheating, let him have his fun,when he comes home to you,you can have your fun with him.
2006-10-04 09:40:51 · answer #7 · answered by ///\oo/\\\ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're taking it a little too personally. Enjoy the time that you spend together, and do your own thing when you're alone. If you want alone time with him, then tell him, and then plan something special.
2006-10-04 09:14:17 · answer #8 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are right and he did the wrong thing. You both need time off - if he doesn't want you to go with him, then you should get a night to yourself. Good luck!
2006-10-04 09:19:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you talking about? Where? Like on a date? Restaurant, movie? What? If that's the case, he shouldn't ask you what you want if he's going to decide anyways....sounds like a jackssa to me.
2006-10-04 09:15:13 · answer #10 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋